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To feel left out?

(11 Posts)
Nicknamegrief Mon 26-Nov-12 16:13:08

My sister in law has announced to all the family that she is 5 weeks pregnant.

We live abroad and my husband was back in the UK for a course, they had a family meal and told everyone, however I am abroad and my husband has told me because a, I guessed and b, his other sister did the same thing (finally called me two weeks later).

They haven't called, emailed or sent a text.

I just feel a bit hurt to be honest, I appreciate they took an opportunity to when 99% of the family could be together but to not let me know and to ask my husband not to tell me so they could and then not do it just has left me feeling out of it again.

CoolaSchmoola Mon 26-Nov-12 16:19:47

If anyone asked my DH not to tell me something he would tell me anyway - because I'm his wife. That said our family wouldn't ask that unless they planned to call me that day. I'd be having words with DH if he didn't tell me something for a couple of weeks and I had to guess!

Having lived overseas for the last five years I found that out of sight out of accidental mind happened quite a lot. People didn't tell us things, because they simply forgot - life happens, but it is hurtful to the person who feels left out.

The one that niggled me was not being invited to things - because "we didn't think you would come!" For one, that was up to us, and we flew back for all sorts, more from Germany than Cyprus though. But even if we couldn't go it would have been nice to have been asked, just to feel included.

It's not a huge deal. so I wouldn't dwell on it, but I do know how you feel.

CoolaSchmoola Mon 26-Nov-12 16:22:11

That said I wouldn't personally announce a pregnancy at five weeks confused - we had four years of fertility treatment to have DD - and I didn't even tell my Mum til I was 8 weeks, immediate family only at that point, couple more at 12 weeks, public knowledge at 16 weeks.

But a big family announcement at five weeks? For me that WBU....

lljkk Mon 26-Nov-12 16:40:15

by itself it doesnt seem to me like a big omission to have not told you. Is it part of a general pattern of excluding you, though?

FredFredGeorge Mon 26-Nov-12 16:42:56

Why is it a big deal for your SIL to tell you in person that she's pregnant? She told her brother, you might expect him to mention it?

YABU and I don't even get why you would expect to be told?

highlandcoo Mon 26-Nov-12 16:47:43

She told your DH and he has passed the news on to you. And the problem is ?

lljkk Mon 26-Nov-12 16:50:04

I suppose I'm a bit like Coola in that I don't take a 4-5 week pregnancy very seriously. (Bad as it can one feel!) So I'd take it as a maybe development. It'd be different if she got to like 7-8 months pregnant & was still trying to keep you uninformed about it.

missymoomoomee Mon 26-Nov-12 16:50:15

Tbh I have never bothered telling my brothers partners any news, I tell my brothers and they pass it on. I don't see the big deal really.

Nicknamegrief Mon 26-Nov-12 16:52:01

Coolaschmoola, I agree but they are young, excited and pleased. I have never told anyone until 12 weeks personally and have waited until 20 week scan before any announcement beyond family and very close friends.

My husband does tell me, we just never own up to that. It's the being asked to not tell me and then not bothering to tell me.

I am more than a little hormonal (34weeks myself) so while I think it would bother me ordinarily this time it's upset me more than I feel it should. M

Nicknamegrief Mon 26-Nov-12 16:54:23

Fredfred, if they had just told my husband to tell me that wouldn't bother me. It is more the fact they said don't so they could and now haven't.

missymoomoomee Mon 26-Nov-12 16:59:26

People sometimes get wrapped up in their own lives. They maybe wanted to break the news to you and then just got sidetracked. It happens sadly, but I wouldn't get too worked up about it. I'm sure there are times when you mean to call them and life gets in the way so you forget for a few days.

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