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In not giving my DD a lift?

(23 Posts)
Iactuallydothinkso Fri 02-Nov-12 16:59:00

Right! She was meant to finish work at 6. My DH was collecting her then because she asked earlier in the week if she could be picked up and taken to the station and when the answer was a yes, she booked a train for 630. Without a lift, she wouldn't get to the train station in time. Now, she got home at 415 as work was quiet and they let her go, she wants a bath then something to eat and then a lift to the train station when she has plenty of time now to get the bus with the unlimited bus pass she has been supplied with (just started job so we paid the first month). Had she not been let off work, she wouldn't have had a bath or something to eat.

She is kicking up a right fuss but I don't see why we should pay out twice for a journey. Once with a bus pass and she has enough time to get herself there and once again with the petrol for the journey.

She's 17 by the way. Are we being unreasonable?

mynewpassion Fri 02-Nov-12 17:12:18

If its such a hardship and so costly, then don't.

IloveJudgeJudy Fri 02-Nov-12 17:15:28

Oh, gwan. Do it this once and tell her you won't do it next time. She's only 17 and her brain doesn't work the same way an adult's does. (have teenagers 18/16/14 myself).

Please come back and let us know what you decided.

UndeadPixie Fri 02-Nov-12 17:15:44

YANBU, I would have had to get the bus in that situation or pay my Mum the bus fare to drive me there.

My Mum would drive me around quite a bit if she was free (as the only way to my school town was two buses and the time to get to the second bus was literally two minutes, so if the first was late I'd be sitting in around for half an hour for the next one!) but she always expected the full bus fare.

Jenny70 Fri 02-Nov-12 17:17:52

Is she going to miss the train? If she has enough time to get the bus, she'd have to skip the bath/snack and get the bus. If she had already left it too late, I'd be charging her fuel money...

StaceeJaxx Fri 02-Nov-12 17:18:25

Actually I would give her a lift, she's probably knackered after being in work all day, so a bath and something to eat would be nice. You don't have to do it every time.

maybenow Fri 02-Nov-12 17:18:39

Is it about the money or the time? If it's about the money then ask her to bung you a fiver for petrol money.
If it's about the time, then it's up to you... your DH would have had to drive to the station anyway.

BackforGood Fri 02-Nov-12 17:18:46

YANBU in my opinion.

Iactuallydothinkso Fri 02-Nov-12 17:19:26

Well, she just came downstairs, complained there was no food to eat (I went shopping yesterday!) and then picked up her stuff and left saying I'll just go hungry then. She could take food to work with her, she just has to make it. At 17 I don't think I should need to make her packed lunches!

Anyway, she's gone to get the bus so probably the quickest aibu ever!

MadameCastafiore Fri 02-Nov-12 17:37:16

Blimey, I'd give her a lift, can't see what the big problem is, if you are not busy what's the big problem?

Iactuallydothinkso Fri 02-Nov-12 18:13:38

Its the whole entitlement thing I think. Because a lift was secured earlier she thinks it was still available although the circumstances changed. She never said anything either. From the moment she got home to the minute she left she was moany and whiny and complaining. I got a barrage of texts telling me I don't care about her and how she's been forced to be alone in the middle of the night. Yes, I actually feel it would have been easier to just give her the lift but it's not teaching her how to be polite or to take responsibility for her own arrangements and to ask nicely or to inform people when they change.

However, I do feel guilty......

quoteunquote Fri 02-Nov-12 18:19:14

However, I do feel guilty......

Don't please, at 17 she more than capable of getting from A to B, if you keep doing stuff for her, she will never learn how to self manage herself.

Only give lifts when she stops asking for them.

you will be doing her a massive favour in the long run.

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 02-Nov-12 18:19:24

Give her a lift you big meanie.

KazzaRazza Fri 02-Nov-12 18:21:00

I'd give her a lift.

You said you would.

You didn't tell her that if her circumstances changed then the lift would no longer be available.

As JudgeJudy said, their brains don't work the same way as adults. Just make sure that you tell her that it won't happen next time.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Fri 02-Nov-12 18:21:26

You did the right thing.

You can't ask for favours and then be rude. Or in this case- be rude and ask a favour!!

onessa Fri 02-Nov-12 18:21:34

you sound like a lovely mother!

Iactuallydothinkso Fri 02-Nov-12 18:23:55

Onessa I don't know if you're being nice or not!

I do feel like a big meanie, really.

We did say there was a lift and we didn't say if the circumstances changed, it would change, you're right. That's probably why I feel like I might have made a bad decision.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Fri 02-Nov-12 18:28:25

You said you'd give her a lift and then didn't? I think if I was expecting a lift that had been pre arranged I'd have felt quite upset if that was changed. When work finished early she was probably quite pleased she now had time to eat and get ready!

Its different if she'd been expecting a lift but hadn't asked, but as you'd said you would you've gone back on your word :-(

usualsuspect3 Fri 02-Nov-12 18:30:16

You offered her a lift in the first place so YABU a little bit, That said my DS rarely gets lifts he catches the bus everywhere.

SecretNutellaFix Fri 02-Nov-12 18:36:06

If she had behaved well, I would have said YWBU.

Given her behaviour and attitude, YANBU and this young woman needs to wake up and deal with the real world.

BackforGood Fri 02-Nov-12 18:44:14

OP hasn't gone back on her word at all CanI. You've twisted that completely.

OP's DH was going to collect her from work and deliver her to the station. OP was nothing to do with the arrangement.
My reading is that dh was leaving work himself, would collect dd and drop her at station, while he was out and about anyway, on way home from work, because it's the only way she could have got to the station on time.
That's very different from the op going out of the house (I'm presuming into the town centre where the station is?) especially to give a lift to someone who had plenty of time not to need one, and who can travel freely on the bus (as opposed to petrol being used in the car) , which she can do because her parents funded a month's bus pass for her.

alphabite Fri 02-Nov-12 18:55:01

She is 17 and she is working. Be grateful. It's only a lift for goodness sake.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits Fri 02-Nov-12 18:55:55

I think there was a 6.30 agreement, irrespective of how much time she had. If your dh was ok to do it before then thats ok. Maybe you should keep to it.

However, I too have a teenage dd who has such a mammoth sense of entitlement, she often bites the hand that feeds her.

Moving out soon!

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