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AIBU?

To be a new parent and suddenly very afraid......

19 replies

Spice17 · 30/10/2012 15:27

My baby dd is 13 days old today and EVERYTHING bloody scares me.

I can no longer watch the news or read stories in magazines without feeling so sad and bawling my eyes out at anything to do with kids and freaked out and panicked about the world she's come into.

All the cliches are so true, I would die for her and if anyone hurt her God help them!

AIBU? Or is this the norm when you become a mum? Do I have to just get used to it? TIA :)

OP posts:

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Portofino · 30/10/2012 15:30

I felt EXACTLY the same. It does get better - honest. My HV's advice was that if you stops you living your life as you normally would, see your GP to rule out PND. Otherwise it is normally new mummy anxiety. I remember it being very scary but it does pass

JoleneRocks · 30/10/2012 15:33

YANBU. I still haven't got used to it after 3 years. Everything scares me, just everything!

I now don't watch the news much, I avoid the Daily Mail like the plague (their sensational stories are awful) and try to avoid stories that sound upsetting.

I worry that someone will wonder off with my DC, I hand hold AT ALL TIMES when we are out, in case they wander off or they get taken. I have safe proofed my house to silly lengths, I basically worry all the time but its just because I just love them more than I thought it was possible to love anything or anyone and they are so precious.

Itsjustafleshwound · 30/10/2012 15:34

I think it is normal that you begin to see things differently

CrapBag · 30/10/2012 15:34

It does get better. When I had DS, I was terrified, particularly when DH finished his paternity leave and I was suddenly responsible for this little person mostly by myself in the days.

I now have DD as well and I am less terrified now. But the thought of them getting hurt or someone horrible getting hold of them still scares me. I would bloody kill anyone who laid a finger on them, I think that is part of being a parent but it gets easier to live with as they get older and you can teach them certain things about looking out for themselves.

I no longer read certain stories, particularly involving children. I just can't bear it. Stay clear of topics that upset you, its just easier than getting worked up about.

JoleneRocks · 30/10/2012 15:35

I should say, that its better now than it was at first, but it has never gone away for me. Friends have commented on it actually, that I am anxious, but its just my personality, I have always been the same.

SCOTCHandWRY · 30/10/2012 15:38

THIS IS NORMAL, I remember crying for days when I had DS1, he was a very small baby when Dunblane happened (only an hours drive away), I wondered what we had done bringing kids into a world like that.
You worry - it's part of learning to anticipate dangerous situations I suppose - to help keep your children safe.
I agree with PP, if it's interfering with life, see your GP or HV but it will likely pass on it's own over time (you never stop worrying about your kids though!).

Congratulations on your new DD

Spice17 · 30/10/2012 15:47

Thanks all, I hate all this April Jones stuff :( and wish the sick bastard would just say what he did with her, those poor, poor parents.

I love her more than I thought possible (am tearing up now - silly cow!) and just want her to be healthy and happy - which I know is normal. It's odd how you can be so happy and in love and yet so God damn frightened for your child and their future.

And finally, I know Daddies love their children too (DH is wonderful with her and loves her to bits) but there really is nothing as fierce and a mothers instinct and love is there?

OP posts:

12ylnon · 30/10/2012 15:57

This is normal! I went through a phase after DS was born of not watching nasty stories on the news and only reading books and watching films that had nice plot lines, couldn't handle anything disturbing. I think the problem was as well that i was so tired that i just couldn't be bothered with worrying about anything that wasn't totally necessary!

It'll pass, but i'd try to make a conscious effort not to let it affect my parenting too much, children don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool. I remember one of my friends FLIPPING OUT because her DS (about 2 at the time) took a camping kettle out of the back of the car. It was cold and empty and he was trying to be helpful, but he should 'never touch a kettle because you'll have to go to hospital if you do'

CrapBag · 30/10/2012 16:04

"And finally, I know Daddies love their children too (DH is wonderful with her and loves her to bits) but there really is nothing as fierce and a mothers instinct and love is there? "

I often wonder the same. DH is a fantastic dad and he loves his children more than anything but I really don't know if it is the same as a mothers instinct (not including shite mothers that don't deserve to call themselves that).

poorchurchmouse · 30/10/2012 22:05

I think good fathers feel just the same. DH admits he can't bear to read news stories about horrible things happening to children now. He would do anything for DS.

Haberdashery · 30/10/2012 22:11

YANBU. This is completely normal. I do think people ought to be warned about it, though!

fluffypillow · 30/10/2012 22:13

Perfectly normal. Your view of the world changes when you have children.

They are so bloomin' precious aren't they? :)

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 30/10/2012 22:13

All normal.

After ds1 was born I signed up to give blood, and took a load of food to an old homeless man that used to wander around near me.

(He's buggered off with my good flask though now)

You see the world differently when you have a child. A beautiful world-but also a very scary one

gwenniebee · 30/10/2012 22:14

YANBU :) My dd is 16wks tomorrow - don't know where the time's gone. I wept through her first week because, as I told my mum, "I love her so much I think I'm going to break!".

It's eased a bit, but if I read about things happening to children (especially some of the heartbreaking bereavement threads on here) I am in bits. I assume it's normal!

Bluegrass · 30/10/2012 22:23

"And finally, I know Daddies love their children too (DH is wonderful with her and loves her to bits) but there really is nothing as fierce and a mothers instinct and love is there? "

The fathers I know would crawl naked over broken glass rather than see any harm come to their kids. I don't see any difference between them and the mothers to be honest. Saying they just "love them to bits" doesn't really do it justice.

Gentleness · 30/10/2012 22:29

It does get better. And really, you can take a break from keeping up with the news if you want! You can be as ignorant of the outside world as you please for the next month at the very least. Pregnancy and new babies seem to bring out a weepiness in me that is very unlike my usual self. So maybe avoid all soap operas too - in fact anything but comedies!

AnotherCerealNameChanger · 30/10/2012 22:32

Even my DH admits he doesn't like movies where bad things happen to families. And this is a guy who had no ethics when it came to films! except porn we have a strict understanding on that not happening ever

maddening · 30/10/2012 22:35

Lots of hormone peaks and crashes in the first few weeks.

Your hv should offer a pnd quiz to see whether you're at risk.

Watch some comedies and eat some chocolate in the meantime :)

maddening · 30/10/2012 22:39

Comedies as in the mighty boosh, league of gentleman, stand up shows, some friends (not the emotional ones!) if you have sky then there's loads and the American ones on comedy central, south park, family guy, stuff on Dave, the fast show etc etc

Not romantic comedies!

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