To wonder why the midwife rushes me out in under three min...?

[Tallylo]

I've never ever seen anyone else waiting for her. Even when I was accidently early by over 15min on two occasions, or waited for a pick up after. When she offers you appointment times they are always an hour apart or more. I always wait for 5-10min while she gossips with that week's student midwife (you can't help but hear every word in the empty corridor, it is GOSSIP). It's impossible starting to chat with her, e.g

'I've been having severe headaches recently, like none I'm had before'
'dehydrated?'
No, really sure I'm not dehydrated. It was the first thing I thought of so I've made an effort'
'mmmm'
'is there anything else that it could be do you think, I'm never been woken up by one before'
'tired?'
(whilst filling in paperwork which may or may not be yours)

Now she has a student every week she doesn't have to even get out of the chair, they do every check then feedback to her. She doesn't strain her neck to look in the direction you're in during this. The students seem to have been at a very early stage, lovely but not used to interaction yet, not like the one who delivered my last baby.

AIBU to write a home birth plan with the decision not to have one if she's on duty?? I'm so frustrated in her presence and can't imagine labouring while she stares at me silently like a cow chewing the cud Or is it out of order to dislike someone like this and have a preference. I'm quite flexible with home birth/ hospital. I just can't face hour upon hour of her staring and not communicating...

She did actually use a sentence today 'oh, not many of my ladies have home births, I'm always being asked why not' I was

[Justforlaughs]

Just be warned that the midwife you get when get into hospital might be even worse! . YANBU to not want her to be at the delivery of your baby.

[Tallylo]

I thought of that just for laughs, but then I thought as they won't have already been winding me up for the past 30 weeks to the point when her sugary unfocused 'hello mummy' is enough to make me itch I might be more tolerant!

[Phineyj]

She sounds awful. This is something really important. Would you put up with this attitude or level of service in any other area in life? It's worrying that she doesn't listen to you about things like headaches. I'd consider reporting her to the supervisor of midwives at the hospital.

[thebody]

Phyneyj, agree totally, op if she was your dentist, doctor, builder etc you would either report her attitude or change to another.

Ask the manager of health centre or her senior manager to swap you.

[queenrollo]

I agree with Phineyj. You should speak to the supervisor of midwives about this.
My M/W is very attentive, understands that I am firm about some things because I know my own mind, and yet still gives me opportunity to raise any worries I might have.
Is she doing the checks she is supposed to? Blood pressure, urine dip etc.

You know I really don't think you should accept this if you are not happy with it. I'm hoping for a home-birth and I couldn't consider it if I thought I might get someone like your m/w attending.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

OP you're not in Leicester are you?! She sounds the same as mine

[DinosaursOnASpaceship]

Do we have the same midwife?

I don't even know my midwifes name. She is dismissive, doesn't listen and writes stuff on my notes which she must have totally imagined in her head such as "discussed diet, advised on posture" which is total rubbish as unless I fell asleep or something and missed the conversation it never actually happened.

I'm in the room 3 - 5 minutes tops, she dips a stick in my wee, takes my blood pressure and has a quick listen to the baby's heartbeat. She did measure my stomach last week though which was an exciting break from routine. She puts the position of the baby on my notes to although ive got no idea how she can tell as she never actually touches my stomach.

[ISpyPlumPie]

YANBU - sounds like pretty poor care tbh. Don't think she should be relying on v new students to do checks either. There was a student at my last appt, and my usual mw double-checked all her results as she'd only just started her placement.

[DigestivesWithCheese]

Tallylo - you are not unreasonable. I recently contacted the supervisor of midwives in our area & asked to change because my midwife was as you describe. It is my third pregnancy but my first with twins & I am pretty anxious this time. I've already had a few problems and would love some reassurance at appointments as well being able to ask questions about breastfeeding two and that kind of thing.

I was given a new midwife, I went along to meet her, and she was exactly the same! Couldn't be bothered to make eye contact when speaking to me, blatantly not listening to anything I said, not as much as a "how are you feeling?" from her. Both the ones I've seen have been like robots - blood pressure, urine sample, listen in to babies and then "okay, I'll see you soon". I have had to say "Did you get both the heartbeats?", "Are they okay?" as they clearly didn't want to have any kind of conversation with me. After the last apt (with the new one) I came out & burst into tears! A bit OTT but it just feels strange to deal with someone so cold at I time when I am feeling a bit down.

In my other pregnancies I have always seen lovely midwives,I took it for granted at the time. However, they were a lot older and more "motherly". The recent ones have been much younger. I put it down to the fact that maybe they have more paperwork now & are perhaps too stressed to make any kind of effort.

So, if you ask to change, I hope you get someone with a better attitude, not another one who is just the same!

As I left last time, the midwife said "I've got a student here next time - she'll do the apt". I was irritated that she didn't have the courtesy to ask if that was okay rather than just announcing it to me but I couldn't be bothered to say anything about that,I just wanted to go home.

[Tallylo]

I'm fortunate in that my pregnancy is very smooth so not too worried about checks, student announces the bp which is ok and look like they know how to read a dipstick. I can feel the position of the baby myself pretty clearly too. I'm not so fussed about the appointments really, though if I developed issues I'd probably ask to be changed.

Robotic is a good way to describe her, well an under-charged robot.

I'm just thinking of a last minute plan to expressly say in the birth plan I'd like someone else. I don't so much judge her abilities as a midwife (well she's never demonstrated much either way) but I just know I'd blow a fuse with her in labour as I loose the ability to censor my thoughts. She's send me mental staring at me with slooow comments in a slooow voice not registering anything I said.

It's amazing though, I'm in London and you normally get a different MW every time. It's unheard of to have the same, we are just allocated a team of MWs by area who we may be seen by. I must be the only one in the area who has been bloody picked to be kept by a MW for every appointment. I met her once last time. In her sloooow sugary voice she distractedly said I was leaving 'mmm and don't forget to keep an eye on that jaundice' I was as I hadn't noticed ds had it (don't know how, he was quite yellow).