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Am I expecting too much of dd age nearly ten?

(20 Posts)
Whistlingwaves Fri 05-Oct-12 16:40:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldGreyWiffleTest Fri 05-Oct-12 16:42:38

She gets the £6 when she has tidied up.

Don't ASK her to help you FFS - tell her to just do it.

YANBU - she is well old enough to tidy up after herself. No, I dont think I would be inclined to give her £6 for the disco..........but I prob would!!

What does she say when you ask her to help?

shewhowines Fri 05-Oct-12 16:42:54

This is why so many people make pocket money conditional on chores/tidying bedroom/other niggling things.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Fri 05-Oct-12 16:44:26

YABU to not give her the money for the disco unless you have previously warned her that would be the punishment for not tidying up.

So if you go to her now and say 'you've got 30 mins to tidy up your stuff/clean up the mess you've made or you're not going to the disco', then it would be fair to not give her the money/let her go.

She needs to learn to tidy up after herself. You need to stop doing it for her and accepting behaviour where she just ignores what you ask her to do.

AdoraBell Fri 05-Oct-12 16:44:34

No, not mean at all. Mine are 11 and their pocket money depends on them doing a few things like laying the table and keeping their space tidy. She's old enough to start keeping her things in order, but don't expect it happen over night, because it won't.

Tommy Fri 05-Oct-12 16:45:12

putting away her own stuff is not "helping" you... She should just do that anyway. I have similar with my DSs (9 and 10) - constant reminding and not giving the reward until they do it seems to be getting there!

ChasingSquirrels Fri 05-Oct-12 16:47:12

my ds has just turned 10 (and ds2 is 6 & 1/2).

Both of them know that their shoes go in the shoe basket and their coats get hung up in the cupboard when they come in - they might not always do it, but if they haven't I call to them to do so and they do.

Their bags come into the kitchen and get left there, if I ask them to help sort their lunch bags they do.

Dirty clothes go in the washing basket on the landing - again they mostly do it, and if they haven't and I tell them then they do it.

Snack - they aren't very good at clearing up, or putting things (butter, spread, cereal boxes etc) away or throwing away empty containers. They do put milk back in the fridge.

I personally don't think they do enough, but then as I have a cleaner neither do I! They have to help do a big tidy up on Tue evening so it is tidy when the cleaner comes on Wed. If I didn't have a cleaner I would be expecting 10yo to help with vacuuming, dusting etc.

I hink expecting her to do it all without being asked maybe unreasonable, but if you are telling / asking her to sort it and she doesn't then it needs addressing.

If she wants to go to the disco tonight I think it is reasonable to tell her she needs to sort out her mess first.

perceptionreality Fri 05-Oct-12 16:51:27

YANBU - 10 is old enough to help tidy up.

Whistlingwaves Fri 05-Oct-12 16:56:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My three year old tidies her room. Its not perfect by any means, and some days she has a tantrum over it, but its the principle of the thing.

By ten I hope she will atleast put her bags away after school and help with some of the chores.

YANBU my 5 and 7 yo sort out their own stuff from school and wouldn't dream of leaving their clothes lying around. You need to get tougher and she definitely does not deserve money for the school disco!

Whistlingwaves Fri 05-Oct-12 17:04:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos Fri 05-Oct-12 17:05:56

My dd1 has just turned 10 and she tidies her room herself, including hoovering it, she puts her dirty laundry in the bin in her room and brings down stuff for wash when she needs it.

The other dc aren't far behind her, even my 4 year old brings his clothes to the laundry baskets in the kitchen when he gets undressed, he sorts them into the lights basket and the darks basket with 90% accuracy grin

HeadfirstForHalos Fri 05-Oct-12 17:06:45

She also folds and puts away her own dry washing. (We don't iron in this house)

Pippa6774 Fri 05-Oct-12 19:40:58

wanna- they regress! at 3 tidying and cleaning is a novelty which has worn off by 10!

Oh I know. The novelty seems to already be wearing off for her.

Still wont let her away with not doing it though grin

DoMeDon Fri 05-Oct-12 19:48:59

"I threatened to bin everything dumped in my room "

Why? Would you have really binned her school stuff? If you won;t do it, don;t say it. DC then know you don't follow through. It is her responsibility to tidy up and yours to teach her that.

I would also say "you have X amount of time to do the following.... or there will be no disco" and I would stick to that.

Whistlingwaves Fri 05-Oct-12 20:13:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhite Fri 05-Oct-12 20:54:32

Just wait until she's a teenager grin. I could have been firmer when they were smaller

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