WIBU to speak to DD's English teacher about this?

[lubeybooby]

Hi, sorry if this is long but I'm at a bit of a loss now.

My DD is now 15 and she is such a great kid, clever, polite and has a good group of friends, BUT confidence has always been something of an issue for her since maybe age 7 or 8 despite my praise, reassurance, encouragement etc. She has always worked on it with me and has improved massively over the years but this still affects her in a few ways especially with speaking or reading aloud/in class, answering questions etc.

She finds it difficult to put her hand up in class to answer a question even when she is sure of her answer. She says she hates her voice and blushes furiously but she still tries to do it sometimes. She says it's much better if she has had time to think it out, but if she is 'picked on' to answer a question instead of putting her hand up the answer vanishes out of her head, she feels put on the spot and can't think, she blushes even worse and feels humiliated

The above is being made worse since she started a new school this Sept by a situation with her English teacher, who is deaf and has some kind of microphone set up in class, and hearing aids. The teacher is apparently very good and gets most pupils through with an A, this has come from my DD herself and she enjoys the work, but the teacher seems to have a particular problem hearing my DD (there seems to be no issue at all hearing the other children) and makes her repeat answers over and over, which distresses my DD greatly. The teacher doesn't seem to realise the upset and humiliation she is causing.

My DD says she has always made sure her mouth is visible for lip reading and her voice clear and directed towards the microphone but this still happens. I suggested to my DD that she start sitting at the front, and she has but this has also made no difference.


AIBU to think maybe this teacher is just picking on her for some unknown reason, seeing as my DD does all she can to try and make sure she doesn't have to repeat anything?

WIBU to raise this issue with the teacher herself... and if not what should I say?

Me and DD have worked so hard on the confidence thing and I can see this setting her back already and also she is starting to dread a class she otherwise enjoys.

I have no idea what if anything I should do?

[mummymeister]

If the teacher herself has a disability then she will probably be more understanding than most about confidence issues and how this affecting your DD. i would definately book to go in and see her. You can make it clear then that it isnt a criticism of her just not understanding why your child seems to be the only. i would though check first with a few other parents to see if they are having probs. sometimes teenagers think it is just them when in fact others have probs too. Go and see her asap.

[TheTenantOfWildfellHall]

If your DD doesn't like her voice and the teacher is having difficulty in understanding her voice, is there something about her voice that could be difficult for other to understand?

I doubt the teacher is picking on her, because that would mean she is using her own disability to be unkind to someone else, which seems a bit unlikely.

I can completely see why this is so upsetting for you though. Just more info might help

[fedupofnamechanging]

If your dd is really upset then it is always worth having a chat to the teacher. Something to bear in mind though is that pupils are assessed on speaking and listening skills as part of their GCSE, so anything that can be done to help her confidence will be in her best interests.

I wouldn't be accusatory with the teacher, but would approach it in a way of what can we both do to help dd.

[lubeybooby]

Yes I suppose DD's confidence issues could be making her think it's just her. I don't really know any other parents to speak to though. I have a parents evening on Thurs with her form tutor, should I maybe mention it to him and see what he says?

[lubeybooby]

TheTenant There isn't anything wrong with DD's voice, she just believes in her head that it's horrible... you know how a lot of people hate the sound of their voice on recoded things like answerphones etc? She's like that but has it blown out of proportion

karma that sounds like a good approach, thanks

[ViviPru]

Yes I agree with mm. See her ASAP.

If it isn't a technical issue, it could be that the teacher has observed that your DD is particularly reticent at speaking out so is placing special emphasis upon her (by way of some kind of misguided attempt to bring her out of herself) and she doesn't realise the distress this is causing your DD, particularly if as you say she is polite.

[TheTenantOfWildfellHall]

In that case, I think you do need to speak to her. It does sound awful for your daughter that you've both worked so hard on building her confidence up and this is jeopardising that.

Yes, I would mention it to the form tutor on Thursday. He may be able to speak to the teacher on your behalf.

[lubeybooby]

Ok thanks, I will start with a mention to the tutor and see if he suggests anything and go from there. Thank you all.

[proudfoot]

YABVU to think the teacher is "just picking on her for some unknown reason"

It sounds like your daughter really needs to start tackling her confidence issues. What you have described does not sound normal at all for a 15 year old girl.

[proudfoot]

Sorry that sounds a bit harsh. I don't mean to be harsh about your DD, more that she needs to tackle if for her own sake because otherwise what is a pretty harmless situation (like this) will just be awful for her.