to ask: has anyone found it hard when their children start reception?

[Amykins]

In particular, if you don't come from the small (minded) town where you now live, seem 20 years older than the other mothers etc etc

[ellargh]

I'm not older than the other mothers and live in the same city I was raised in but I still found it difficult.

[Amykins]

Thanks. I'm not glad you found it difficult, but glad it's not just me.

[GrimAndHumourless]

What things are you finding hard?

[cheekydevil]

It gets easier when you start going to the 30 odd birthday parties that are coming up.
Everyone feels like you, it just takes the brave ones to start a convo.

[TimothyTumblespring]

Hard in what sense?

In the leaving them all day? Or in that you find it hard with all the other mothers at the gate?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Hard in what way?? Do you mean hard to let go sort of thing.

I am ashamed to say when I dropped DS off when he started school I skipped all the way back to the car! I hasten to add not because I couldnt wait to get rid of him, it just made things easier re going to work.

it's early days yet, once you are in the swing of things you will be fine. Time to get new hobbies and rediscover some me time. :)

[Amykins]

Just worried about my daughter and how she is settling in; would like to invite another little girl over, but just finding it hard to actually do it. Silly things.

[Amykins]

Timothy - yes, find the other mothers in the playground hard.

[Almostfifty]

School gate cliques do you mean? You'll soon find someone the same as you, honestly.

Just keep smiling and saying hi to everyone.

[TimothyTumblespring]

I think it's really important to give these things time, plenty of time. I don't talk to any of the parents in my sons reception class yet. But I don't know them yet. I had literally never seen most of them before in my life until six weeks ago.
However, I am going to see them almost every day, probably for the next seven years so I am sure that by the time primary school is over I might be friends with one or two of them, and at least know the names of the rest and hopefully not offended any of them too deeply!
As someone else has already said, just keep smiling and saying hello.

[eatyouwithaspoon]

just give them a smile and say hello gradually you will build up friendships. Why do you need to be friends with them? I personally find it weird I am weird that people want to make friends with other parents at the school gates (disclaimer I am a miserable bitch )

[SelfRighteousPrissyPants]

I'm an old incomer too! Having the odd wobble but my DS was at the nursery so I do know some other Mums, they don't seem as friendly with me though. I have days when I don't care and days when I do!

[CreamOfTomatoSoup]

Maybe they're just as shy as you!

[charlottehere]

I was in the same situation as you when DD started reception, small town, not from there, although I was probably younger tham most of the mothers. I found it really hard, though it would be better when DD2 started 3 years later, nope.

We moved out of the area last year for unrelated reasons and the bonus is they now go to a great school where the playground is so friendly.

[TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic]

You don't have to be best friends with the mum to invite a little girl over to play with yours though, does your daughter have a friend she talks about? If so just invite her :) I'm absolutely totally an incomer - we moved to a tiny village in rural Germany, another mum told me she knows how I feel not being from the area - she was born and grew up 15 miles away and married into a farming family who have been in the village since time immemorial :o My daughter has always been sociable though and I invited the girls she made friends with back when she started Kindergarten at age 3, and they reciprocated - 4 years later she's still friends with the same little girls, as well as plenty more. Just go for it, somebody has to make the first move, and inviting a child over to play with mother in tow (the first few times anyway) is easier than inviting a mother over for coffee because you are not saying "be my friend" you are saying "our girls play together and seem to be making friends, mine would like to invite yours over" :)

[ginhag]

I definitely find it hard. I have a chronic pain condition, and on the days I'm really rough I struggle to behave like a normal friendly person. And the meds I have to take make me groggy, dry mouthed and slow in the morning.

I spend most of my time fretting that I come across as some sort of junkie weirdo, but I do my best to keep smiling at people and chatting when I can. It would be so much easier if everyone knew I was ill, but at the same time you hardly want to bring that up immediately as you look like a right whinger!

Anyway, after a few weeks of it I have realised that most people are just trying to manage their own day/kids, and that although there are a lot that know each other there are also lots that feel a bit crap and lost.

I think it will get easier. Just try not to jump to conclusions about who you 'can' and 'can't' talk to. Some of the people I quite obviously have very little in common with have been really nice and friendly...it doesn't matter that we will probably not become bosom buddies, it's just nice to see a friendly face!

[BloodRedAlienReflux]

yes, it's hard, but like everyone says, keep smiling, and look out for the others standing on the side lines!! When mine started at nursery there was a massive clique of 4x4 driving, label wearing glam mums, (I am none of the above!!) I thought my life was over, til i made friends with the other outsiders!!! #we now have quite a big group up at the primary school, and am so grateful i didn't try to fit in with the ones i so obviously had nothing in common with. #Good luck

[Vagndidit]

Loving the re-discovery of the "me time" aspect of DS starting reception, but not loving the school gate politics. DS's school seems to be overrun by distinct cliques of of glammy 4x4 drivers, non-English speaking ethnic groups, or the "Oh, didn't I go to school with your brother?" groups that have never left Norfolk

However, when DS went to school nursery last year (at another school) I spent the first 2/3rds of the year feeling the same. By the last term, I had made some nice friends. It'll just take time, I suppose.

[Tailtwister]

YANBU! DS1's preschool is like an episode of 'Footballer's Wives' in the morning. I've nearly been run over by a 4x4 twice so far. I swear some of them have to parachute out they are so high up!

In any case, you notice these people because they are so obvious. There are loads of normal people too, it just takes a while to see them because they're all busy trying not to get run over.

[Amykins]

Thank you all. I will keep smiling (hopefully not gurning). Motherhood is more difficult than I thought: wonderful and bittersweet.

Ginhag, thank you for your post and I hope that your condition will improve.