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Friend cancelling at last minute?

(21 Posts)
tazmo Sun 13-Jan-13 17:16:08


Had a friend say she couldn't meet up tomorrow (she invited me over to hers) as she had the chance to go somewhere else. WTF?

If I make plans (other than inclement weather, sickness, bereavement etc) - I would honour them. I know she has a friend in this place she is going to so I feel she's feels shes had a better offer. Its annoying cos I blew off my good friend saying I was busy tomorrow - so now kids and I are left doing nothing (other friend made other plans now).

What do you think?


tazmo Sun 13-Jan-13 17:16:51

PS I've known her about 4 years and she's done this to me on and off a couple of times.

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sun 13-Jan-13 17:17:52

sack her.

deleted203 Sun 13-Jan-13 17:19:04

I think that's really, really rude unless (possibly) it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to do something really exciting and you were just coming over for a coffee. I would honour existing plans personally unless an emergency cropped up, rather than just a better offer.

HecatePropolos Sun 13-Jan-13 17:19:42

Well, thats charming.
I only want to spend time with you if I can't get a better offer.
Someone's plan b? No thanks.

PureQuintessence Sun 13-Jan-13 17:19:43

Leave the Bastardess.

timidviper Sun 13-Jan-13 17:32:36

I have a friend who does this. I like her and in other ways she is a good friend so I just don't put myself in any position that may leave me out of pocket or seriously inconvenienced. Interestingly I think she has been unreliable enough that it is rebounding on her as there are some things she has not been invited to recently by others.

Chottie Sun 13-Jan-13 17:40:10

Very rude and thoughtless.

I reminds me of an elderly friend of my DM. She used to have an A and B list for parties. If not enough people from the A list accepted, she would invite the B list!

perceptionreality Sun 13-Jan-13 17:44:06

YANBU - this type of behaviour is a horrible way to treat a supposed friend and hurtful. There have been similar threads about children's birthday parties and I absolutely disagree with it unless exceptional circumstances.

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 17:53:05

Very insulting. I had a friend like this only she refused to make an arrangement with me until she'd found out what all her other friends were doing eg over Christmas.

I sacked her and lo, I must have become A list because she makes a huge effort now despite my trying to fade from view.

I'm not bothered either way now. She calls, I sometimes say yes sometimes nope.

Do the same. Make no effort with her because she's been so darned rude.

LaCiccolina Sun 13-Jan-13 17:54:37

Sorry, thought u said u blew a mate off to see this one? So ur both as bad as each other? Ur just peed off as happened to u too?

Teapot13 Sun 13-Jan-13 17:56:49

Very rude unless she explained exceptional circumstances. I would not be offended if she apologized profusely and explained that a friend from overseas is in town and only has one free afternoon to see her -- doesn't sound like this was the case, though.

BegoniaBampot Sun 13-Jan-13 17:58:15

My good friend does this quite often and I'm finally at the point where I've had enough. I love her dearly and she doesn't ditch me for necessarily a better offer but that she just spreads herself too thin and takes too much on. It's also the fact that the kids have been disappointed lots of times at the last minute. You can only put up with this for so long and I've started to cool off a little and fianally said something rather than being understanding. Now gravitating to others who so far seem more reliable.

HollyBerryBush Sun 13-Jan-13 18:05:46

Depends really - if your trip was a run of the mill meet up but she had acquired a fancy new BF with a private plane who was taking her to lunch in Paris , I'd say deferring your meet up was acceptable!

JustFabulous Sun 13-Jan-13 18:08:41

The OP said no, she had plans to another friend, she didn't say yes then no to them, La Cicc

tazmo Sun 13-Jan-13 18:20:53

RE other friend - my other friend asked if I wanted to meet up Mon but had already made arrangements with this person who blew me off (so not as bad as other - just had made arrangements already. What I'm saying is that I'd much rather have spent the day with my good friend v this one who I've only known for 4 years or so). She didn't explain unusual circumstance so can only assume had better offer.

Do sometimes feel like cooling off but don't know that many people in this area and our kids play well. My good friends live over an hour away or overseas - so unless free at weekends, hard to meet up as kids have preschool/clubs etc so limits what you can do during a weekday.

WinkyWinkola Sun 13-Jan-13 18:39:14

So either just accept that she's going to treat you as Friend of the Second Order or get out there and actively generate some new pals. In fact do that anyway. It's much more liberating than being dependent on one or two people.

Jenni145 Tue 22-Jan-13 02:31:38

I bumped into a mum I knew at the swing park, she said oh a few friends and I are going to have a little party for the kids I'll let you know what the plans are you can come (as our kids are same ages) then I never heard from her!

Another 'friend' I bumped in to after she initially ignored me and we said oh lets meet up sometime, then nothing.

and another 'friend' I used to meet every week, I moved from Edinburgh to Birmingham and on the times I was coming back to visit I'd let them all know, her excuse to not come to see me? 'I have to be home to let the cat in'

An old neighbor had a party and invited me, she barely spoke to me the whole time and then towards the end, she turned to me and said I saw you walking with someone..' and then I was puzzled as I didn't recall it, anyway never seen her since!

now most recently a close friend, who I would've said was one of my closest friends, went on holiday to America to visit a friend, got married there, and when I came up we arranged to meet up she told me then I got married, and moving to America in 2 weeks...!
So she moved and then came back to UK to get her visas sorted out and I just had a baby now too, haven't seen her! she put on fb 2 days til she goes back, I asked oh you're leaving in 2 days?! she deleted the post. totally ignoring me!

6 weeks since I had my baby boy, and I sent all friends and family text from hospital sharing the news, my gran and my paternal aunt visited within days, my mums friends and colleagues sent cards and gifts...

then my mum asked her friends to visit, and they did.

the only friend I've known since I was like 4 years old, and her mum both visited of their own accord, which is nice..

however my mum had to ASK her brothers and their families to visit with their kids - only one of two uncles, two aunts, and two out of 6 of those cousins turned up!

The rest of my (so-called) friends and family haven't shown the slightest thought!

I'm kind of saddened by it all as it makes you wonder 'is there something wrong with me? am I really repulsive person??'

but I just grit my teeth, accept it and move on :-/ although obv it would be nice to have close friends maybe its not meant to be?

whois Tue 22-Jan-13 08:51:26

Jenni145 did you give the swing park mum a ring and ask about the party? Did you call the 'lets meet up' friend and try to arrange something?

PleasePudding Tue 22-Jan-13 10:02:13

Jenni145 i find that sometimes plans are thought up but never really materialise and that if they are not officially fixed on a particular date then they are not officially cancelled - maybe the party just didn't happen? Please don't worry about it or take it personally.

Also I probably wouldn't visit a friend or cousin with a newborn unless expressly invited as I would worry that it might be the last thing they want. My uncles and aunts have never cone around specially to see the new baby but have rather met them as and when we next come across each other. I know different families do things in different ways but maybe they genuinely didnt know you were really hoping for a visit?

Yfronts Tue 22-Jan-13 12:34:18

take your diary with you and say lets put a date in the diary now shall we?

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