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AIBU to think you don't invite other people on days out you have planned weeks in advance?

(33 Posts)
WeAreEternal Thu 13-Dec-12 06:55:06

I arranges to go shopping with my sister today, I took the day off work especially.

We live a couple of hours away from one another so we don't see each other that often.

We arranged this trip over a month ago, it was her idea.
We both live around 30-40 miles either side of The city that we are arranging to go shopping in.
DSIS doesnt drive so planned to get the train (it's only a 20 minute journey) and meet me there.

Last night I called her to see what time she wanted to meet up and she said "I've arranged a lift so can meet anytime"

I asked her who the lift was with and she said a friend who I don't particularly like but get along with
I asked her why she didn't tell me that she was inviting someone else. She said that she didn't think it mattered.

AIBU to be annoyed that she invited someone else just so that she didn't have to get the train?

I wouldn't have minded so much if she had told me before hand, but she has just left it to the last minute (not unusual for her).

Plus I hardly ever get to see my sister, the last time I saw her was in the half term.

Sirzy Thu 13-Dec-12 06:59:22

That would annoy me to.

Hattie11 Thu 13-Dec-12 07:00:23

She said she's getting a lift, she doesn't appear to have said friend will be shopping with you?

ChasedByBees Thu 13-Dec-12 07:00:46

That would be very irritating.

Onlyaphase Thu 13-Dec-12 07:05:15

My sister used to do this all the time and it irritated the crap out of me. She no longer does it as much as she realised how irritating it is. This took 30 years to sink in.

YouCanBe Thu 13-Dec-12 07:09:14

That would annoy me too. It will spoil your sister time!

WeAreEternal Thu 13-Dec-12 07:19:11

She did Hattie she said she didn't think I would mind, which is why she didn't bother telling me.
I did tell her that I was annoyed because if I knew we were inviting other people I would have asked a friend to come too, but when we arranged the day out it was because we haven't seen each other in months and we wanted to spend time together.

FelicityWasSanta Thu 13-Dec-12 07:20:49

Yanbu that would also wind me up!

Fakebook Thu 13-Dec-12 07:21:30

Yanbu. That would Piza me off.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Thu 13-Dec-12 07:32:49

Is the lift friend definitely shopping with you? couldn't be that she's just going shopping, or to the City, so is dropping your Sis off? If not, and she's hanging out with you all day YANBU it totally changes the dynamics of the day, my Mum brought a friend on a rare day out recently, it was rubbish,we didn't get to talk as normal, and were more concerned about friend having a nice time.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Thu 13-Dec-12 07:33:26

Oops sorry Hattie asked that, can't you bring a friend too?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 13-Dec-12 07:44:41

Would definitely annoy me, too. YANBU.

WeAreEternal Thu 13-Dec-12 07:48:02

It's too late for me to ask someone else now, everyone will be at work today.

It will change the day because I was looking forward to going to my favorite Italian in the city for lunch, but now we won't be able to go there because this friend 'v' won't be able to afford it, so we will have to go somewhere cheaper, my sister warned me that last night.
This friend doesn't work so is always skint, so DSIS pre warned me that we "can't go to expensive places because it will make her [friend] uncomfortable"

My sister is a nurse, it's not like we are loaded, and the Italian isn't expensive.

WeAreEternal Thu 13-Dec-12 07:51:06

Thanks all for agreeing weth me,
Sometimes I do wonder if I am being a little bit unreasonable with things like this.
But I will tell DSIS that I would rather her friend not come.

Although I'm sure I will be painted as the unreasonable cowbag that tuning 'their' plans.

thebody Thu 13-Dec-12 08:07:15

No she's in the wrong here.. Tbh I would cancel, tell dsis that she can shop with her friend and you go somewhere else and enjoy a long lunch with a nice magazine.

She will get the message.

ENormaSnob Thu 13-Dec-12 08:10:23


I would be very pissed off, more so because of the lunch issue.

Tbh, I'd probably cancel.

slatternlymother Thu 13-Dec-12 08:14:49

Yes I would also probably cancel. Enjoy your day, by yourself.

That was thoughtless of her.

jellybrain Thu 13-Dec-12 08:23:16

I am completely on the other side of the fence and wouldn't see this as a problem.
So I will add my first ever YABU to mm grin

VoiceofUnreason Thu 13-Dec-12 08:26:16

YANBU. If two people have arranged something, it's a damned cheek to later invite someone else to join without discussing it with the other person.

whois Thu 13-Dec-12 08:32:19

Agree with OP it's annoying and totally changes the dynamic when someone gets asked without discussion.

DowagersHump Thu 13-Dec-12 08:35:50

I'd be really hurt if my sister did this sad

Bumblequeen Thu 13-Dec-12 08:39:13

This would annoy me too. It will completely change the dynamics.

I have a friend who in the past (no longer meet as often) always wanted to invite friends along when we had nights out. To make matters worse she would call and ask me when with the friend! The funny thing is when she went out with her friends she did not invite me.

fairylightsandtinsel Thu 13-Dec-12 08:39:27

no that's not ok. I sort of did it once when I realised I had double booked myself with two friends but we all took our kids together to a park and it worked out alright, but not something like that which is specifically for the two of you.

willstanton Thu 13-Dec-12 08:40:11

Umm my sister and I do this to eachother all the time - it dosn't bother us in the slightest - we are forever imposing friends on our days out together. We do it the otherway round as well ie bring sister along to day out with friends. Our friends kind of expect that we come as a package and know not to be surprised if we turn up as a two instead of just one of us.

prettybird Thu 13-Dec-12 08:42:32

YANBU - especially if your dsis is already acknowledging that it would mean changing the plans on where to shop mooch and to eat.

I'd tell your you'd still love to spend the day with her alone but failing that, you can arrange another day and she can enjoy the day with her friend, while you enjoy a day pampering yourself (see if you can book a facial, have lunch at your favourite Italian , have a coffee/glass of wine while enjoying a magazine/good book).

Because you're worth it! smile

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