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to be hurt by comments about my DS from friends staying with us?

(84 Posts)
Petershadow Tue 20-Nov-12 11:15:40

Or do I need to get a thicker skin?

Separate comments made by both of them

"ooh, just what you need, more sugar"

"yes, that's what you should have, more sugar"

DS is very active, borderline hyperactive

In no way does he have too much sugar.
One of the occasions he had just got up, one of the occasions, he had just had weetabix for breakfast

Dh thinks it was a bit out of order too.

Petershadow Tue 20-Nov-12 12:06:01

in my defence about the packet mix.... ds gets involved, loves cracking the eggs.
But if I had to weigh and measure everything he'd lose patience and be off


harryhausen Tue 20-Nov-12 12:13:38

I'd be upset by comments like that. My DS is 5 and sounds exactly like you describe yours OP. He's an excited puppy from the moment he wakes up, always chatting, jumping, running, acting the fool. He physically can't keep still. He eats well, loves fruit & veg but yes....likes a sweet or two. This makes no difference to his behaviour. In fact the times he's worse is straight after a bath & in pyjamas ready for bed - he sleeps fine though.

I've often had snidey comments from my sister & her husband about him. Once he was climbing a tree at my mums along with his elder girl cousins (my sisters girl).

My BIL said "are you aware DS is climbing a tree?"
I said "yes. He's fine. He still has a cycling helmet on anyway from his bike"
Sister says to BIL "yes. She has a very er 'relaxed' approach to parenting".


I hate to talk about genders, because I had an elder DD who never placid and very adventurous too - but some boys just ARE almost like bright little animals that just need to be on the GO!

Very rude. They're talking rubbish. I can't stand people who make comments about older children when they haven't even experienced that age yet. I always hope they'll have a rude awakening.

OovoofWelcome Tue 20-Nov-12 12:36:54

OP, your post really wasn't confusing.

They were inappropriate.

THERhubarb Tue 20-Nov-12 12:43:02

Petershadow - my apologies, your posts were just very confusing and I simply could not fathom why both of them would make two separate comments about him having more sugar if they had not seen him have any in the first place. I still can't fathom that tbh.

I think I do sympathise with the presumption that parents give children too much sugar and junk food. Unfortunately this can be the case as seen when Jamie Oliver tried to tackle school dinners. Any wander around any school at lunchtime to peek into packed lunches will reveal the truth that most kids are fed rubbish I'm afraid.

I used to work in a school as a TA for children with special needs. Every lunchtime there would be a 'Ritalin Queue' at the office. If you saw what these children had in their lunchboxes you would be horrified. Bar one child whose parents really did try, most would have chocolate, crisps, cereal bars, biscuits etc. Sandwiches would be sparse at best (jam or chocolate spread) and the kids would just cram themselves with this junk food.

One child was really very hyperactive and disruption and despite the evidence to the contrary, his behaviour was markedly worse after lunch. We would sit his parents down, go through his diet and try to persuade them not to give him chocolate, chocolate and yet more chocolate for lunch. But despite our best efforts they would and you could just watch him go higher and higher and higher until he got into trouble and was sent to the Head. Every single afternoon. Yet basically he was a good kid.

I know that not every parent is like this and tbh Petershadow, yours sounds like he has a great diet anyway. Weetabix is a pretty healthy cereal, not a typical kids cereal packed with sugar.

Have you tried Omega 3 supplements? I think they did a study on that recently and the findings were very positive.

You have my sympathies but do recognise that this is not ignorance from your friends, this could be borne out of previous experience although if they have only seen your child eat healthy food then they are really very presumptious and need to be set straight.

Whoknowswhocares Tue 20-Nov-12 12:50:01

Are you sure it wasn't an ill judged comment that was meant to be a joke and just came over all wrong?
We can all do that, can't we? If its a first 'strike' then I would expect you to be a bit thicker skinned but its got to be taken in context. Lots of snidey remarks=rude but a one off=a daft comment not to be taken too seriously imo

N0tinmylife Tue 20-Nov-12 12:50:49

It sounds to me like you are over reacting a bit. From what you have said your DS has a great diet, and is just very full of energy, which you struggle with at times. I have a DS exactly like that, never stops from the moment he wakes up, until his head hits the pillow at night. I am sure I, and other people have made comments along the lines of the comments your friends made. Nothing was ever meant by it, just that there is a perception that sugar gives energy, and kids like ours have far to much plenty as it is.

I think you are perceiving the comments as negative, when they are probably not meant to be at all, unless there have been other comments about his behaviour you haven't mentioned here?

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 20-Nov-12 12:51:46

"But I went to the sugar bowl thing this morning and there was none there."

Did that surprise you?

And how come you did not know you had run out of sugar?

Maybe the friends had seen your ds help himself to sugar?

Maybe the problem is that you have a sugar snacking child?
Maybe this was their way of telling you that they have seen him eat sugar from the bowl?

GoldenGreen Tue 20-Nov-12 12:54:54

It sounds like they were joking based on his "hyperactivity" and the supposed link to sugar intake - implying that he had had loads, but not necessarily expecting him to actually have consumed any.

If you replace the word "sugar" with "caffeine" you'll see what I mean - one might say it jokingly but not really expect a child to have had lots of caffeine.

Anyway, that aside, it was rude of them to say it - but they may not have a realistic idea of what the normal range of activity/general liveliness/noise in children is?

Brycie Tue 20-Nov-12 12:56:10

Oh parents of an only girl. You don't need sugar - you need a very very large pinch of salt. Smile, ignore, smile, ignore.

Petershadow Tue 20-Nov-12 12:58:43

That's why I'm asking, because I am very defensive of DS's behaviour, because I feel like I have tried everything and that's just the way he is.
It is also very much on my mind at the moment as he had a shocking week last week, his behaviour was awful
So yes, maybe I'm overthinking it

TheRhubarb, your scenario sounds shocking.
Fortunately DS's school only has school dinners and they are very healthy and tasty.
I have tried Omega 3, didn't really make any difference, but he still has it

Notquint- The 3 bears took the sugar I think!

diddl Tue 20-Nov-12 12:59:06

Do they mistakenly think he has been having the sugar from the bowl, then?confused

Petershadow Tue 20-Nov-12 13:01:37


maybe they went to put sugar in their tea, and because there was none, they assumed ds eats it

Brycie Tue 20-Nov-12 13:03:54

Are you looking for advice here? As I would have a try at a bit of magnesium, zinc or taurine, if you are really that worried about behaviour. They help focus which always helps behaviour.

SparkyTGD Tue 20-Nov-12 13:04:59

I think you should forget about 'why' they said it but make sure to question them on it if they say anything similar again.

eg What do you mean 'more sugar'? and be ready to explain that your DS has a healthy diet & yes he is a bit hyper but its not really anything to do with that.

They will probably say 'Oh, I was only teasing' to which you could reply '"I know but there's someone I know (invent person) who really goes on about this and it really annoys me because they don't know anything about it" wink

mummytime Tue 20-Nov-12 13:07:24

Do you have Orange Juice? Because that used to make my DS more hyper.

Your house guests were rude and seemed to have reached the fish stage (began to smell).

You can't expect normal behaviour when his routine has been so disrupted. Especially if they aren't letting you get out in the morning. I would be tempted if they hang around to much, to treat your DS like you would a dog and just take him for an early morning walk regardless.

brew to give you patience.

SamSmalaidh Tue 20-Nov-12 13:07:41

Exactly - they could easily have said "ooh, no more coffee/red bull for you!". I doubt they were commented on his diet, just making a joke about energy levels (and maybe trying to empathise/stop you feeling bad about his behaviour - saying it is funny rather than bad).

Petershadow Tue 20-Nov-12 13:09:57

Brycie, I'll try anything! thank you

mummytime- he does have juice, but not loads, and I still water it down
if I give him the choice he will opt for milk

THERhubarb Tue 20-Nov-12 13:11:27

Petershadow - you might find this article on diet and behaviour helpful. It's not just sugar that is to blame it seems.

mummytime Tue 20-Nov-12 14:12:06

You might want to switch juice to see if it has an effect. OJ was severely restricted for years in our family.

Brycie Tue 20-Nov-12 14:47:20

Peter, if you do zinc make sure you give before bed as it makes them sleepy.

blanksquit Tue 20-Nov-12 14:51:59

I think it just sounds like a joke really. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Floggingmolly Tue 20-Nov-12 16:49:54

The key phrase here is "they have a daughter"...
Little boys are not the same species as little girls. Fact.

coldcupoftea Tue 20-Nov-12 17:08:03

Oh God, I hate comments about other people's parenting, especially snidey sarky or passive aggressive comments. A friend of DH's was round the other day and I gave DD age 5 a snack of some grapes, at around 6.45. His comment: "ooh it's a bit late to be having grapes isn't it, they are full of sugar, you won't get to sleep...". OK it may not be the perfect bedtime snack, but she wanted them, I didn't have much else in and most importantly it was none of his business!

Floggingmolly I do disagree with your statement though and I hate it when parents use 'boys will be boys' as an excuse for their badly behaved DC who just happen to be male hmm Not saying this is what the OP is doing though...

Floggingmolly Tue 20-Nov-12 17:14:29

Yes, coldcup, in terms of bad behaviour I agree.
In terms of sheer whirlwind energy, though, they do seem to be different.
(or maybe it's just my kids...)

MyLittleFireBird Tue 20-Nov-12 17:39:46

Children need healthy food and eating a diet of crap does affect them negatively, however I would point out to your friends and anyone else that the idea that sugar specifically causes kids to stay awake/be hyperactive/play up etc is a myth.

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