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Am I in the right to be annoyed or do I need to chill out?

(29 Posts)
WarmBooties Sun 18-Nov-12 13:01:00

It's about dps sleep. He constantly sleeps throughout the day. Not a light nap, but big full on snoring sleeping, have to shake him to wake up. A few things that come to mind:

He lost his keys, so took mine and I said I'll ring the bell to get in.. At 10pm me and the 3dc were outside ringing knocking banging, shouting for 20 minutes. The only reason I got in, was because my neighbour came home from work. I then had to bang our flat door down until he woke up because he had fell asleep on the floor.

He offered to do a night feed with dc2 when she was a baby. I slept on the sofa, ear plugs (to drown out sound of radiator) and door shut. I woke to hear DC2 screaming, legs all stuck out the bars of cot, really distressed. Him- sleeping.

I went out for 45 minutes- came home, DC3 screaming in his cot, DC1 & 2 doing experiments.. Him- sleeping. (dc1 is very sensible so that wasn't an issue but it's annoying.'

Now I do all the night feeds, I survive on about 4/5 hours of broken sleep for the last 2 years. I do everything. I'm sitting here annoyed because DC2 has woken and he has gone in there in her bed to force her back to sleep... Guess what- she is playing in the room and he is fucking sleeping.

Now I must add, I have suffered from insomnia for about 8 years, it's a lot better but maybe I'm jealous of the fact he sleeps so easily? He says I am. And says I'm bring unreasonable for getting annoyed with all this sleeping.

Also to add- things like last night he was SO tired, dropping asleep, so I say 'don't you wanna go up and sleep?' he says he'd rather sleep on the sofa because DC3 wakes him (even though I get him a million times a night whilst he is just snoring) I say ok ok . So he stays up till god knows playing x box/ watching match of the day. Kids all with me in the bed from 630am. So I feel I should be the one fucking sleeping!!

So sorry for the long post, but of I am being unreasonable, I will accept it!

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 13:04:15

A healthy adult needs approx 7 hours of sleep.. he is either lazy or needs to see a doctor.

whois Sun 18-Nov-12 13:07:08

That amount of sleep, and such deep sleep is not normal. I'd be a not worried actually, has e seem his GP?

Sirzy Sun 18-Nov-12 13:08:27

What squeaky said. If he is really in such deep sleeps I would be wondering about getting him to a doctor

Sparkletastic Sun 18-Nov-12 13:10:04

Agree ref doctor. Could be something wrong. Or does he drink a lot?

WarmBooties Sun 18-Nov-12 13:12:58

I suggested this, because also his snoring is very very heavy. BUT he has a skin condition, erm I forget the long name, but it has been on embarrassing bodies- it causes infection.

He has a high amount of anti bodies. In the past 4 years he is supposed to have an MRI, however he has missed EIGHT appointments. The last time, they discharged him. So needs to start the whole process again. I ask, I tell him to make appointments. But I can't force him there so can't sort the problem.

I'm not sure if this is making him sleep all the time? Ah now I feel bad for feeling annoyed.

WarmBooties Sun 18-Nov-12 13:14:07

Yes he does drink a lot.. He cut down a while back which also improved the snoring, but the lagers, and other alcoholic beverages are slowing making an appearance sad

squeakytoy Sun 18-Nov-12 13:14:25

Dont feel bad. He is a part of the family, and it is his duty to get his health checked out if it is causing you all problems like this.

It sounds like he needs to sort his act out a bit to me.

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 13:20:33

He needs to go to the GP, you can't rely on him, you can't leave him in sole charge of his own DCs without putting them at risk, does he understand that until he gets this looked at you have to view him as a danger to the DCs when he's in sole charge? Put it like that, you can't trust him to keep them safe. You can't ever leave him alone over night with them, let alone a few hours.

If he won't go for his own health, he should go for you and your DCs, if he does actually care about the quality of your life.

And no, you can't put him any position where you are relying on him being awake. If he loses his keys again, he sits outside the house waiting for you to come home.

Softlysoftly Sun 18-Nov-12 13:28:44

He must have wasted ££££'s of NHS money on missing so many booked MRI appointments what a charming fellow.

Kick him into gear, it sounds like he can stay awake long enough to play Xbox, does he work?

Nancy66 Sun 18-Nov-12 13:28:56

No, you don't need to chill out. His behaviour is not acceptable. It means he can't be trusted to be alone with his own kids. It's not on.

I doubt there's anything wrong with him. Sounds like he's just a lazy, drunken oaf...he needs some sharp words and a boot up the arse.

WarmBooties Sun 18-Nov-12 13:29:11

That's what I said, I was really pissed off, which caused an argument because he didn't like my tone of voice. But I was pissed off!!!

What makes it worse is he doesn't try. He gets a pillow out, a duvet at times...

Ok I feel less bad- he needs to take responsibility for himself and get to the doctors. I've said the whole 'do it for the kids' but still, nothing. The longer he is sleeping the more I'm getting annoyed.

Yama Sun 18-Nov-12 13:31:55

Agree with everyone else - YANBU.

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 13:35:58

I think you have to make it a 'red line' issue - if he won't get it sorted, (or at least try to go to the doctor) you can't trust him so he should leave the family home for the sake of the DCs and only see the DCs when there is another responsible adult present.

DeckSwabber Sun 18-Nov-12 13:40:15

He may be sleeping to catch up on lost sleep through drinking which affects sleep quality, snoring (some people wake themselves up), and staying up late. Sound like he could do with a week or two of no alcohol and early nights to see if he's less sleepy during the day.

griphook Sun 18-Nov-12 13:42:08

Does he stay up a lot playing x box, because my dp used to go this, he would sleep a bit during the day, then wouldn't be tried the would stay up all night till about 3am then be very tried during the day and fall asleep on the sofa and it was just a repeating cycle.

If he's getting a pillow out he's taking the piss.

Don't feel bad. Night feeds are toture

helpyourself Sun 18-Nov-12 13:46:31

How much does he drink? What you describe sounds more like hungover/ passing out than sleepiness.

WarmBooties Sun 18-Nov-12 14:35:37

He does work- however when he was off work for a year it was the same. But more x box till early hours. Thing is as well he's work means he can be away for about a week every 2 months or so. Where all he does Is sleep from 9pm to 8/9 what ever time he starts work that day. And at the end of the day, I am working part time, do 90% of housework and childcare, and just finished studying. In the new year I am going back full time, so I'm guessing I'm going to be more knackered, and need him not to fall asleep and leave everything to me during his naps. Don't mean to drip feed, but after the naps he needs to have a ciggerette. Which seems to take about 20 minutes outside because he needs to enjoy it.

It seems like when he is out with friends he is not tired, it's a regular occurrence of him yawning, saying he's getting an early night.. Then phone rings. All of a sudden bright eyed and is going for a couple of drinks with the guys

I do feel taken the mick out of. And then I'm nagging, feel like I'm his mum. I suggest early nights, but feel like an idiot telling a grown man when to go to bed.

I am going to say that he has to sort this out and ASAP because it's not fair. Sorry if I missed any questions.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 14:40:29

He sounds like a moron. He's meant to be a responsible father and cant give a rats left gonad about attending appointments about his health? I cant believe what I read on here at times

FutTheShuckUp Sun 18-Nov-12 14:43:22

Sorry just read your latest post. He sounds like a piss taker as well as a moron. Bin him off- what difference will being on your own make with a prize like that?

Lia87 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:45:37

he needs to grow up and support you, he should be making your life easier, not being another person for you to look after!
you shouldnt have to, but if you drove him to his next scan so he has no "i forgot" excuse etc, would he go?
i'd be careful leaving the children with him late when he's tired, if he fell asleep with a little one out of the cot/even an older one at risk of choking etc its not at all safe :/ not trying to worry you but its just a bit concerning how unaware he sounds!
poor you, it sounds like having an extra child!

AnnieLobeseder Sun 18-Nov-12 14:48:02

So he won't take care of his own health and can't be left in sole charge of the children because of these health issues. It doesn't sound normal to be sleeping during the day and not even hearing you hammering on the door. He's being incredibly selfish. I would start issuing some ultimatums if I were you.

NeedlesCuties Sun 18-Nov-12 14:51:10

He is swinging the lead.

Does he have any positive interaction with you and the DCs? Days out? Family activities?

Sounds like he can't be arsed to stay awake unless it's something 'fun' for him - like XBox or drinks with mates.

GrumpyOldWomanToo Sun 18-Nov-12 14:54:19

I completely fail to understand men who aren't men at all, just overgrown children. I guess I've just been lucky with the social circle I have. So, no advice from me, I think someone has to give him a boot up the backside. Probably you.

Poor you.

Mosman Sun 18-Nov-12 14:58:01

What a nobber, you are basically a single parent so kick him out and enjoy the benefits of being one.

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