To not let my Ds go for a sleepover

[clarabella18]

Dp's neice invited ds1 for a sleepover at Hera tonight with her 2 eldest children. Niece is the original shouty mum (gets on high horse) and some of her parenting techniques are not what I would wish to expose my children too (gets down)
She has only recently moved into new flat after splitting with her partner. Her exp was abuse, and an alcoholic, his son is a bulky and bullied her other kids.
The family have told her under no uncertain terms that if she goes back to him again then we don't want anything more to do with her.

Turns out that the exdp's son has been sleeping over and possible the partner too. We told her last night that ds1would not be sleeping over for the above reasons and asked her if they were back seeing each other, she said no but did nothing to convince us otherwise ( she is normally the kind of person who would argue black was White)
On way home from picking ds1 up from school I saw her ex through the winder at her house.

Have now just had my niece on the phone crying asking me to let him stay as it's not fair on her and that she promisesthat the ex or his son won't be there.

I stuck to my guns and said no but I feel sorry for me niece. AIBU??

[AgentZigzag]

Isn't it a bit OTT for her to be crying on the phone to you just because you won't let your DS go for a sleepover? [confuses]

Either she's OTT upset or she's trying to manipulate you for whatever reason by tantruming.

You've got good reasons for not letting him go, if she doesn't like that...tough, you're his mum.

[ragged]

I'd feel sorry for her that she has such a disorganised life, but it's not your fault. YANBU on the sleepover part.

[rookiemater]

Gosh no I wouldn't expose my DS to that set up either. What age is he?

[clarabella18]

Ds is 9 meant to say it was my nieces daughter who was crying on the phone. She's 12 and a bit if a drama queen!

[Sn0wflake]

Could you have her at your house?

[AgentZigzag]

'Either she's OTT upset or she's trying to manipulate you for whatever reason by tantruming.'

I suppose that still stands then

[clarabella18]

I've told her she can stay over any time all she has to do is ask.
DS doesn't seem that bothered about not being allowed to go and I'm sure I'm Doing the right thing.
Thanks all for agreeing.

[exoticfruits]

She sounds a bit unhinged. I wouldn't send my DC to anyone who is going to cry when things don't suit.