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AIBU or is exP?

(9 Posts)
neuroticmumof3 Sat 20-Oct-12 18:01:38

Ex P is on Incapacity Benefit and gives me £5 per week for DD. We are not on the breadline, I work PT but we do not have much spare money and little treats like trips to cinema are few and far between.

I have been aware for some months that Ex P is working on the side, collecting scrap and selling it. I have tried to convince him to go legit and come off benefits but it's like talking to a brick wall. I have considered informing DWP of his activities but haven't come to a decision about that yet.

Several times I have asked him for additional money for DD but none has been forthcoming. I thought he was only making a few quid here and there but just now he showed me a car on ebay he wants to buy and told me he'd nearly saved enough money for it. It cost £1k!!!!

He genuinely thinks I'm AIBU for asking him for money! I think he's AIBU because I think a decent dad would WANT to provide/contribute towards their child's maintenance.

Now I've written this I really want to inform DWP of his fraud. Only thing that stops me is that given he has quite an extensive criminal history (altho not for fraud) he may get a custodial sentence. Whilst I'm not saying he wouldn't deserve it I'm a bit conflicted as to what's in DD's best interests. Also I need to do a bit of snooping and get the details of the van he drives around in collecting scrap.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sat 20-Oct-12 18:06:27

I would shop him, but I'm a bitch like that

You won't miss that measly fiver, and he is a criminal

Hardly a great model for a young girl

Who cares if he goes to prison ?

OnlyWantsOne Sat 20-Oct-12 18:09:31

What's in your DDs best interest is to grow up knowing what is right and wrong.

And also having clothes & food.

Report him.

neuroticmumof3 Sat 20-Oct-12 18:16:25

Think you're right. I want him to go legit so she's got a father who works and contributes, both to her and society. Someone she can be proud of. I don't think that's going to happen is it? DD is the delightful result of a ONS I had during a (then undiagnosed) bipolar episode - hypersexuality being a symptom of mania for me. He's crap tbh but I keep thinking he'll change for DD. I'm going to go on a mission next week to find his number plate details.

neuroticmumof3 Sat 20-Oct-12 19:17:59

I've done it! Filled out the online benefit fraud form and clicked on 'send' before I could change my mind. I wonder if they really do follow up on all these reports of fraud?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sat 20-Oct-12 19:19:45

Time will tell. But well done. You have done what you can.

RobynRidingHood Sat 20-Oct-12 19:32:57

Of course if he is claiming benefits, found to be fraudulent, convicted, he'll have his benefitss stopped and have to pay it back.

Hassled Sat 20-Oct-12 19:34:33

Will he realise it's come from you?

neuroticmumof3 Sat 20-Oct-12 21:15:00

I'll just deny it if he accuses me. He's recently fallen out with a friend of his so may think it's them. I thought he was making maybe £20 per wk but if he's saved £1k in about 3 months then I estimate he's made at least double that, which means he's probably making at least £150 per week. If he were legit and paying 15% in child support that would give DD £20 per week. Not a fortune but it would make a difference to her lifestyle and provide outings/treats etc. I just can't understand how he doesn't want to improve her lifestyle. I take a lot of pride in providing financially for my DC. His attitude infuriates me!

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