Hi, I'm new so be nice :D
I had my first baby (DS) 10 weeks ago. Before that, I have always got on reasonably well with my in laws. There were a few issues as they are very different to my parents in that they are a bit interfering and can be quite blunt and abrasive, but no real bust ups, and I thought that they were quite fond of me, as I am (or was) of them.
Anyway, roll on to the birth of ds, and it is like I don't exist!! I had life threatening complications during the birth that resulted in an emergency C section, and me and ds were in hospital on antibiotics for a while after, so it was quite upsetting and traumatic. They didn't show any concern for me at all when visiting in hospital, just couldn't wait to get their hands on my son.
The night I cam back from hospital, I was exhausted, in pain and terrified about the first night with baby without the midwives on call (I'm sure you can all identify with that!!), and I found dh's family at our flat waiting for us!!! They had thrown a surprise 'welcome home' party for me... Now, this is where I feel I might be being a bit ungrateful and diva-like? Honest opinions appreciated. I just didn't want to crowds and noise etc, and they wanted to wake the baby up at the moment I was cutting the cake that they had bought for me (which I ended up serving to everyone when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed).
Whenever I come over there I have ds snatched out of my hands without as much as a hello, and MIL completely takes over the baby and acts as if SHE is the mum!!! She calls him 'my boy' and 'my baby', and does EVERYTHING - changing, feeding ect (another sore point as I failed to breast feed :( ). I'm not even allowed to comfort him when he is crying. If he ever does end up in my arms, it 's not long before I get a family member hovering over me, and eventually saying 'here, I'll have him', or 'give him to me, you get him all the time'.
All the time I'm there, it's like I don't exist or matter. I feel like a baby making machine who has served her purpose for now after giving them their precious grandson, and I am now superfluous (until the next one which, as instructed by FIL, must be another boy).
The only time I get spoken to is when I'm being given unwanted advice and lectures about child rearing (which is mostly outdated rubbish), or worse, being CRITICISED for what I'm doing. MIL has calmed down with this a bit after I started asserting myself, but FIL seems to be getting worse. It's almost as if he is annoyed that I am ds' mother and he lives with me. It's as if he would prefer it if ds lived with them and I was out of the picture!
DH has noticed this and has defended me when FIL has been really out of order with criticisms (e.g. 'I don't thing my grandson is being looked after properly'). WTF???? But when he challenged his dad, FIL just said I was being 'over sensitive'. Uh, yea - |I'm a new mum, of course I'm going be sensitive to that comment!!!
All this coupled with the fact that I was bombarded with unscheduled visits in the early weeks, and made to feel evil when DH asked them to cool it, all of which resulted in me being so stressed out and low. I'm sure it's partly why the breastfeeding didn't work out.
DH is really supportive and he defends me and has my back, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference, and I can't help feeling hurt at the sudden change in behaviour from MIL and FIL (i.e. the ignoring).
Thank you if you've got this far!!
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Husband's family ignoring me after baby (long - sorry)
43 replies
Wertrude · 18/11/2012 02:44
OP posts:
SuffolkNWhat ·
18/11/2012 08:04
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SuffolkNWhat ·
18/11/2012 08:05
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