Talk

Advanced search

To think his mother has a lot to answer for...

(14 Posts)
salempickles Wed 05-Oct-11 14:47:18

Last night my dp of 10 years says to me, is there anything in the fridge for dinner tomorrow, thinking he meant for our tea i said yes were having lamb chops, oh no he says i mean for my dinner im going to need some dinner for work, my response was well go and have a look for yourself and do something about it now ( i was secretly impressed he brought it up the night before instead of the 5 mins before he heads out).

This all stems from the fact his mum did everything for him, his brother and sister up until they left at home at 21, 30 and 26 respectively, this includes cleaning their rooms, washing, cooking, all the normal duties you would do for a 2 year old. so needless to say ive had to retrain him on how to do things, he is a perfectionist at cleaning in fact he loves it ( i hate it so let him get on with that). its little things like last night as though im expected almost to have taken over the role of his mother and now preparing his lunches is part of the job spec i didnt sign up for.

she never taught him how to cook or really look after himself just did everything for the lot of them, ive started teaching him how to cook things and he really enjoys is and says how he missed out on all this, that was until the potato saga when i asked him to help me make some mash, told him what to do with them, yet when i came home i found 4 whole potatoes in a pan with the gas on,not washed, chopped or any water with them...

up until a few months ago his brother still lived at home and was the last to leave, he had his gf stay there with them and everytime i would go round she would have cooked them a huge meal and have a moan about the state of his room that she had to clean.

My own mum stopped doing anything for me really apart from washing when i was 12/13. I am so grateful for her for doing this and i find it sad that like my mil her whole life is spent running round after her adult kids,or is that just me being bitchy, its quite a bone of contention that she still does everything for him, and when shes been having her moans about tidying up their rooms etc i just say leave them to it, they're old enough to do it themselves, but she wont listen, even her own family think shes mad for doing it, but she wont hear of her children picking up a finger in the house! If i ever have children i would start them from an early age teaching how to make things and involve them with the housework. obviously in a non whistle blowing sound of music way!

BruciesDollyDealer Wed 05-Oct-11 14:51:48

ive had to retrain him on how to do things, he is a perfectionist at cleaning in fact he loves it ( i hate it so let him get on with that).

blimey how condescending and patronising

SharrieTBGinzatome Wed 05-Oct-11 14:55:26

Message withdrawn

slavetofilofax Wed 05-Oct-11 14:55:39

YANBU.

The day my dh proudly produced his own oven chips with a look of glee, as it was the first time he had sorted anything more than a slice of toast, was the day I decided my MIL was actually not as lovely as I had first thought.

I have had to teach him everything. At least it means he does things my way though, my ex was too well trained and it was annoying when he wanted housey things done differently.

My MIL sounds like your MIL, she would wipe dh's arse for him if she could, but I have no reason to feel sorry for her. Treating him like a child is something she chose to do because of her own pathetic need to be needed. It is not healthy, and it does no one any favours.

cjbartlett Wed 05-Oct-11 14:55:44

I think it's a bit harsh to stop providing your kids with meals when they are 12/13

salempickles Wed 05-Oct-11 14:55:52

Sorry train him, not retrain him, and hes the first to admit it, hes a perfectionist virgo, For someone who had no idea how to use a washing machine when he moved in with me,and was probably looking for me to take over his mums role i dont see anything wrong with helping him learn how to do things round the house, i just wish his mum had taught him years ago

Scholes34 Wed 05-Oct-11 14:57:34

I'd happily trade off the cleaning for the cooking!

MrsBloomingTroll Wed 05-Oct-11 14:57:35

My DH is a fabulous cook, taught by his mother, and with a good dollop of natural flair thrown into the mix.

However, she failed to teach him how to clean up the kitchen after himself. Personally I'd rather have a DH who cleans up and eat a ready meal or beans on toast than a gourmet meal and a trashed kitchen (gourmet meal is nice every now and again though).

My DS is 6 weeks old and I've already decided to teach him general housework. DH can teach him how to cook.

QuintessentialDread Wed 05-Oct-11 14:58:33

Are you also teaching your husbands to use a powerdrill, or has he taught you that?

salempickles Wed 05-Oct-11 15:00:29

cjbartlett i didnt mean she stopped cooking us tea (or is that lunch, fears a flaming for getting it wrong) i meant she stopped making us packed lunches we would get up and di it ourselves which i now think is a good thing, obviously she still cooked our evening meals smile

i think thats exactly what it is she needs to feel needed, quite sad now, although we were sat in her kitchen the other day and dp was showing off his muscles asking did i think they had got bigger, i said truthfully i hadnt been paying attention to notice sorry, with that mil jumped to his defense and said yes they had, i noticed, thought that was a bit creepy tbh

MrsBloomingTroll Wed 05-Oct-11 15:01:43

My DH also useless at DIY, sadly! Thankfully he's pretty good at earning the cash to pay other people to do the major stuff.

I went on a DIY course so that I can take care of the small DIY things around the house myself.

salempickles Wed 05-Oct-11 15:06:04

I cant fault him for DIY, and yes for the poster who asked he is teaching me hot to use power tools, were renovating our house and a lot of the work has been done by myself dp and our dads, its amazing his dad has taught him everything to do with different trades needed in a house, yet his mum taught him nothing, not even how to fold a sheet i just find that amazing and wonder how little time she actually had for herself.

notso Wed 05-Oct-11 15:41:53

My MIL is exactly the same, she does everything for everyone.
She can't sleep anymore from years of getting up in the middle of the night with FIL when he worked shifts to make his lunch and breakfast.
She still cooks two meals a week for BIL and his wife and SIL and her boyfriend even though they moved out about 4 and 2 years ago.
DH had never even had to run or empty his own bath when we moved in together.
I have seen her being shouted at by a 24yo for not having his shirt ironed in time.
Watched her bring her meal from the kitchen last, sit down to eat only to have a hulking great 22yo say "where's my drink" and off she goes to get it.
I don't do that for my 11 and 7 yo.
I feel sorry for her though to be so undervalued. Even though she has done none of them any favours. It's is the way she and FIL were brought up. I do get annoyed with FIL for not letting any of them ever do any DIY, his Dad taught him but he will pick apart anything DH does and do it again 'properly'.

That said I make DH's sandwiches for work I am making DC's anyway and it only takes 2 mins.

QuintessentialDread Wed 05-Oct-11 15:57:56

Having just spent three years in the North of Norway, where having a cleaner is unheard of, and hiring somebody to help with diy pretty much impossible, as everybody wields their own powertools, build their own extensions, and do their own landscaping, seeing how the old lines between "womans" and "mans" work blurred is quite amazing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now