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AIBU?

Is DP being UR? Or am I being UR/over thinking this?

12 replies

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 28/08/2011 20:47

I am probably way over thinking this, but I have been with my DP since I was 15, so 5 years this october. He is 2 years older than me. When he was old enough to go in town drinking, he did (without me as I was underage), most weekends then came to my house to stay the night. And then I turned 18, we went in town a few times but hardly as much as he used to go out without me. Now we have a 10 week old DD, and he has been out 5 weeks in a row. To me it feels like he doesn't want to go out with me. To me it feels like he just likes to go out if I can't go out too. I'm BFing so can't leave DD yet. I guess I just feel left out. I haven't had a night out in months! What does everyone else think? I don't mind him going out every so often but not every week as this is turning out to be! Am I just over thinking this or what?

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FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 20:51

Well to be honest it would be nice if he were to spend weekends at home with you and the new baby, however bearing in mind his age that is what some do.

Some men feel it is their automatic right to go out at weekends when they work all week, personally I don't think it is a right if you have a young family.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe trying to get a sitter as you could express before you left? Can you afford for him to go out every week?

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TidyDancer · 28/08/2011 20:51

Have you discussed this with him? I don't think there's a wrong or right answer here. I'm not of the school of thought that he necessarily ought to stay home all the time because you can't leave DD either, but I'd probably be quite upset if DP went out that frequently if he knew it bothered me.

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cheekeymonkey · 28/08/2011 20:52

When you have finished BFing you will be able to take it in turns to go out won't you?
Just concentrate on being a mommy for now, it's the most important job you can do.
He is just taking advantage of the situation as it is at present.

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Annpan88 · 28/08/2011 20:53

To be honest, even without the backstory of him not going out eith you much before, I'd be pissed off if my DH had been out for 5 weeks in a row and our baby is almost 5 months

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Melly20MummyToPoppy · 28/08/2011 21:04

No moneys not really an issue, we're not exactly minted but he makes his drinks last forever so he would only spend about £15 max in a night.

I'm not really sure who I could get to sit, as my sister has her own kids to sort out, my mum is in america, and MIL is who (bizarrely) DP usually goes out drinking with!

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FriggFRIGG · 28/08/2011 21:17

id be upset if my DP choose to go out this often.
especially with such a small DC.
have you spoken to him about how it makes you feel?

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FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 21:18

Ask the MIL to babysit whlist you go out with your partner.

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onebigchocolatemess · 28/08/2011 21:43

I don't think either myself OR DH went out for the first 3 months with DS1 as we were so topsyturvey with the whole thing - and seem to remember the 'head wetting' thing causing a few arguments even then.

And I do remember agreeing to a mutual 3month ban for going out when we had DS2 so we could get ourselves sorted.

YANBU, when you both decided to have a family its 50/50 down the line in my book. If he is going out, then you should be getting a treat of equal portion lined up in some way shape or form - or how else could it ever be fair?

give and take

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Melly20MummyToPoppy · 28/08/2011 22:02

No I haven't. I will do when he gets home. Last thing he said just as he went out was "I'll only be an hour" that was 2 hours ago Hmm tbh I should know better than to take him seriously when he says he'll "only be x amount of time".

FFS and to top it all off there's a fucking MAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSIVE spider sat about 3 feet away from me on the floor. Bloody things. If they fucking insist on being spiders then they could at least be discreet about it!! Angry

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FriggFRIGG · 28/08/2011 22:19

throw a large book at itGrin

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Melly20MummyToPoppy · 28/08/2011 22:28

I threw a soggy tissue at it, flicked a hair bobble at it, then it ran towards me so i threw the whole box of tissues. I then ran out of things to throw and it just sat there for a few minutes, then disappeared Shock then DP came home just as i spotted it again and he hoovered it up :o

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FriggFRIGG · 28/08/2011 22:32

oh god i HATE it when they disappear!
im glad it got hoovered up!

have you spoken to your DP,maybe he just hasnt thought about how it might make you feel?

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