To be angry at dp for starting smoking again....

[Lilyloo]

Dp gave up smoking 6 years ago after being a heavy smoker for 15 years. It was d's who managed to persuade him when he was 4 spontaneously telling him he was scared he would die.
It was very difficult for dp to give up and difficult supporting him. I have lost my mum to cancer so this is my over riding fear, including all the other health related issues.
He had been on a stag do when he decided it would be a good idea. However he has been home for 3 weeks now so looks like it is becoming a habit again.
I know I can't tell an adult what to do but I am so upset he is doing this.

[NoobytheWaspSlayer]

I think you need to sit down with him and have a proper talk. Apart from all the health issues fags are SO expensive. Be calm and logical and appeal to all those reasons he gave it up in the first place. Tell him you love him and don't want to see him go through the same things as your Mum did. Tell him you dont want you DS to lose a parent the way you did. Tell him how well he has done for 6 years and what a shame it would be to let all that hard work be wasted.

[Spiritedwolf]

You are right, you can't tell another adult what to do, if its a decision which doesn't affect you and your child. But this is a decision which affects you and ds.

There's two issues. There's the direct impact on you and ds. If he is smoking in the house, you have every right to tell him that you want him to stop. He gets to decide if he smokes or not, he does not get to decide if you and ds suffer from passive smoke. Likewise, he shouldn't be smoking around ds at all in terms of modelling unhealthy behaviour. I realise that DS will probably still realise his DD is smoking though :( but setting some boundaries might help.

The second issue is the effect on the whole family of him smoking. The damage to his own health is a big concern for you and the impact of taking up smoking on your finances isn't insubstantial. What will you all be doing without so that he can burn so much money? Those are the serious issues, but there's also that you might find the smell of smoke unpleasant etc.

I wouldn't immediately go in argumentatively, even though its not unreasonable for you to be angry. Is it possible to talk to him about your concerns and listen to why he has started again? Is he under a lot of strain at the moment? If so, its maybe worth addressing this first so that he doesn't feel he needs a crutch. Or is it just that he daftly tried them again whilst away, has got into the habit and now needs to give up again? Does he want to go back to being a smoker?

Me and DH are both non-smokers, so I don't know the ins and outs of this particular situation and realise it must be different with an ex-smoker, but I'd be furious if my DH took up smoking too. But I also know that I used to have really unhealthy eating habits, and that I sometimes slip back into them which is frustrating, so it must be difficult.

[Lilyloo]

Thanks, you are right I guess I need to address this rather than the cutting comments I have been using.
The money is a very real issue too, we don't have this spare to throw away.
I found out by finding fags in his pocket, he lied initially saying they were someone else's so obviously embarrassed to be found out.
We now have 3 dc and the girls have never known him to smoke. He has never smoked in the house so that's not an issue however the smell of smoke on him is. He isn't going out at home to have a cigarette whilst I am around but is doing it when away from me as I can smell it on him.
He did say he would stop when he had finished the pack I found but I know he is still smoking