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To be extremely vexed

(16 Posts)
FutTheShuckUp Wed 17-Oct-12 22:42:59

To have a DH who seems to spend his whole life pleasing people other than us his own family. He's still out after taking a friends family to visit him in hospital (a sixty mile round trip) which is a lovely gesture yet we are very stretched financially at the moment and now he's off to borrow money from his mother as he's spent it all on petrol!!!
When our DD was discharged at 9pm at night from hospital 12 miles away I asked if he could pick us up yet he went 'I don't know how to get there' hmm anyone else married to a 'anyone but us' pleaser?

AgentZigzag Wed 17-Oct-12 22:47:34

Did he pick you and your DD up in the end?

You'd just google where it is surely?

FutTheShuckUp Wed 17-Oct-12 22:52:03

I asked my Dad in the end it was easier.
Funnily enough he googled where this particular hospital was as he'd never been before....

AgentZigzag Wed 17-Oct-12 23:06:03

Not very fair on your Dad.

Is it anything to do with what kind of light it puts him in with other people? Seems like he's trying to look good/get other people to think highly of him/talk about what a great person he is, at your expense (as it's interfering with your life when he does).

It doesn't necessarily have to be anything sinister, just low self esteem etc.

FutTheShuckUp Wed 17-Oct-12 23:10:06

I think it probably is.
A friend of a friend knows someone with some household problem and he's straight round there fixing it. Our shed roof has been leaking for about four years and the stock excuse is 'when I've next got a day off work..'

CaliforniaLeaving Wed 17-Oct-12 23:15:25

Thats not on. He has to treat you at least as well as he's treating strangers, he's supposed to love you and the kids.

WorraLiberty Wed 17-Oct-12 23:20:15

I find that so strange.

My DH is all for me and the kids, we come first and always have.

But my brother is a bit like your DH...he'll run and help anyone at the drop of a hat, however he's single and doesn't have any kids so he doesn't let anyone down in the process.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Wed 17-Oct-12 23:41:09

he should be putting you and family first, not dropping you in it to look good.

Loveweekends10 Thu 18-Oct-12 06:00:48

My DH used to do that with his sisters. They would snap their fingers and he would go over and fix stuff meanwhile things would remain unfixed in our house.
Anyway I put a stop to it. I pointed out that my DH was juggling full time work as a teacher with having a young family whilst they were working part time or not at all with no family. I also bought them DIY books for Christmas.
The trouble was he is a nice guy that could never say no.
He definitely would have collected me from hospital though.

FutTheShuckUp Thu 18-Oct-12 08:13:44

We had words about this last night. He laid the guil trip on me (oh hes got cancer- you help out wherever you can) I said this is fine and a nice gesture but how come he couldnt pick us up and I needed to rely on my Dad?
He's just rang from work and he just doesnt get it. Apparently is complicated to get to the hospital we were at whereas the one his friend is at is off the motorway so easy. He couldnt use his iphone to find a map though could he? Which incidentally he did to get to his friends hospital....

diddl Thu 18-Oct-12 09:16:08

It´s not about which hospital is easiest to get to-it´s about who is more important-daughter or friend.

And leaving you short of money is disgusting!

Who are the family & why can´t they get there any other way?

Willabywallaby Thu 18-Oct-12 09:20:43

Yes my DH will bend over backwards for others, even if it inconveniences us.

When I had an unplanned home birth he asked the midwife when she arrived if she wanted a cup of tea, I had to ask!

We have to feel lucky they are so kind, but need nudging on priorities!

FutTheShuckUp Thu 18-Oct-12 09:24:08

They are friends of ours and are nice enough but they are the type who choose not to drive and getting places is everyone elses problem if you see my point. I dont begrudge helping them as they are sweet people and have helped us in other ways in the past but im more annoyed the way DH dropped everything last night when he was rang and asked with no notice whatsoever yet he made such a 'ermm i dont know the way' palarver when DD was discharged

ihearsounds Thu 18-Oct-12 09:30:38

Hang on, so when his own DD was in hospital he couldn't even be arsed going to visit? This is what I am reading from his pathetic excuse of not being able to find the hospital when she was discharged.

StuntNun Thu 18-Oct-12 09:36:56

My DH is the same: when his parents need something he's over there like a shot, when I need something I can wait up to several years. For example my last car developed a small patch of rust inside the boot. I was going to get the mechanic to touch it up but my DH said he could do that and not to pay someone else to do it. So I bought the touchup paint and we already had sandpaper to remove the rust. Needless to say, six months later the rust had spread to the outside so it was more visible. I sold the car to my MIL who planned to drive it for a while (as she was between cars) then give it to her daughter as a wedding present. My DH immediately fixed the rust because his mum was going to be driving it.

And don't even get me started on the stepping stones I've been waiting for three years for so I can get into the car without getting my feet wet in the grass.

TBH I think some people just can't prioritise.

FutTheShuckUp Thu 18-Oct-12 10:11:52

Ihearsounds- DD had been ill for a couple of weeks with a chest infection. I popped her into the hospital where I work for a checkover as we had been in the city shopping (went on the train) they kept us for observation for 7 hours as DD had a wheeze. They wanted to keep her in overnight but as I work there they said she could go home but needed her inhalers regularly through the night and as I know what to do she would be fine. We were discharged at 9pm in the evening.

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