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AIBU? I honestly don't know and would really appreciate your thoughts.

(15 Posts)
SatisfiedOtter Tue 13-Sep-11 20:53:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muttimalzwei Tue 13-Sep-11 20:57:24

My gut instinct is that you should do what will have the best outcome for him. Try to talk to her, explain how you feel and that you would like a fresh start. I

amIbeingdaft Tue 13-Sep-11 20:58:51

It sounds like you've been through a hell of a lot. Support him, be civil to her if you can. You don't need to be friends with her, your dad is asking too much there. But it will be easier to be civil to her in the long run, she's not worth losing your dad over.

As an aside, has your dad had any help for his issues? It sounds like he's been struggling for a long time.

RedHelenB Tue 13-Sep-11 21:03:10

Problems or not I think if your Dad goes back to ignoring you when he gets with OW he's a user!!

SatisfiedOtter Tue 13-Sep-11 21:06:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatisfiedOtter Tue 13-Sep-11 21:08:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB Tue 13-Sep-11 21:09:48

OK then!! Not sure you can really do much, if he wants OW he will & I can['t see that she will suddenly change her spots.

mumsamilitant Tue 13-Sep-11 21:15:20

Well to be honest, your dad no matter what will do what he wants. He does seem, how can I say this, a bit self consumed whether due to illness or not. Maybe its a bit of "two pees in a pod" with the OW. Just love your dad, let go and be civil to the other woman.

Changing2011 Tue 13-Sep-11 21:22:12

To be honest, your dad can't be as ill as he made out throughout your childhood if he had another woman lined up for as soon as you left home. He also sounds weak and needy, he has allowed his wife to control his parental relationship with you. But he wants your support after you have been sidelined heavily!

You sound so gracious and understanding, but I think you know you need to distance yourself from your dads relationship with his ex and just see him on your terms... Make it clear to him that there are limits to your patience, of which you have shown a great deal. Good luck x

mumsamilitant Tue 13-Sep-11 21:26:40

And your mum obviously had a hard time previous with your dad but she also moved on with another partner didnt she. Whether she probably still secretly still loves your dad. He doesnt love her.

slavetofilofax Tue 13-Sep-11 21:28:15

I think that getting back with this woman will do your Father no good at all. If your Dad is someone that craves security and stabilty and a feeling of safety, then she will probably be very attracted by the the fact that she is needed.

Some people need to be needed, and that can make them want to fight off other people who could provide what is needed. They want to be the only one that will do. I think that's why she didn't want you around the first time.

However, if your Dad wants to be with her, he will be. You can tell him that you don't like it because you don't think she is good for him, but you should be civil to her and accept it as much as you can.

biscuitmad Tue 13-Sep-11 21:29:27

Your dad has been honest with you and thats a great start. Ask him to invite her over for coffee. Every time you see her be nice and polite and if she starts to get funny your dad will notice.

At the end of the day if you dad chooses to go back to her you cant stop him, just be happy for him. Ask for him to come and see you without her and when he arrived and the phone keeps beeping. Say to him please just call her and tell her your here so that we can talk without being interupted all the time. Or ask him to turn the phone off for an hour.

DoMeDon Tue 13-Sep-11 21:31:16

You sound very adult and understanding - I would go with your gut as you know the full history. You can only tolerate so much and if you think you cannot have her back in your life that is a valid choice. It is not U to be honest and it is fair to say enough is enough.

SatisfiedOtter Tue 13-Sep-11 21:38:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled Tue 13-Sep-11 21:44:02

Have you talked to your mum about it? If not, sit her down and explain the nightmare dilemma - if she's happily remarried she might actually be the best person for advice, assuming the hurt of him leaving has diminished enough (and it sounds like it has).

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