Last night my dp of 10 years says to me, is there anything in the fridge for dinner tomorrow, thinking he meant for our tea i said yes were having lamb chops, oh no he says i mean for my dinner im going to need some dinner for work, my response was well go and have a look for yourself and do something about it now ( i was secretly impressed he brought it up the night before instead of the 5 mins before he heads out).
This all stems from the fact his mum did everything for him, his brother and sister up until they left at home at 21, 30 and 26 respectively, this includes cleaning their rooms, washing, cooking, all the normal duties you would do for a 2 year old. so needless to say ive had to retrain him on how to do things, he is a perfectionist at cleaning in fact he loves it ( i hate it so let him get on with that). its little things like last night as though im expected almost to have taken over the role of his mother and now preparing his lunches is part of the job spec i didnt sign up for.
she never taught him how to cook or really look after himself just did everything for the lot of them, ive started teaching him how to cook things and he really enjoys is and says how he missed out on all this, that was until the potato saga when i asked him to help me make some mash, told him what to do with them, yet when i came home i found 4 whole potatoes in a pan with the gas on,not washed, chopped or any water with them...
up until a few months ago his brother still lived at home and was the last to leave, he had his gf stay there with them and everytime i would go round she would have cooked them a huge meal and have a moan about the state of his room that she had to clean.
My own mum stopped doing anything for me really apart from washing when i was 12/13. I am so grateful for her for doing this and i find it sad that like my mil her whole life is spent running round after her adult kids,or is that just me being bitchy, its quite a bone of contention that she still does everything for him, and when shes been having her moans about tidying up their rooms etc i just say leave them to it, they're old enough to do it themselves, but she wont listen, even her own family think shes mad for doing it, but she wont hear of her children picking up a finger in the house! If i ever have children i would start them from an early age teaching how to make things and involve them with the housework. obviously in a non whistle blowing sound of music way!
AIBU?
To think his mother has a lot to answer for...
salempickles · 05/10/2011 14:47
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cjbartlett i didnt mean she stopped cooking us tea (or is that lunch, fears a flaming for getting it wrong) i meant she stopped making us packed lunches we would get up and di it ourselves which i now think is a good thing, obviously she still cooked our evening meals 
i think thats exactly what it is she needs to feel needed, quite sad now, although we were sat in her kitchen the other day and dp was showing off his muscles asking did i think they had got bigger, i said truthfully i hadnt been paying attention to notice sorry, with that mil jumped to his defense and said yes they had, i noticed, thought that was a bit creepy tbh
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