To ask how you would define a friend as needy?

[Findingmyself]

I don't know if I come across as needy or not so would be interested to hear opinions. Thanks

[UnnamedFemaleProtagonist]

I can be needy sometimes but am mostly a giver.

I would say 'needy' is insecure and irrational. She might require more 'stroking' and 'sensitivity' than the next person. Speaking from experience, she may have a massive agenda that makes her needy and prior to that she wasn't needy at all. HTH.

[whois]

Hard to say except on a case by case basis, but basically wanting more emotional involemt than I can give. Examples for me would be:

Wanting to talk/text more than normal.
Getting annoyed if I don't reply in a timely manner.
Being passive aggressive about such lack of reply.
Putting too much emotion on every meeting e.g. Go out for dinner but always talk about your problems.
Being clingy to me in groups.
Not being cool about not being invited out if I go out with a different friend.

[jessjessjess]

Wanting to be in constant contact
Sending a second message if I haven't replied to the first one
Expecting to be told everything first
Being weird or jealous about other friends
Getting funny with me or other people who visit your area and don't meet up with you while there (because maybe we are doing something else and don't have time)
Making me afraid to tell you if I'm in your area, doing something else had dont have time to see you
Moaning lots and never doing anything about your problems / always asking for advice about the same thing and not taking it
Not asking how I am before talking on about yourself

[SoleSource]

Can you give us an example of your behaviour?

[jessjessjess]

Oh and asking more of me in terms of time and attention than a romantic partner would.

[MrsMushroom]

calling too much....asking for reassurance all the time....talking about problems too much.

too much constitutes calling daily....asking for reassurance every time you meet...or wanting to talk about your problems every time you meet.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think it depends very much on ones own emotional state. If one is having a turbulent or difficult time and friends are relying on you it's more likely they'll be perceived as needy. In my experience anyway.

I have three very close friends and I have intermittently described all three to my DP as being needy. Usually when I'm not feeling great for one reason or another. I know I can be needy myself,I am under no illusions.

[LucieMay]

Friends who get pissed off or if I don't reply or don't see them or contact them for long periods of time.I don't do high maintenance when it comes to friendship.

[Piemother]

Here is an example. I have a friend who is a bit hard work and needy. Bless her she has been suffering pnd so we make huge allowances but this is needy behaviour. We meet up with the kids several times a week usually at the same places on the same days . Some of us always go, some of us sometimes go. The part timers all except this one friend have no issue about texting a few of us saying 'are you gojng to x today I might come along'. It's by no means an exclusive event and never has been but this one friend can inly consider a formal invitation that's confirmed and recon firmed otherwise we get accused of leaving her out. Sigh. The others just rock up. That's being needy

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Lucie I agree with the being okay with not being on contact daily thing. With my three closest we have had periods of years,weeks,months depending on the friend and it has picked up like no time has passed at all. No questions asked. Everyone is needy sometimes. It's human nature I think. I have been needy of my friends recently and have been grateful they were there for me. I have willing done and will do the same for them.

[Lavenderhoney]

All of these- however for me it can depend on how long I have known them and past history. If an old friend became needy due to a disaster that isn't needy to me as I know its not usual behaviour for them.
People who behave like this all the time as a trait of their personality - I can't deal with it, it's sounds very teenage to me and I don't have the spare emotional capacity to deal with it. Or the time.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Labvenderhoney I agree with you too. Needy from a longtime friend is not the same as needy from a new friend.

Basically OP everybody can be needy. It all depends on how much you can support/cope with without help. I would hate to think I couldn't speak to my closest friends in a time of need.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Lavenderhoney

[jessjessjess]

OP please tell us more about why you asked?

[HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly]

constantly about them.

always demanding reassurance and focus on them.

obsessing about their problems and wanting them to be the topic of conversation all the time - turning every conversation back to them

always wanting support. All the time.

Not giving of themselves because they're too busy focusing on their needs.

calling, texting, emailing, facebooking with attention seeking things (sad faces a speciality - their intention is to have all the attention as people go oh hun, what's the matter...)

Everyone has needs.

Everyone has times when they need support.

What makes a needy person different is it's ALWAYS about them. And they can't give the time and attention to others that they demand for themselves.

[HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly]

oh, and constantly wanting/needing/fishing for praise.

Saying things that are designed to get people to give praise. putting themselves down so that people will praise them back up.

[PumpkinPositive]

I'm generally perceived as the total opposite of needy... which can be equally problematic.

[jessjessjess]

"sad faces a speciality - their intention is to have all the attention as people go oh hun, what's the matter"

+1. See also: passive aggressive updates.

[holidaysarenice]

Getting the same email invite as everyone else, but expecting a separate text specifically inviting you...needy!

[jessjessjess]

The friend who made a social arrangement with me after midnight last NY when I was blind drunk, didn't contact me to reconfirm and then sat at home sulking when I didn't remember.

[whois]

oh, and constantly wanting/needing/fishing for praise

Yeah yeah this too.

One girl in our group is becoming a bit much and this is her speciality. SO FUCKING ANNOYING!