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To have told off a friends child.

(18 Posts)
Crazyfatmamma Mon 26-Sep-11 19:49:36

Hi all. Today walking back from nursery- my friends 4 year old daughter heard the call of the scrap metal men and promptly shouted out ''Gypos''. Her mum seemed to find this funny and laughed which led to the child saying it over and over again.
My 4 year daughter was looking at this child and I was worried that she would repeat what was being said so I told the child not to say these words as she would get into trouble at school if she said it on front of the teachers, the child continued to say it so I repeated that I didnt want my daughter to repeat these words.
Eventually her mum told her not to say it but I know for a fact that she was the one to tell her child these words.
I personally find this language offensive and racist, and the child could get into trouble with other children and indeed other adulys for using these words.
I would normally keep my mouth shut as its up to her how she brings up her child and I appreciate that everyone has different values and morals but I didnt like the fact that the other children were listening. To me its more offensive than swearing.
My friend now seems to be a bit angry with me and barely spoke to me the rest of the way home- I appreciate I may have embarrased her but didnt know how else to show my displeasure.
Was I wrong in correcting this child??

wantadvice Mon 26-Sep-11 19:53:54

Yabu to be friends with someone like this in teh first place. Can't say I would have someone like this as a friend so I think the least of your problems is offending her in telling her child off.

exoticfruits Mon 26-Sep-11 19:59:42

I would choose other friends.

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Sep-11 20:05:30

I'd distance myself if I was you - or your DD will pick up this sort of casual bigotry and discrimination.

yadahyadah Mon 26-Sep-11 21:29:13

Good for you for telling the child off and sorry to hear that you are now being given the cold shoulder. Your DD needed to hear your disapproval. Screw what your friend thinks. If it embarrassed her, maybe she'll think about why and change her behaviour. For so many [hideous] people, that foul terminology is an acceptable and unquestioned form of derision/description.

acatcalledfelix Mon 26-Sep-11 21:35:31

This is really sad and I would have done what you did but it's a really awkward position for you to be in and I feel for you. Unfortunately so many people do not see what is wrong with this, and I've spent time educating both adults and children about how this is actually racist. Do you think your friend undertands what the problem is?

There was a little girl (8yo) playing with my nephew a few weeks ago who said something about "pikeys". I said she shouldn't use this word and explained why it was wrong. MIL said it was a waste of time as it would have been her mum who she learnt it from. But that doesn't make it right and certainly wasn;t going to stop me from doing the right thing.

pigletmania Mon 26-Sep-11 21:48:21

You are doing her child a favor, she isen't going to learn the right things from her mum.

Crazyfatmamma Tue 27-Sep-11 15:07:02


ForYourDreamsAreChina Tue 27-Sep-11 15:59:21


StewieGriffinsMom Tue 27-Sep-11 16:04:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluesue26 Tue 27-Sep-11 16:22:57

Thing is if your friends child goes around saying things like this and doesn't challenge it she is actually setting the child up to get into trouble. Many people find this language offensive and if the child goes into school and gets reprimanded for it he/she is going to be confused because mummy laughs when they say it. Don't think you were unreasonable at all and if your friend thinks you are then give her a wide berth.

TheGrassIsJewelled Tue 27-Sep-11 16:49:50

And yes, you need new friends.
If my child ever said this or similar, I'd want adults there to tell her off (if I wasn't there, iyswim!).

Crazyfatmamma Tue 27-Sep-11 19:49:42

I think you may be right- the mum herself comes across as a kind person with a heart of gold but she obviously feels that calling travellers gypos is acceptable- Why??? It racist and bigoted and I agree that she is setting the child up for a fall. To be honest I dont think she would be racist to other cultures but she feels its acceptable to call people these names. You dont encourage this in small children.

comedycentral Tue 27-Sep-11 20:04:53


youarekidding Tue 27-Sep-11 20:12:47


My closest friend will tell DC's at her school for for being offensive. Her own DD2 would do things such as point out of the car window and say 'Chinese lady' and laugh. My friend would laugh too. confused I always kept a stoney face and gave DS a look that dared him to laugh. She obviously felt uncomfortable because she began to stop her DD doing this.

Laquitar Tue 27-Sep-11 20:21:11

Can someone tell me what the word means or is it difficult to do so without being offensive? (i honestly don't know it, i'm not taking the mic)

TheGrassIsJewelled Tue 27-Sep-11 20:31:36

It comes from 'gypsy'.

Laquitar Tue 27-Sep-11 20:37:06

Thank you TheGrassIsJewelled (nice user-name)

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