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is my mum bu and very controlling?

(8 Posts)
mamamibbo Wed 07-Nov-12 10:09:56

my cousin is 17 and living with my mum while her mum is in hospital

she is overweight, my mum is seriously underweight

my sister (20) 2 brothers (15 and 21) and my step dad live there aswell

my mum controls buys and cooks the food

she has decided my cousin needs to be on a diet so she is cooking the usual food for everyone else and giving my cousin 'diet' food (salads etc) and smaller portions, she even told my cousin and brother they couldnt have a take away (while my mum and step dad were out for a meal) that my cousin was paying for out of her own money

my cousin hasnt agreed to this and doesnt want it but she wont listen

she is being unreasonable and controlling isnt she?and what should i do?

my cousin has no where else to go, her house has been gutted because my aunties mental health problems made her seriously neglect it and cousin is a student with part timr job so hasnt got money to move out and i cant afford for her to come here (theres 6 of us already)

TakingTheStairs Wed 07-Nov-12 10:11:53

She probably has the best intentions but she is being unreasonable, yes.

Also, it sounds like your cousin has been through some upheaval and now is not the time to start at her about her weight. She has enough to deal with.

sashh Wed 07-Nov-12 10:23:47

Could you order pizza to be sent round?

Forcing your cousin to diet is cruel. I'm not usually one to say call in SS but maybe she (cousin) needs some support.

Justforlaughs Wed 07-Nov-12 10:27:22

I'd turn up on the doorstep with a takeaway in hand tbh. YANBU but your mother is. Do you eat there? Can you say something about it? Or could your Sister move in with your cousin and help her to sort out the house, you could all chip in with a bit of time.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Wed 07-Nov-12 10:28:54

Could your mum have an eating disorder?

dreamingofsun Wed 07-Nov-12 10:29:08

would be better if your mum could cook healthy, low cal meals that were suitable for everyone and not single your cousin out. suggest hairy bikers new cook book to her - its brilliant - maybe you could buy it for her as a treat? my husband raves about several of the meals i've cooked from it despite not being on a diet

pictish Wed 07-Nov-12 10:30:10

Yanbu - your mother is. I'm sure she thinks she's helping...but she's not. She's ramraiding your cousin into something that is not within her jurisdiction to impliment.
Rude.

HecatePropylaea Wed 07-Nov-12 10:30:21

Has your mum got an eating disorder? Just that you mention how underweight she is and how controlling she is about food?

Tell your cousin that if they want a takeaway, they order (and pay for it) but have it delivered to your house.

you must stress that they must pay for it though. Don't want any misunderstandings.

Yes, if your cousin is overweight then objectively it would be better for her to get herself to a healthy weight. It is better to be a healthy weight than not to be.

but to have that decision forced on you, while your mum's in hospital, is not right.

Your mum is likely to just make your cousin feel really low and bad about herself, which might result in her eating more - if she's a comfort eater, and putting weight on.

You need to tell your mum to stop bullying your cousin at a time when she needs some tlc and to not project her own food issues onto other people.

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