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AIBU?

to ask for advice re my DSS?!

10 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 25/08/2011 17:16

Have DSS here for 2 wks, he asked to come and stay so I paid for him to fly down, he is nearly 16. His dad (my OH) is away in the forces for 3 months atm so isn't here. My DS1 is 14, DD 12 and DS2 9.

DSS has been ribbing and teasing DS1 constantly since he arrived, to the point of taking it too far and upsetting him for which I have (very nicely) spoken to him about (last summer I also spent a long time listening to and supporting him over him being bullied at school!!).

I took them all to a theme park and he spent the entire day calling DS1 a "pussy" because DS1 doesn't like scary fast rides. I dealt with the situation diplomatically and hope all 4 had a good day.

Just walked to the shop with DD and she has told me that - yesterday while I was at work DSS barricaded himself in DS1's room (they are sharing) telling him to "fuck off" everytime he tried to get in there and telling him he hated us all (encouraging DS2 to side with him) and has got the phone number of a friend of DS1's (a girl he really likes) and has been phoning her up constantly being an idiot and also embarrassing DS1.

DSS flies home tomorrow. I don't know whether to tackle these issues now and risk DSS being more of a sod to DS1 tomorrow while I am work or talk to my OH about it when he gets home in a couple of weeks.

Am thinking about pretending that girls mum has phoned complaining about phone calls and has threatened to call the police.

Help!

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AMumInScotland · 25/08/2011 17:24

I think you have to pull him up on it straight away - I'd go with saying "Look mate, you've been on the receiving end of bullying and you know what it's like. You've got no excuse for dishing it out." He needs to be told its unacceptable, and your other DC need to know that you take it seriously. You can't leave it till DH is back - you're the adult in the house for the duration, even if you'd normally leave discipline to his dad.

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slightlyunbalanced · 25/08/2011 17:30

Thinking maybe you are right. Need to calm down first as I feel really pissed off that he has behaved like this when I have bent over backwards to accommodate him.

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OurPlanetNeptune · 25/08/2011 17:45

Agree 100% with Amum. Knock on the head. He is bullying your son and seems to be getting away with it. I take my hat off to you, it isn't easy being mother to 4 children particularly when there are step family dynamics involved. You sound like you are great mother to all of them. However, I think that it is extremely important that all the children feel they are being treated equally. Your DS1 needs to see that you have dealt with it. How would you deal with it if it was your 14yo bullying one of the younger two in the same way?

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OurPlanetNeptune · 25/08/2011 17:46

knock it - the problem that is

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SenoritaViva · 25/08/2011 17:51

You posted before about money right and the kids watching him spend it on himself?

He sounds like he's going through a rough patch (in character) and I really think as the others have said you need to say his behaviour will not be tolerated.

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slightlyunbalanced · 25/08/2011 17:53

Yes posted about money too - he forgot his wallet when we went to the theme park .

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slightlyunbalanced · 25/08/2011 19:35

Phew - managed firm but fair with a hug and "I love you" at the end - god I was shaking! :S

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MCos · 25/08/2011 22:51

Well done OP. Totally necessary to do, but tough. I'd be shaking too.

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biddysmama · 25/08/2011 23:21

you got a hug off a 16 year old boy?? you need a medal just for that

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slightlyunbalanced · 26/08/2011 00:20

Tee hee that's funny :) I got an I love you too but I also gave him some condoms he'd been badgering me for all week (accompanied with 3000 safe sex etc leaflets and a little advice - I run a sexual health clinic it's fine and his dad asked me to do it ages ago and I bided my time - his mum however may kill me :D )