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to think I am the worst mother in the world

(22 Posts)
monkeynuts123 Fri 14-Dec-12 14:15:17

DD is 3 and DS is 1. On the way to nursery this morning dd was in the back putting on her deely boppers and kept stabbing herself in the face with them. I asked her to give me them and that I would put them on for her once we got to nursery (4 mins). She threw them at me and screamed and shouted hysterically setting off ds into crying fit. I pulled the car over and told her to stop shouting, she carried on and baby is hiccuping and getting himself into a right state. I shouted at her to shut up (yes crap I know), she carried on, I told her if she didn't stop screaming I would put the deely boppers out of the window and of course this sent her over the edge. I have told her before that if she screams in the car I will pull over and she can stand on the side of the road until she calms down, I have never followed through on this..... until this morning sad

So I got out and got her out of the car seat and took her out of the car and walked her around to the side of the road and stood her way back from the road and told her to stand still while I shut the car door. I saw her look terrified and I think she thought I was going to get back in the car. This is a very very quiet country road. I went back to her and knelt down and calmly explained that I have got her out of the car because it is dangerous to have her screaming in the car and I don't like it, that it is unacceptable and she has upset her brother, I told her I was not going to leave her and I had just shut the door. I walked her back into the car and strapped her in and tried to soothe baby. Baby soothed and toddler quiet we carried on the drive. When we got to nursery I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I knew she thought I was leaving her and that I would never ever leave her and I told her I loved her. Dropped her off and she went in a bit pale and sad looking. I feel absolutely monstrous. sad

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake Fri 14-Dec-12 14:18:06

I think what you did was right in a potentiallu dangerous situation.

DaddyPigsSecretAdmirer Fri 14-Dec-12 14:20:15

I'm sure she's not giving it a second thought at nursery. Don't beat yourself up, we all have times when we lose our temper, and she does sound like she was being quite difficult. You told her you loved her, and she knows this anyway, I'm sure. You're only human, and I'm not sure it's such a bad thing for kids to know their parents sometimes reach the end of their tether. I'm probably saying all the wrong things. Just wanted to let you know I don't think you're a monster, or a bad mum. You wouldn't be so upset if that was the case, surely. Maybe have a quiet evening tonight with blankets, snacks and a DVD? Give you all a chance to chill out?

impty Fri 14-Dec-12 14:23:28

You sound like you are human. You needed her to realise that she needs to be quiet in the car. You also need to follow through on threats.
You realised that she was upset, and comforted her afterwards.
Give yourself a break, it's ok.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Fri 14-Dec-12 14:25:53

Um doesn't everyone shout at their dc sometimes? blush you did the right thing an followed through, if you had not followed through you would have been being a bad parent.

aimingtobeaperfectionist Fri 14-Dec-12 14:26:21

I think you dealt with it in the safest way. Don't beat yourself up. You carried through with what you had previously told her. She may hVe though you were leaving her but you never said that and explained what happened when you went back to her.

Whistlingwaves Fri 14-Dec-12 14:26:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SqueakdeSqueak Fri 14-Dec-12 14:27:20

You poor thing, have you called the nursery to see how she is? She's probably fine, perhaps make her favourite meal for tea ( to make yourself feel better!) i'm also having the rubbish mum bug today my 15 month old dd was playing on my bed earlier and managed to fall and bash her lip on the window sill cue lots of bleeding (as she cut the inside of her lip) and screaming and calpol and hugs, and huge guilt from me that i couldn't grab her in time to stop it happening and worry that she'll lose all her teeth (im fairly certain after investigating her mouth during her nap that she won't) i think you should put your feet up, have a cuppa and chalk it up to experience and at least she now knows if mummy says there are consequences to bad behaviour there are consequences <un mumsnetty hugs>

Fairyegg Fri 14-Dec-12 14:28:53

I think you dealt with it very well.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Fri 14-Dec-12 14:28:55

Not at all. In fact, you should be commended for stopping the car. Sometimes in the heat of the shouting, we can put ourselves and others in danger so well done.

No, none of us should shout. But it happens. This might make her stop and think.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Fri 14-Dec-12 14:29:12

I'm kind of surprised your upset and everyone is comforting you about telling your dc off and following through. Have you never told your dc off before? Not having a go am genuinely confused and surprised or maybe I'm more of a strict parent then most on this thread.

GreatUncleEddie Fri 14-Dec-12 14:29:52

It's fine, honestly. I used to stop the car when they did this and not drive on until they quietened down. Sometimes i would brake a bit harder than normal to make the point. Once I stopped five times on a three mile journey then sent them to separate bedrooms when we got home

fruitstick Fri 14-Dec-12 14:33:14

brandy I think this is actually a stealth boast thread so people can comment on what a wonderful mother she is and how well she handled the situation wink

InNeedOfBrandyButter Fri 14-Dec-12 14:37:25

That makes sense fruit! I mean who's never ever shouted at dc before confused apart from the parents of spoilt entitled creatures

Amytheflag Fri 14-Dec-12 14:48:41

Stopping the car was reasonable, making her get out and stand was not IMO.

HyvaPaiva Fri 14-Dec-12 15:20:43

I agree with Amy. OP, I agree about stopping the car. I agree it is really good to set consequences and see them through. However, I don't think one of the set consequences should ever be 'get out of a car and stand by a road' and for you walk back as if you're getting back into the car without her, however quiet that road may be.

monkeynuts123 Fri 14-Dec-12 15:20:54

This is not a boast thread!!!! I feel awful that I shouted and told her to shut up, I personally don't think it's ok to tell a child to shut up. I also feel crap that she thought I was leaving her there, that is sad. I tell her off and sometimes shout but hate shouting and feel it is an undignified way to discipline but shout sometimes nonetheless as am human and not mother teresa! DD is becoming more and more tantrumy at the moment and I am finding it a real struggle. My mother was totally unhinged and abusive and I suppose I struggle sometimes with knowing what is nomal discipline and my dd screaming and shouting with normal toddler tantrums sometimes reminds me of the aggression and chaos I grew up in. Not feeling very boasty at all sad

monkeynuts123 Fri 14-Dec-12 15:22:16

ps I wanted her out of car away from upsetting ds and stopping alone doesn't work, tried it.

fairylightsandtinsel Fri 14-Dec-12 16:14:24

I don't think you did anything wrong at all and if she got a bit of a shock that may, just may make her be quiet in future when she asks, then fine. She will have forgotten it almost certainly and if not, she will say something about it at which point you can reassure her and explain again why it happened.

Greensleeves Fri 14-Dec-12 16:16:12

monkeynuts I don't think anyone REALLY thought you were boasting - I thought the posters who said that were being tongue-in-cheek and showing you that your OP really doesn't make you sound crap at all!

Driving with distressed screaming infants is bloody dangerous. You had to stop and sort it out. You did that. Your dd will be fine x

NatashaBee Fri 14-Dec-12 16:19:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Softlysoftly Fri 14-Dec-12 16:43:53

I think what you did was fine, better than whacking the iPod up and screeching lalalala I can't hear you through the sound wall.

Which I would never do obviously.

If being a good parent is not shouting I only made it to 2yrs before becoming a shit one.

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