to not attend ante-natal classes or listen to anyone else regarding my PFB?(55 Posts)
(A few things I don't think I'm BU about actually, but being PG isn't something I'm particularly familiar with!)
Saw the MW for my 16 week appointment today and she asked (again) if I'd like to attending Ante-natal classes. I don't. IMO it will give me some false expectation and/or fear about the entire labour situation that I could just do without. Also I'm quite the introvert and the thought of having to sit in a room pretending to breath with a bunch of strangers makes me cringe. I'm just planning on reading up about it closer to the time and trusting the medical professionals judgement. I'm a MH nurse myself so it's not like I'm entirely ignorant as to how the body works.
I also want to co-sleep. Yeah I'm probably going to get DP to knock up a co-sleeping cot in order to do so, but that is the plan and I honestly have not even considered any other sleeping arrangement. Nor will I.
Anyways, parents, colleagues, friends etc ask about these things. I tell them my plans. 95% of them recoil in horror and tell me I'm being stupid, things will go wrong in my labour, my baby will suffocate and so on.
I didn't listen to them at first but I'm beginning to doubt myself. AIBU just to expect everything to just...work out?
Sorry, I know this is highly trivial and self indulgent
YANBU at all. It's totally up to you how you want to approach this parenting lark, and as long as you're clued up about the basics, then everything else is just icing. I found antenatal classes boring and pointless, I wish I hadn't bothered.
One word of advice though, don't bother telling anyone what you're going to do unless you're open to criticism. As a pregnant lady/mother you are considered public property and so the only way to avoid the unwanted input is to just not talk about it.
I went along purely to see the labour suite and the maternity ward, just to familiarise myself with them.
I learned nothing from the talks, felt patronised by a lot of it, hated the other people there, and had DD early and thereby thankfully missed the last two sessions.
DH didn't attend - neither of us saw the point.
There won't be any pretending to breathe. You sit around, and the midwife gives you information. Some of it is available to anyone who is prepared to pick up a book. Some of the information will relate to delivery at the local hospital/home-birthing locally.
And you husband should not build the cot. Buy one, which has had its design health and safety checked. There are regulations for cots, and they save lives.
"I honestly have not even considered any other sleeping arrangement. Nor will I. " <--- this is why DS1 spent the first night of his home life in a drawer because I'd refused all offers of moses baskets Co-sleeping just wasn't us, we discovered at 4.30am.
YANBU, but it wouldn't be the worst thing to have a couple of back-up plans up your sleeve
antenatal classes are not the huffey puffy classes unless shes actually saying they are. its a info resourse usually involving a visit to the labour ward very basic babycare advice and health and labour info and options.
next time you talk about sleeping arangements try saying bedside cot, people dont get anywhere near as excited about that
Ante natal classes are nothing to do with how to breathe. As poster above says, information on different choices, what your options are, what you can request and expect from the hospital and post natal care.
I'm just startled at the paradox of you not wanting peoples advice whilst at the same time asking for advice. [head explodes]
Seriously, you can do what you like. If you tell people your plans, expect their two-penn'orth. - Stop reading now if you dont want mine!
IMO not doing the classes would be like doing a marathon without doing any training, not impossible but more difficult. DW and I are expecting our first and we are doing NCT classes, not because we think all the breathing skills will be amazing, but will put us in touch with a group of people having babies at the same time as us. Just saying.
Euphemia Me too!! In fact the day my CS was scheduled I called my husband and said 'oh thank god, now we can skip the rest of that stupid class!'
Well, yes, do have something alternative ready, just in case. I used to co-sleep a bit with DS, but holy christ he's a wiggly sleeper, and I just didn't sleep at all with him sticking his bloody talons into my face all night. There's no point in being stubborn about something when you don't know how it's going to go. Co-sleeping is great, but it doesn't work for everyone.
I didn't go to any - ds was born too early!
I am on my 3rd pregnancy and have only ever been to 1 class <shudders> never again!! YANBU at all, but like someone said up thread a being preggo for some reason makes you public property, everyone thinks they can comment on your choices, just don't tell them!
YANBU, I didn't go to any classes before or after my 3 were born.
Other people will always offer their opinion, but if you are happy then don't go! I'd didn't go either and have never regretted it! Do what makes you happy! Good luck with baby!
I didn't go to NCT classes. Overly expensive, and it said you had to start them at 30 weeks plus in the leaflet. I suspected that meant I'd have delivered before I finished the course, and I was right.
I just went to two NHS sessions at 26 weeks or so.
Oh gosh sorry, that should have said DP's (as in parents!). My dad is a very skilled carpenter and has made lovely wooden cots for years.
You might want to speak to your midwife about what actually goes on in those classes, I'm pretty introverted myself, definitely not a joiner, though much better now than I was back then and I found them helpful.
I wasn't offered any for DS2 but for DS1 there was no fancy breathing that I remember, it was nothing like the movies. It was basically a group of expectant mums sat in a circle with the midwife leading some really useful discussions about what to expect in labour, looking after your newborn that kind of thing along with demonstrations of bathing a baby etc. Of course that was 18 years ago, they might have changed since then.
Of course if you're happy that you'll be able to cope without then that is your decision.
I didn't find any use in my ante natal classes other than identifying a midwife who I would not let within a mile of me during labour
I had a couple of good books which I read when I felt ready, made my own decisions, left my labour plan blank - going with the flow was the best option for me so I wouldn't get upset when things didn't go to plan, which, as far as I can see, things never do! Do what's right for you, follow your instinct and you'll be fine - same with the co-sleeping etc.
It's up to you what you do.
I would go to them though. It's not about people 'commenting on your choices' as has been said above, it's about letting you know what your choices are and giving you all the information you need to make informed decisions regarding your pregnancy and child birth.
A lot of people benefit from them, thats why they're offered. Obviously you aren't one of these people though so it's just a simple matter of not going then isn't it
When I went we didnt do breathing or anything like that, it was more to forge new friendships so to speak.
Some of my best friends have been ladies I met through pre/post natal so for that reason alone I am glad I went. None of my friends had babies of their own at that particular time and I found the whole new baby thing quite lonely at the beginning.
I didnt go to mine either and felt it patronising. In the end it didnt matter I was too busy trying to get the little squatter out.
Talking about this will only make you more annoyed! Just don't tell anybody anything. Say, "let me ask you a question, I know you would have something to say about this... May I hear your thoughts on how family functions?"
Worked for me.
Yanbu if you don't want to go to classes but going wasvthe best decision I made.
Didn't get told anything I hadn't read in a book.
Got to ask a few stupid questions....and believe me everyone has questions!
Didnt do any breathing...more about when you should go into hospital, options eg hospital vs maternity unit
However we all swapped emails and arranged a meet up the next week for coffee. Been meeting every week since for nearly a year and we all agree it has made maternity leave fun and kept us sane!
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