AIBU to lust after the big shiny diamond rings?

[Beaverfeaver]

Me and OH got engaged May 2010. I have a gorgeous ring which is full of historic sentimental value to me and I love it.

But... I have only just in the last few months started noticing other ladies engagement rings and how big and sparkly they all are and it has made me feel a bit self concious of my ring which now seems a tad on the small side.

Me and OH were on holiday last week and he took me into a Tiffany store (I think I was magpie in a previous life and just love window shopping). And the lady starts getting out all the gorgeous and sparkly diamond engagement rings. Smallest was 0.5 carat which is much bigger than mine, but I also tried on a 1 carat too.

We were both amazed by the sparkle of these rings and they really were lovely and as we were walking out of the shop my OH tells me that one day he will get me one when he can afford one.
I told him not to be so silly and that I could never replace the ing I have now.

But am I vein unreasonable for secretly wishing that maybe one day I will own a ring like that?

I know OH really wanted to get me something a bit bigger when we got engaged but we ha jast bought a house and it would have been sillyto spend lots, so I worry that he thinks I am disappointed with it

[prioneyes]

I'm in a similar position and I told DH he can get me a huge sparkly eternity ring one day when he's flush. Would that help?

[3rdtimesacharm]

I have also done this and totally understand where you are coming from. I got engaged quite a few years before any of my close friends and have subsequently watched them all receiving much larger diamonds than mine which I lust after. But then I remember that two of their dhs cheated within the first 18 months of the marriage, another friend has nearly walked out several times and the last one seems to have a very odd relationship. So corny as it may be, it is the quality of the man and not the ring that matters.

And I totally agree with the plan to get a lovely eternity ring eventually!

[ninedragons]

Well, putting aside the fact that there are much better places to buy a diamond than Tiffany, YANBU to want one.

But nothing says a diamond ring can only be (a) presented upon engagement and (b) a gift from someone else. I think it's mean-spirited to try to conflate large rings and cheating partners in a misguided attempt to make yourself feel better about your ring.

Enjoy your engagement ring for what it is, and if you really want a bigger ring, save up or earmark an inheritance or other windfall and buy one for yourself.

[tryingtoleave]

Well, I have two big diamond rings that I inherited and I feel a bit uncomfortable wearing them because they are so noticeable. Otoh, they do have sentimental value so I love them for that.

DH has never bought me expensive jewelry, because we have never had that spare cash. Which I feel is as much down to my life choices as his. So, I think YAB a bit U to wish he could afford it.

[Beaverfeaver]

I don't wish he could afford it at all. I just feel bad for him thinking that it's what he should have got and thinking he needs to make up for it in the future.

Which I told him was silly and I didn't need any bling, but secretly thinking that maybe one day in the future if he can that it would be nice.

He already treats me often and more than I think he should, but he likes to do it for me as he buys himself lots of expensive gadgety treats, and I dont tend to want expensive things or shop much for myself at all.

[MrsBloodyTroll]

How big is big? I used to work a lot over in the States and saw many female colleagues over there wearing huge diamonds that were waaaaay too big for their tiny fingers, looked ridiculous. Yuck yuck yuck!

My own ring is 0.25 carat and I do know what you mean about it seeming too small, but DH and I got engaged when neither of us earned very much and so that's what he could afford, and I love it.

He did buy me an eternity ring after DC1 was born, but I stopped wearing it because it rubbed my finger too much. In spite of this, I do sometimes see Tiffany adverts and hanker after something else, although a large coloured stone in a cocktail ring is what I'd really like!

So, YANBU but please don't get anything too large and vulgar, and don't lose sight of your current ring being a reflection of who you were when you got engaged.

[ZonkedOut]

My ring is a 1+ carat diamond solitaire. My DH chose it, it's bigger than I would have chosen. And it's very pretty, but I still feel a bit self conscious when I wear it.

It also sticks out quite a bit - it's currently at a jewellers for repair because I caught it in a gap and yanked it, bruising my finger (could have been worse) and bending the ring so the setting is crooked.

This isn't meant to sound like "woe is me, my ring is too big", but just enjoy what you have, it's got sentimental value and is more practical too!

[SolarPrestigeAGammon]

All rings look shiny and sparkly in Tiffanys (and other jewellers). It's the magic lights - dontcha know!

PS I'll second what another poster wrote. There ARE far, far better places to go than Tiffanys >

[diyvspse]

Nothing wrong with a big diamond from Tiffany's. Though you will pay too much there.

No matter where you buy it - all diamonds shrink. [hwink]

[ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs]

I got my sparkler after DD was born. I waited fourteen years for it and don't even think about it now. It's just there.
Mine was made in Oman, I went into a shop, drew what I wanted and the man tipped a bag of diamonds out and told me to choose which ones I wanted.
We were only able to afford to get it made after we sold a house in England.
My top tip for sparklyness is to soak it in liquid window cleaner. That's what my jeweller does and he is the one appointed by the Sultan.

[Proudnreallyveryscary]

We upgraded my quite small engagement ring (to a very big sparkly eternity ring - 3 carats) 5 years after we wed. I also got rocks for special birthdays and will prob go for a solitaire engagement type ring for our 10th anniversary.
I suppose I am saying, I do understand although many would say it's inconsequential or materialistic (each to their own)!
Diamonds are fab and I love them, but I've only indulged because we can afford them now, we couldn't a few years back.

[NinkyNonker]

I could never, ever swap my engagement ring as DH chose it and proposed with it so it means far too much. It is very beautiful and a reasonable size anyway. But as a PP said, it doesn't have to be an engagement ring, you can receive (or buy yourself) diamonds for any occasion!

[worldgonecrazy]

ssssshhh - QVC diamonique is your friend. Big sparkly ring that fools everyone except experts (who would have to have a closer look anyway) and as it's only a few quid you don't have the same worry about losing it.

[MajorBOO]

You ANBU judging by the number of women who have "secretly" told me that they'd love to have a ring as big as mine, and before I get accused of stealth boasting these are usually the same women who happily spent upwards of £25,000 on their wedding day.

Our wedding cost less than a grand, add that to the cost of the ring and it's less than half of what they spent, so me and my DH are actually the cheap ones!

If you really want a big ring there's nothing wrong with that, but you may have to make compromises in other areas.

[Hippomaniac]

YANBU. I think I must have been a magpie in a previous life too. When dh and I got engaged he was still a student and couldn't afford a ring. After 11 years of marriage I'm still waiting for my ring...think i might just show him this thread!!!

[Chandon]

DH got me a lovely, small ring as we were very young at the time.

He now says he feels it is small, and would like to get me a bigger one.

But I like it, so not "trading up". It seems to me materialistic and unnecessary.



But if you are both happy to do it, go for it.

[cjn27b]

We couldn't afford a big sparkly stone, and while sometimes I secretly lust after them, I then find myself wondering why? Is it something to do with feeling valued? Is it that actually I'm highly competitive (my rock is bigger than yours)? Have I totally fallen for De Beers old advertising campaign? I like to think of myself as a liberal confident lady, and all this goes against that. So what did we do? Got three giant rough cut flawed diamonds set in 22 carat gold (they stack up). The stones really didn't cost much at all, they rock (sorry for terrible pun, couldn't resist), they're quirky, cool and everyone comments, asks where it came from etc... So ladies I have numerous diamonds now! OK they're worth peanuts (the gold is of greater value by a long shot), but they are fashionable (the jeweller has been in various mags) and make me look like a bit of a rock chic (oh gawd, more awful puns, this is too easy).

So there are ways around this one, where you don't feel like you're being consumerist / supporting the dodgy diamond trade / competitive etc...

[SolarPrestigeAGammon]

cjn - I like your style. Go on...post some pics please.

[pommedechocolat]

My mum had an argos wedding ring for years and years (and no engagement ring) when parents were skint. Then they made lots of money and my dad bought her a beautiful engagement ring and wedding band when they were on holiday in the south of france. It can happen :)

She has no sentimental attachement to the argos ring!

[cjn27b]

solar here's a links to his stuff in shops, but we went direct to him saving over 50% (and you can then choose your stones etc..)

talismangallery.co.uk/ram-rijal/

[[http://www.brownsfashion.com/Products/RAM/Products.aspx?&d=3188806
]]

[cjn27b]

Hmm, just seen the prices there - think we saved more like 75%

[Paribus]

Cjn27b, may I ask ask how did u get in touch with the designer? I tried to google him in order to go direct to him, but nothing comes up....

[Beaverfeaver]

Worldgonecrazy - that's actually not a bad idea at all. I'm not wanting my OH to spend big £££ on me (we are both car nuts so we like to splurge on cars or seeing races instead of fancy clothes and make up)

The diamonique sounds good and looks like qvc has a lot of good reviews for it.

Has anyone had any experience of Moissanite?

It also seems to be a good alternative.

I will never stop wearing my current ring, so not looking for something to replace it. Just want big sparkles for going out with sometimes :)

[diddl]

But if you love your engagement ring, why would you want to change it just because some women have bigger sparklier ones?

Why not just buy a cheap flash dress ring for your right hand?

[twinklytroll]

That is a good idea diddl.

I may look into qvc, dp and I are "engaged" ie saving for a wedding. I don't see the need for a ring but he wants to get me one. Maybe qvc would be a good compromise.