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I know I AM BU...

(13 Posts)
pinkoyster Thu 11-Oct-12 19:40:32

Name-changed for this as a regular.

I feel really down. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with a 2 year-old who takes up every working minute of my day. He's gorgeous, delightful but very needy for my time and attention (which I guess most 2 year olds are). My Mum, who is very helpful with my DS, is away on holiday for the next 2 months. My MIL is not really a 'baby person' (her words), so though I have a fairly ok relationship with her, she never offers to take DS (even for an hour) to give me some respite.

I have recently had a health scare, and am awaiting results for a biopsy which may mean I may have cancer. I am devastated beyond belief. I went in today for blood results and they said I have to wait for a phone call to see whether I have it or not. I feel so hurt that my Mum would leave me when I need her most (she knows of the potential cancer) and go on holiday (not even for a few weeks, but TWO MONTHS). I know this is incredibly selfish of me, but I need her so much. We are very usually very close, but it seems all the times when I desperately need her advice (and love!), she is away. I have a miscarriage a few years back, and she left on holiday 2 days after. Last year I had terrible PND after the birth of my son but again she was away for 3 months. She's worked hard her entire life, and retired recently so I feel like such a shit to begrudge her the happiness she feels when she is travelling.

But at the same time, I have no one else to turn to. DH is lovely, but he can't face the seriousness of my condition, and is throwing himself into work. My heart is breaking for my little boy, and our baby on the way and the only person I need and want is my Mum. I can't tell her all this on the phone as I don't want to spoil her holiday.

Just so sad sad sad

catgirl1976 Thu 11-Oct-12 19:44:24

Ahh I'm so sorry. No wonder you are sad. I really hope your results are good news. I don't know what to say. I don't think you are being selfish, I think how you feel is totally understandable

Have a big hug from me

phantomnamechanger Thu 11-Oct-12 19:48:19

hugs to you OP - do you have a good friend who will be there for you, come what may, and who might have your toddler for a few hours to give you a rest?

I hope your results are good.

pinkoyster Thu 11-Oct-12 19:48:57

Thank you so much cat.

I was determined not to feel sorry for myself...

DH isn't home yet, and have spent the last bawling my eyes out.

pinkoyster Thu 11-Oct-12 19:50:53

Phantom, I don't. My close friends are all abroad..

My Mum's my closest friend. She knows this, yet still left. She knew my bloods were today, and she still hasn't called.

catgirl1976 Thu 11-Oct-12 19:52:42

A good bawl is good for you from time to time.

When your DH gets home can you say to him "DH, I am frightened and I know you are too but I need you"?

CaliforniaLeaving Thu 11-Oct-12 21:14:42

Awww a very un-MN (((hug))) to you.
Sending {{good vibes}} for a good outcome for you.

Journey Thu 11-Oct-12 21:26:08

Yanbu. You need your mum for support and to give you a bit of time to yourself to get your head round things. Wishing you all the very best and fingers crossed you get good news.

KenLeeeeeee Thu 11-Oct-12 21:35:15

YANBU at all. You must be so scared sad Is it possible that she just doesn't know how to cope with you going through so much bad stuff, and where your husband is throwing himself into work, this is her method of running away from it?

Sending you lots of vibes for a good outcome from the tests, and a un-MNy (((hug)))

GhostofMammaTJ Thu 11-Oct-12 22:16:47

I think you have every right to be sad, then move on with life without them.

eatingrottenapples Thu 11-Oct-12 22:23:01

This must be so hard for you and you are not being unreasonable at all. I know you said you had no close friends near by but if you let us know where you are there will be loads of mnetters who will support you. Much love and good luck zzz

eatingrottenapples Thu 11-Oct-12 22:23:52

I meant xxx not zzz. That would just be rude x

Ummofumbridge Thu 11-Oct-12 22:26:20

Yanbu. It must be a very scary time for you and it's so hard to cope with dc without help now and again.
From what you've said about your dm it sounds like maybe she's burying her head in the sand a little? She's probably thinking it'll all be fine and can't contemplate any other outcome.
My mum is my bf too and she would probably do the same buggered off for a month when I was heavily pg and could hardly walk

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