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To not want my OH to call our son lazy!

(23 Posts)
littlemisspumpkin Wed 07-Nov-12 09:15:36

Our son who is in year 2 struggles with his reading and writing and gets very frustrated when he doesn't know a word.

He also struggles with instructions aswell, if you ask him to get something from by the tv for example he doesn't think to look around for it, he looks to one side and says he can't find it. (he does want to find it, he does genuinely look).

I have noticed it more and more, especially since his younger brother can do things that he can't (I know all children are different and I don't make him feel bad he can't do it, just a comparison).

Anyway luckily his teacher this year is excellent and at parents evening (I had to work so couldn't go) his teacher raised concerns, and would like him to have an IEP and is going to arrange a meeting.

I really do think he is dyslexic from doing a lot of reading about it, but I know this is just what I think.

I said yesterday I was going to send a note to the teacher asking for a meeting to see how I can help him in the meantime, and just to discuss things before the meeting as I wasn't there to discuss it at parents evening.

My OH got all stroppy and said he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and he is just lazy, and I should just teach him to read the way school teaches everyone!

If he is dyslexic then he can't just read the same way everyone can, and I want to find a way to help him read which he doesn't struggle with!

I feel like I'm on my own with this one, but I am going to find out the best way to help my son to learn, he is not lazy, he just can't do it the same way others can, I believe all children are different and you can't expect them to all learn the same way.

Anyway am I being unreasonable to think he is not lazy and he shouldn't be called that!

honeytea Wed 07-Nov-12 09:32:15

YANBU. I am angry on behalf of your son that his own father would call him lazy sad

being dyslexic often means that a child is very good at something a non dyslexic childstruggles with, for me it was doing jigsaws, not the most useful skill but I was very proud of doing 2000 bit jigsaws at 5. Maybe try to find a little something that your DS is fantastic at over and above other kids his age, that would help show your DP that your son is far from lazy and it would also boast your son's confidence.

GrimAndHumourless Wed 07-Nov-12 09:42:35

The first thing I would do is ask GP for s hearing test

MammaTJ Wed 07-Nov-12 10:09:31

Hearing test first! Then eye test and explain what is going on before hand.

There is one simple test that you can do yourself, ask him to put his hands as though they are a telescope and now look through it. Is he right handed? Look and see which eye he puts the telescope to. Is it his left? People who are cross dominant struggle to learn to read and right and it can be a sign of dyslexia.

littlemisspumpkin Wed 07-Nov-12 10:13:36

He had an eye test recently but I shall ask for a hearing test!

He is left handed and that's another thing, oh calls him cack handed which drives me mad! He thinks he is being funny but I tell him not to say it as it could give him a complex about it!

Thanks for the tips smile

Justforlaughs Wed 07-Nov-12 10:19:26

YANBU at all, in fact your OH would get the sharp end of my tongue if I heard him, now my own DS1 was is lazy! Some kids are and there's no getting around it, but from what you say you need to make that appointmant with his teacher and see what can be done to help your son.

sashh Wed 07-Nov-12 10:30:44


And tell your husband there is nothing 'wrong' with dyslexics.

We are taking over the world, along with the Aspies. We already have scillicon valley. Neurotypicals should be afraid, very afraid.

AmberLeaf Wed 07-Nov-12 10:37:09

YANBU and your DH is a nobber.

Being kind id say maybe your DH is struggling to accept that his child is 'flawed' [Im not suggesting a possible learning disability makes a person flawed, but I know some people feel that way and lots of parents struggle to accept things like this] and this is his way of dealing with it?

You are doing the right thing though, keep on pushing on with the school and yes see your GP re a hearing test.

littlemisspumpkin Wed 07-Nov-12 14:07:25

Thank you, I didn't think I was being unreasonable!

I just want what is best for my son, no parent wants their child to struggle but if he is dyslexic then I can at least try and help him the best I can.

The thing is oh's sister is dyslexic and he thinks he might be too but only mildly so you would think he would understand better than anyone!

I did think maybe he is struggling to accept it but he doesnt have to be mean about it and yes I agree he is a knobber

StanleyLambchop Wed 07-Nov-12 15:28:00

He is left handed and that's another thing, oh calls him cack handed which drives me mad

Cack Handed?? Like Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Julius Caesar and Prince William-fancy him flying that helicopter what with being 'cack handed' and all!!
Sorry, your DH is being an idiot for that statement alone, let alone the rest of it!

ClippedPhoenix Wed 07-Nov-12 15:35:14

To be fair I'm left handed and get called this, it really doesn't bother me one bit.

StanleyLambchop Wed 07-Nov-12 15:36:55

I too am left handed and it bothers me a lot.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 07-Nov-12 15:44:23

Maybe I'm not easily offended then grin

SCOTCHandWRY Wed 07-Nov-12 15:46:47


And tell your husband there is nothing 'wrong' with dyslexics.

We are taking over the world, along with the Aspies. We already have scillicon valley. Neurotypicals should be afraid, very afraid.

Indeed so. grin
I have always drummed into my Aspie and my Dyslexic DS's that they learn differently, that there is nothing WRONG with them, it's the education system which is the problem. They have always had a very positive view of there own selves as individuals, despite the best efforts of some teachers to batter their square pegs into round holes...

OP your husband is an arse but I wonder if he "complaineth too loudly"? Does he exhibit and Dyslexic traits himself? He could be repeating the "lazy" mantra from his own childhood (I heard that one directed at me (dyslexic) a lot at school). He should be building his DS esteem, not destroying it sad

mummysmellsofsick Wed 07-Nov-12 16:19:04

Yanbu. V important your dh stops with the insults

lottiegarbanzo Wed 07-Nov-12 16:25:03

Maybe you DH is resentful that your DS will get help that he didn't?

Cack handed is horrible, though to me it implies clumsy. Cack is poo too.

diddl Wed 07-Nov-12 16:39:09

"and I should just teach him to read the way school teaches everyone!"

My son is dyslexic.

He learnt the sounds of letters & "groups" of letters, but struggled put the sounds together to say a word.

When he improved from this he wouldn´t recognise a word that he had just read on the line above-every word had to be sounded out as new.

He went on a 12wk course part way through his 2nd year & was taught hand signs to say with the sounds.

He had to learn & practice (as did I) every day.

It was bloody hard!

But it worked for him.

Your husband needs to help & support him.

Not make him feel bad about it or ridicule him.

If they are both dyslexic you would think he would be more understanding.

My husband & I both always had reading ages above our years & are avid readers.

We just couldn´t get our heads around it/put ourselves in his shoes.

It also impacted on our already quiet son´s confidence & of course made all school work harder due to the reading involved.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 07-Nov-12 17:32:02

Or maybe your DH doesn't want to believe that his son is anything less than perfect?

Mayisout Wed 07-Nov-12 17:38:08

Agree that either DH doesn't want to belief DS is less than perfect or is reliving his own childhood issues as other posters said.

Pull him up on it. It's not fair.

honeytea Wed 07-Nov-12 17:46:19

Being dyslexic does not mean your not perfect (or not any less perfect than the average person)

diddl Wed 07-Nov-12 17:47:23

Well he might not want to believe it-but insulting his child isn´t going to help anyone-least of all his child!

Mayisout Wed 07-Nov-12 17:51:10

Oops, I wrote 'belief DS is less than perfect ' I should have writtien
believe DS is anything less than perfect

Sorry folks.

Mind was on a family issue which is similar and which was handled badly.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 07-Nov-12 17:53:58

Of course it doesn't honeytea, my ex is dyslexic and my son is now being tested for it. If anything they are bright as buttons in many other ways. I made that comment due to my DP struggling with his son being gay, I tried to steer him to the possibilities, he dug his head in the sand until his son actually declared it and maybe this is what the OP's DH is doing.

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