DSIS and I have had a rubbish up bringing resulting in me taking on most parenting duties from the age of 10 and her leaving the family home with me when I turned 16 until I was 20 and DM decided once the hard part was done and she would parent again. DSIS is 6 years younger than me. SS have never been involved, looking back it seems hard to believe they weren't.
I then fell pregnant at 21, but had reached where I wanted to be career wise, DP had a house and a good job. I have never relied on the state, and have always had to fight hard to get anything/anywhere.
DSIS is now 21 and pregnant, has only a minimum wage job for 12 hours a week. Has minor learning difficulties, no house, no car etc. Her 'DP' is the same but has more practical skills than her. I.e. Is able to bank, and has better social skills. He is 23 and acts 19ish, DSIS would be like a typical 14-16year old in most areas.
She seems to think because I was 21 and pregnant I should be all on board and support her. She also thinks she will turn out like me, solely because we were the same age to fall pregnant.
I can't, this poor baby will have SS involvement(DSIS has already been told this) they hope to be placed in a council house (I feel this is the reason they are having a baby and fail to see baby does not equal council house) they will never achieve well enough paid jobs to support a child so will rely on the state. If SS decide to remove the baby (possible) she will be crushed. Her DP is also highly volatile and their relationship is strained at best. He has been abusive in the past.
Everyone else seems ecstatic but I can't help but feel there is nothing that will turn out well. Everyone seems to have an 'oh well if anything goes wrong ClutchingPearls will sort it out and fix it' attitude.
DM will not cope with the baby, hopefully DSIS will but I've already made it clear that I will not be able to take on the baby. I now have three DC one with significant medical and developmental issues. At best DSIS will be housed (unlikely anytime soon) and it will change her completely.
I suppose I suddenly feel that despite all my efforts to make thinks better for DSIS she will end up needing alot of support and I just can't give that any more.
I also still feel a parental type tie to her but I plan on distancing myself from her and DM rather than actually telling her I would't support it. And won't get involved with SS decision. but if she was to reach out to me I would find it difficult to not get involved.
I just feel so sick about the whole situation. It feels like her decision to fall pregnant will have impact on me and at the moment I can't cope with anything more.(currently dealing with DC2 issues and the past coming back to haunt me in other areas)
I feel so bad because I feel my lack of support may influence her ability to cope/parent and then also SS decision.
Sorry that was suppose to be quick,.
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AIBU?
To be struggling with DSIS pregnancy and consider not supporting it?
12 replies
ClutchingPearls · 11/11/2012 17:37
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