I am pissed, but need you to tell me stop being a bitch (Long)

[dontbullshitme]

Where to start.

Really dont know where to start.

Hubby died 6 yrs ago sep. Not long after me and sister stopped talking. The reason because I didnt think she gave me any support over this time. But I missed her. I love her she is my sis and at the end of it I always think my best mate.

But if there is a bloke I feel I get dumped. And left. Except when she wants something. or has no-one.

When we made up 2 or so yrs ago, I introduced her to my new circle of friends.

It was great having my sis back. Son and niece were happy. Mum was, I was for once. Sis was.

Then last year new bloke. And literally I felt like I got dumped again. No contact unless at a family occasion.

Due to finances I havent gone out as much, as I have done last year.

My friends and my sis, have asked me numerous times over the last 10 months or so to go out. Apart from a handful of times, I have been unable due to cash flow. Friends have understood, sis seems put out. They have therefore gone out without me.

Through FB I found out sis had finished with new bloke. And started seeing someone else.

And 2 weeks ago informed me she was moving to Cornwall (me and hubby planned to move there). Cause this is where the new fella lives (old school friend). And told me son and i could visit.

Cornwall holds very dear memories. I dont really know if its a place I can revisit so easily. Without it prompting very big happy memories and what once was and is now. I tried to explain this, but also said that my son was welcome to visit them at anytime during school holidays.

Anyway tonight was supposed to be a night out for me, best friend and sis. Texted sis all day No answer.

Anway 2 girls who we go out with have fell out, sis has been going out with the other girl. While I am torn between best friend and sis and the other girl.

In between all this my Best friend for the last 18 months has had a very on off relationship with a married fella. Who has beat her up numerous times. She has 2 months ago started seeing someone else. And tonight also told me she started see married man again 3 weeks ago - but has finished it for good this time.

So tonight has gone rather like this ----

Started like this a few drinks in home town with best friend (text from sis, saying she was out with new fella, would see us later) taxi to next town,

See sis in pub, her fella, gives me an up and down kind of look, (yes am overweight) Everytime I tried to speak, he averted his eyes and spoke to sis and My friend instead.

Goe's outside for fag, back in sis nowhere to be seen. Found them huddled in corner in a couples clique, with the friend who isnt speaking to my best friend and her fella. So I just got abit stroppy ( I thought if you wanted us with you, you would off stayed where you were). So I said see you we are going. My sister and I have had a very at volatile relationship. And I know My big gob would of opened and I would of seen my arse.

I tried explaining to my friend, saying I didnt want to stay where we were, but wanted to go back to my home town. Cause I didnt want any trouble or arguing ect.

Best friend responded saying a fella she had fancied for ages was out she wanted to stay. I said stay, and I will go back. I just didnt want to stay, cause I know me and my sis will argue.

So we went a couple of pubs down with the intention of ordering a taxi. And cue the beat up married man, Who she proceeds to try and snog. While current bf is in same pub.


I was stood there aghast, basically held my hands in the air, and said Ive had enough. Cant stand the crap, bullshit blardy blardy blah and left.


Im sat here, feel totally shit, cause I walked on my mate. But I cant take anymore Bullshit off folk.

I am so sick of folking saying one thing and doing a complete opposite, is it me. And yes I am single - probably because I'm an overweight gobby cow- although tonight I have been very quiet. Apart from trying to explain to my friend why I wanted to leave town. Cause I didnt want an argument, but ended up walking out on her.

[princessglitter]

Sorry you had such a bad night - sounds like you were best walking away from all that - they all sound pretty immature. Don't feel bad - you did what you needed to do. You've been through a lot; be kind to yourself.

[HerHissyness]

Jesus christ what horrid people you are surrounded by! are they 12? I'd ditch the lot of them!

[timidviper]

I don't mean to make you feel bad by saying this but you need to find some nicer friends.

You sound much nicer than the people you are hanging around with.

[CheshireDing]

Sounds complicated OP and a rubbish night:(

Best to let them all just get on with it I think. Have you thought about joining some sort of club for social/hobby reasons and to get some nice friends instead?

[HengshanRoad]

Seriously, get out of this stupid, petty Jeremy Kyle of a situation and move on with your life.

[Kazanova]

It sounds like you are caught in the middle and stop bring yourself down. You did the right thing by walking away and I think you have had enough of everyone elses rubbish.

My friend argues with her sis alot and then makes up. Shes had enough too. Let them get on with it. I think most people are in the same boat with cash at the moment and sounds like you are being practical.

[CheerfulYank]

Sounds like pointless drama to me, you certainly don't need that in your life.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

You know when you've reached your limit - and you reached yours last night. Don't beat yourself up 'cos it's no big deal - it is how it is.

As for visting places that are epecially dear to your heart, don't go to them unless you feel fully in control and able to deal with the bathos and the memories it will evoke.

You can visit any place any time in your imagination where you'll be able to turn off the tap of emotional pain in a way that you may not be able to do in reality.

Sometimes it isn''t about feel the fear and do it anyway; sometimes we have valid reason not to confront our fears in the interests of self-preservation.

[DevotionAndDesire]

The other posters are right, you need to find yourself some better adult friends, these women all appear to enjoy behaving like teenager so leave them to it, I am sure you would be better off out of the drama.

[HedleyLamarr]

HerHissyness Mon 29-Aug-11 00:37:39

Jesus christ what horrid people you are surrounded by! are they 12? I'd ditch the lot of them!

This is exactly what I thought. You need these people like a kick in the face.

[dontbullshitme]

Thanks everyone thought I was going mad.

TheSecondComing This is why I wanted to leave the town. I didnt want to run into my sis again. I didnt want another stupid/pointless argument. Which would result in us not speaking again. My Son and Niece dont deserve this.

Ive got me phone switched off, Cause quite frankly cant be arsed speaking to any off them.

Cant believe my bf, why would you keep going back to someone who is married and beats you. And then keep tryna snog him, why current fella is in same pub. This is a 40 + year old women. Just dont get it.

[aldiwhore]

OP, don't try and understand the actions of others when they're having such a negative impact on you (I'm all for empathy, but not at the expense of your own feelings).

It sounds like you need a new start?

Why not go to Cornwall with just you and your son? It will be traumatic, but maybe in allowing yourself to revisit a place where you were happy, you'll be reminded of who you are and want to be? You may even fall in love with the place again and reconcile the pain?

You sound like you had a rubbish night out too, and that sucks, especially when you needed a good night out.

Its your life, but I can only say what I think I'd do... first, holiday to Cornwall, you have unresolved 'business' there and its become almost a fear. Secondly, begin building the life you want, with the people you want. That doesn't mean you have to fall out with anyone, or tell them 'home truths' just little by little do different things. Changing direction isn't always instant but you sound so stuck in a rut that's not helped by your sister or best friend.

You describe yourself as fat and gobby, that makes me a little sad to hear, try being nicer to yourself and about yourself. If you're always putting yourself down, then others will think you don't mind. If you really HATE the way you look, maybe a slimming club could work on many levels... I joined one, thought I'd hate it, absolutely love it, and have made new friends, got masses of confidence, decided I rather like myself and have lost weight into the bargain. It doesn't have to be a slimming club though! I'm not saying you 'should'.

[aldiwhore]

Oh and in relation to the thread title. YANBU and I won't tell you to stop being a bicth because you're not being a bitch... and I'm impressed at your typing skills when drunk!