Making friends

[Rachie80]

I know this is the wrong forum, but this is the busiest-sorry. I am a lurker (sorry!) and I am just so lonely. I have no idea how to sort myself out. I moved to London to go to uni, met my now husband and stayed. His family are abroad, and only have a Mum and sister. I see my sister regularly but she lives an hr away. She is lovely and has my boys to stay overnight.

My Mum is a little odd over the last five years has fallen out with her only two friends and her only sibling. In July out of the blue she sent me a vile text saying she wasn't going to bother anymore. I didn't reply, no energy. Figured it def not me, she seems to love the bust ups?!

My husband works for himself and works insane hours. So I am alone every evening. Babysitters are very £££ and my oldest is Autistic. Also and scared of leaving him. I had a little circle of friends, over the last five years 2 have gone abroad and two have moved way up north.

I can't seem to make friends, school run is awful all forced smiles and then back turned. My son is not a naughty boy but he has is problems, he has never had a invite for dinner. Lots of parties though. I force myself to have a friend over for dinner once a fortnight. All goes well, its hardwork as I have to do something with them both. Playdoh, I buy two magazines to do the crafty things in them etc. Leaving my son just to play doesn't work.

This half term has hit me that I don't have one friend, that I won't get one text. I'm so lonely and sad. I have twice tried to arrange a meet up with some of the mums in my son's class. They added me to their online conversation. All said yes then could not get anyone to confirm anything.

Is this common? or is it just me. I've spend this evening crying because I feel so shit. I need to find a babysitter but I am wary.

[justmyview]

Sounds like your confidence has taken a dent. I'd suggest you concentrate on building your confidence / self esteem a bit before you try to build up friendships. Maybe start off by getting some exercise, to get the endorphins

[Rachie80]

Thanks for the reply, I have no confidence, I am in a rut. I joined the gym 6m ago and have lost a stone :) Kinda hoped to maybe meet people too.

[justmyview]

People get very anxious about school run, but it could be a good chance to at least make some nodding acquaintances. It can take a long time to build proper friendships, so take one step at a time.

Voluntary work can be a good way to build your self esteem

Well done with the gym. Stick with that.

[WhoNickedMyName]

Well I guess on the plus side if you're in London there's loads going on? Any groups you could join with your children? An evening class? If your husband could commit to being home for childcare one evening a week that could be a good start.

[Fabulousfreaks]

whereabouts in london are you?

[WhoNickedMyName]

Meant to add, I joined a gym for the same reason but have found that everyone is plugged into their iPods and not interested in anything other than working out - although I've found some of the classes are ok for a chat before and after, I just can't get to them regularly enough to really form any friendships.

[Rachie80]

I would like to do voluntary work but I have no childcare. The gym has a great creche, but I need to look at other things too.

[Rachie80]

Im Ealing way, the classes are good but I go in the day and the average age is 50. He can't do any evenings he works in the restaurant trade. I'm just looking at sitters.

[missmatched]

Joining a club with your children is a good idea as suggested above,maybe a support group would be good for your son aswell.

I live in a new area and it didnt bother me that I dont have friends in this area because I had my work and I had friends there and it didnt bother me traveling to see my friends but then I was made redundant in feb and have been abit lonely since.

Today I took my four month old to baby massage lm hopeing to make friends there.It is hard though.Im secrectly shy,when I say this outload in RL everyone laughs.

[myfirstkitchen]

sorry you feel like this. really horrible place to be. don't force it but you will meet people. have you tried any autism support groups in ealing? there are some, a quick google search found some? the other mums in these groups would understand what your child is like and it could be the start of some great friendships for both of you. good luck.

[Rachie80]

I have found a few classes and toddler groups. Not a fan of toddler groups, I used to go to a lovely toddler group but it shut down in feb this year. Thanks myfirstkitchen I didn't think about autism support groups I spoke to a lovely Lady at a support group in Ealing and Harrow that run coffee mornings. I am going to go after half term.

[GreenPetal94]

For you, I would try and make friends outside of the school run. Those relationships tend to be temporary.

Re babysitting, can you really put a price on it? For me it has been essential to pay babysitters to stay sane and I have had a stream through the local University Employment Service.

How about joining a book group or going to an evening class?

[longjane]

please don't be ageist with making friends dont worry if a the gym they over 50 you might even find a baby sitter there .

does you special son go to special clubs

[SmoothOperandus]

I am sorry you feel this way . London can be a very lonely place particularly for SAHMs. Keep up with the gym, don't dismiss the over 50's, keep smiling at the school mums even if you feel there's no point, stay focused on improving one thing at a time - something that you have control over (i.e. not other people's behaviour) and don't forget, everybody's fighting their own battles, in one way or another. Join an adult class and then just give it time and don't despair. There's a lot of people in the same situation.

[PinkFairyDust]

If you wanted to find a realiable babysitter you could always contact the norland agency as there are plenty of Norland nanny's working and living in London, just an idea may help put your mind more at ease?
I have looked after a child with autism and know its hard as a nanny, let alone a Mum. Here if you just want a chat so you don't feel so alone
Have a un mumsnetty hug xxx

[Idocrazythings]

What about giving the class rep. a hand with stuff and then suggesting organising a coffee morning, at school after drop off- maybe to raise funds for PTA?- you might click with someone, or find that more of the mums are up for catch ups than you realise. I agree London is tough to crack though- I feel my "Aussieness" is not always appreciated or understood!

[Isandri]

Maybe you should go on meetup and see if there are any groups doing something you would enjoy? They'll be loads in London.

[AlphabetiSpaghetti]

Come to the London meet up on 1st December! There's a fb group you can join. I'm going! First time. It's a big step for me but I'm proud I've signed up. Come meet people with me!!

[Rachie80]

Thank you for all the kind words, I have found several local babysitting companies, I would like to do a course. Have lots of things to google. I do help with the PTA and help with office bits for them. Didn't know about the meet ups will have a look.

[TheLightPassenger]

you might find it helpful to post on the SN boards here as well to chat with and possibly chat/meet offsite with MNetters in a similar position.

[3LittleHens]

I think a lot of people feel how you do. I moved from the south east to a very rural county and felt extremely isolated and lonely for a long time, but luckly through toddler groups and now school, have met some really nice women I am proud to call my friends.
Don't forget there are loads of people in the same boat - you just need to find them - and you will x