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AIBU to expect friend to bring food to bonfire night? Long, trying not to drip feed!

(18 Posts)
Naysa Tue 23-Oct-12 12:42:47

Posting on behalf of my mum. I know she is not BU but she wants an idea of where she stands so she knows how to go about dealing with this.

My dad has a friend (A) that he has known for most of his life and when A married his wife (B) and my parents got together they all became friends and have been for many years.

For the past 11 years we've had a very small gathering for Bonfire night. This includes my auntie, her two children and A+B and their 3 children, now only the two youngest as the oldest goes out with her friends instead, and our family of four. Also any neighbors that want to watch as we have the fireworks in the cul-de-sac.

For as long as I can remember my parents go to A+B's house for New Year's eve. It is usually just A+B their two youngest children, my parents and for the past 5 years only my sister because I go to friends' houses, occasionally they have a friend over who doesn't have a partner or kids but sometimes he goes to other people's houses.

Every year, for Bonfire night, my mum cooks burgers, sausages, hot dogs, pizzas and other "party foods" as A+B are notorious for bringing hungry kids to our house and then telling the kids to ask my mum for food, so my mum just presumes they will be hungry and now it is a sort of tradition to have some food and drinks after watching the fireworks. My mum has never asked for contribution but my auntie still brings down pop and cakes and little bits. Sometimes A+B will bring a small box of fireworks but they are not expected to.

For the past four years B has text my mum with a list of things that she will need to bring to their house to contribute to New Year's Eve. This has included a home made desert my mum makes (fair enough, she doesn't mind, it's cheap and every one loves it), cheese, pickled onions, pizzas, buns for burgers, pop, juice cordial and various other things. My mum is also told(!) to tell my dad to bring fireworks and sparklers.

Last year my mum was quite upset as the cheese that she brought to their house, was put in the fridge and a cheaper cheese was put out, same with the juice cordial. That was put in the cupboard and not offered to anyone.

Would it be unreasonable for my mum to send A+B a text of things they would need to bring knowing full well they won't bring it or turn up to their house at New Year empty handed knowing full well she'd get a snotty text a few days later ?

BarredfromhavingStella Tue 23-Oct-12 12:47:46

Sound like a pair of proper cheeky twats, text the list of requirements & tell them to make sure they don't forget the fireworks.

Paiviaso Tue 23-Oct-12 12:49:45

These people sound so cheap! Yeesh. Definitely text them a list!

FutTheShuckUp Tue 23-Oct-12 12:53:15

My pet hate is people hosting a party but expecting people to bring their own food. If people can't afford to host a party don't- dont make yourself look a cheap arse over it all

MsVestibule Tue 23-Oct-12 12:53:30

The cheek of some people! Yes, your mum should definitely text them a list of things to bring. If they don't, she shouldn't take anything to their NY party <childish>.

PurpleCrazyHorse Tue 23-Oct-12 13:09:31

I'd just not invite them to the bonfire party saying it's getting expensive with all the food and they're downscaling the invites & see if they offer to bring something. I think that sending a list is only going to escalate a tit for tat party list between the two events.

Your mum should only bring items to their party that she's happy to go in the cupboard. Or should simply open them and add them to the party table! Sad, but it seems like they have different values, you can only change how you behave/react, I don't think you'll change them.

If they don't arrive with anything, I'd simply stop inviting them to things with their children & your parents should socialise with them at other events or just invite the parents out.

SusanneLinder Tue 23-Oct-12 13:14:12

I agree with Purplecrazyhorse, but they are a right cheeky pair. If the cheese I had brought had been put in the fridge, I would have asked for it . I did this once out loud cos I have a tightwad friend grin.

sooperdooper Tue 23-Oct-12 13:20:09

I agree with Susanne, I'd have taken the cheese & cordial out and said I was looking forward to it!!

Cheeky pair, definitely they need to contribute for the bonfire party

whois Tue 23-Oct-12 13:29:14

Your mum is not BU.

I wouldn't normally send out a list, but seeing as they have already set the precedent...!

BuntyPenfold Tue 23-Oct-12 13:32:20

Does your mum have the text from them? If so, simply send the same text in return. Or repeat it word-for-word as far as possible.
Then do as they do, if they bring their share, she will do the same at New Year.

JoshLyman Tue 23-Oct-12 13:43:52

Send them a list and see what they do.

ChestyNutterStaringInTheWindow Tue 23-Oct-12 13:46:50

Would text saying money is tight and they were thinking of cancelling or did B think it would be ok to ask guests to bring some food?

Rugbycomet Tue 23-Oct-12 14:20:57

DEFO...I would not hesitate at all to ask for a contribution

mudipig Tue 23-Oct-12 14:24:51

TBH I don't think I'd invite them again. They sound really petty and mean.

Campari Tue 23-Oct-12 14:40:24

Well seeing as they have been so rude hiding your parent's food away in their cupboards, I would absolutely think nothing of telling them to contribute.

They should be told that catering for everyone is getting expensive and you think it is only fair as you do the same for their NY parties. If they don't like it then they are being cheap pigs who don't deserve to be invited!!

eurowitch Tue 23-Oct-12 14:40:53

I don't think you should ask guests to bring food. I just wouldn't invite this rude pair any more tbh.

zlist Tue 23-Oct-12 14:47:42

I wouldn't ask for a contribution but I would either stopping inviting them or make it clear that as you [your mum] cater bonfire night you won't contribute to new years eve. I guess it depends on how much this couple are liked beyond there mean behaviour - maybe they just don't see it/the bigger picture ( could name a few people I know like this!)? The would have to have some seriously good other qualities for me to want to continue socialising with them though!

zlist Tue 23-Oct-12 14:48:25

(yes, I do know that is should have been their - oh for an edit button!)

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