Maybe I am?

[Vickiplum79]

My exp raised my eldest DD for 10 years and helped make and raised youngest DD full time for 5 years. We split nearly 5 years ago, since then he has not made any (apart from 3 payments of less than £30) financial help. I haven't gone down the CSA route, only asked for help towards activities and school shoes.

He has now decided to give each of the girls £5 per week pocket money, that's £40 a month. So far they have bought tat and sweets.

Maybe I'm just being mean but can't help but feel annoyed at the money wasted while I pay for all the boring stuff (school trips, dinners, shoes, uniform).

[LadySybildeChocolate]

You should go down the CSA route.

[Vickiplum79]

I haven't as it's not an option, he is a sahd, he has no income!

[CockBollocks]

I think yanbu to be a little annoyed with him, however if he has no income then surely £5 is something & then you wont need to give them pocket money.

Maybe start encouraging them to put half in a money box or if they want to go somewhere they need to use their pocket money.

[PinsAndNoodles]

YANBU, that would irritate me too.

I am in a vaguely similar situation in that my ExP doesn't work. I know he has hardly any money yet he'll buy expensive comics and sweets. I think it's about him wanting to be 'cool dad' who lets DS do anything while I get to be the one who says no (and pays for all the boring stuff).

[Vickiplum79]

Unfortunately younger DD has usually spent it all. Older one does save some but no idea how much.

They have gently suggested if they get that much from Dad they should get a similar amount from me. I am just grumpy today so writing on here not to him.

[WMittens]

So he is the biological father of one of your children? What is Bio No.1 doing about support? I don't know how CSA works, would Bio No.2 be responsible for both?

You say he has no income, but is giving them £40 per month pocket money? Marks for effort, and all that.

They've 'gently suggested' to you? Sounds like they're trying to play you against each other. How about help them budget and save, learn the value of money, and if they do well they can earn a financial incentive in the form of a bit of a top up from you?

[Vickiplum79]

Bio 1 has no contact and never has (his choice), he pays CSA. No Bio 2 has no responsibility for DD1.

I have in the past given him food and electric money to enable contact. His circumstances have improved over time and yes marks for effort.

Like all children with separated parents they try to play the differences and usually I just remind them the rules at Daddy's are just that.They earn money here and I pay for days out together or with friends.

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

I feel for u. I have an x who thankfully pays trough csa (although a pittance) and likes to buy the kids 'cool' stuff that I'd always say no to. Thankfully these days I'm not on my arse financially and i'm the 1 putting £5 a week into a bank account for them for spending money whilst on holidays etc. maybe suggest to him he should open an account for them do it's easier for them to save for big things than spend endless money on tat! (plus if they use it for holidays it's less spending money you have to take)

It's horrible when you feel they get to do all the fun stuff, but that's not what your dcs will appriciate in 20 years time!