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to suggest to DH that he leave an secure job

(38 Posts)
insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:22:14

where the environment is toxic? The wage is average, but obviously, regular. It is a very small company. His boss constantly puts him down, humiliates him publically (jokes about his hight, sniffs the air after he leaves the bathroom), if DH is talking he'll look at someone else and say what??? what's he saying?? If everyone else is having a bit of a natter, and DH joins in, he'll say 'not you! you go back to work' etc.

DH is a bit of a mad professor. An easy target maybe - his shirt is always untucked, his handwriting is awful, he speaks in a bit of a hesitant way, but he is a complete whizz with numbers, he'll write a cheque and can then quote the cheque number back at you days later. He works as a bookkeeper in a property investment firm.

I hate to see his confidence be eroded.

But then again, he has a job. Many people don't.

WorraLiberty Fri 02-Dec-11 15:26:42

I think as an adult, if he's not happy there it's down to him to decide whether or not to find another job.

Laquitar Fri 02-Dec-11 15:28:33

I would be tempted to record his boss and then take him to court for causing stress but i'm not sure you can record someone at workplace.
He sounds horible.

EdithWeston Fri 02-Dec-11 15:29:27

At the end of the day it's totally up to him. But if he wants to move, you can encourage him to start looking for a new (and ideally better) post.

I wouldn't suggest that he just resigns. You would not be eligible for JSA for 6 months following a resignation; so unless you have other income streams it would be a very trying time.

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:32:32

He has now finally decided that he wants to leave,but obviously the security of a regular wage with a dw and 2 dcs means he's very hesitant. I've told him I'll support him whatever his decision is. But, as a woman, I could use my 'wiles' to push him in either direction and I'm wondering which is right.

Ty, Laquitar, he is awful. But he knows he has the upper hand because at the end, he's the one putting food on our table.

DoesNotGiveAFig Fri 02-Dec-11 15:34:20

This sounds more like his boss's bad attempt at banter to me rather than toxicity. Has your DH tried having a word? Explaining that he finds it distressing rather than funny?
My workplace is like this too - there is a lot of banter just like this. It used to upset me before I realised that banter was all it was, nothing more. If one of then sniffed the air after I'd been the toilet, I'd just loudly tell everyone to stay away for a while, or tell everyone it stunk because the boss had let one rip or something.

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:34:30

I didn't know that Edith I thought JSA was immediate. Don't take that 'whiles' post the wrong way, I meant what should I be encouraging him to do? Also, a resignation looks so bad on a CV.

DoesNotGiveAFig Fri 02-Dec-11 15:34:48

"wiles"?! "wiles"?!

DoesNotGiveAFig Fri 02-Dec-11 15:35:02

haha xp

nofrikkincarbs Fri 02-Dec-11 15:36:38

sounds awful for your dp sad

It makes me sad that adults can be bullies in the workplace.

AntiqueAnteater Fri 02-Dec-11 15:36:38

I didn't know that Edith I thought JSA was immediate.

ooh no, and not guaranteed either if you dont tick all the (woe is me) boxes

OldGreyWassailTest Fri 02-Dec-11 15:36:42

Has he tried to crack the GCHQ cyber code - there might be an opening there for him.

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:37:12

DoesNot If it was just the jokes and sniffing, maybe, but that isn't the case. Another person from his team called me today just to warn me that DH had been really badly mistreated today... It is done in public and everyone is too scared to say anything. The boss is an older man (70s).

cat64 Fri 02-Dec-11 15:38:52

Message withdrawn

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:38:53

OldGrey he's been working on it lol! that is exactly the type of person he is.

Fig I knew that would get flamed grin

DoesNotGiveAFig Fri 02-Dec-11 15:39:25

Has your DH tried standing up for himself? If he plans on leaving anyway can't hurt.

DoesNotGiveAFig Fri 02-Dec-11 15:39:48

I had visions of you belly dancing or something grin

cat64 Fri 02-Dec-11 15:40:40

Message withdrawn

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:41:42

Ooooh yeah baby!! look at those numbers shake their jui-cey booo-tey!! see that sexy algorithm? ooo-oooh!

insertcleverusernamehere Fri 02-Dec-11 15:43:55

I have to go, Ladies, thank for all your support. I think actively looking for a new job is on the cards rather than a resignation. With a civil, but exhaustive, letter of complaint when he's ready to leave.

SenseofEntitlement Fri 02-Dec-11 15:44:04

Use for a benefits calculation if you think you might need them - you can try different circumstances out as well.

SenseofEntitlement Fri 02-Dec-11 15:45:23

Is he in a union? He could have a case for unfair dismissal as they have essentially bullied him out. That is if the tories don't get rid of all employment rights before he starts proceedings.

headfairy Fri 02-Dec-11 15:46:41

definitely don't jump before he's got somewhere to jump to. Even if the atmosphere is unbearable at work he has the luxury of time on his side to start looking around for another job. Good luck!

Pendeen Fri 02-Dec-11 15:54:01

" Am I being unreasonable? to suggest to DH that he leave an secure job "

Yet, allegedly between 15:22 and 15:32 he made up his mind to leave?

Then, between 15:32 and 15:37 " Another person from his team called me today just to warn me that DH had been really badly mistreated today "?


LydiaWickham Fri 02-Dec-11 16:01:29

Tell him to start looking elsewhere. Get his CV out. But unless you can cover all the bills or have savings to cover everything for 6 months or so, I'd not walk out on a secure job.

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