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To be creeped out by this?

(10 Posts)
Thetrickistokeepbreathing Sat 20-Aug-11 01:33:01

have namechanged for this. Brief history; quite a few years ago I had a physically/emotionally abusive ex who I managed to leave after summoning up the courage to break off our engagement. This was after a few years of every time I tried to leave him, him threatening an overdose or other extreme emotional blackmail. It was a dark time in my life and I try not to think about it. I am now a very happily married mum and thank heavens every day for the incredible man I am married to. I feel it's important to say this because I know that I have nothing but pity for and maybe even residual fear of my ex, and as this AIBU involves his now girlfriend I need to make clear that I have no feelings whatsoever for him.

I run a small business, PR of sorts, and the ex's gf is in exactly the same field and just starting her own company. I have noticed that she is directly targeting my existing clients on social media and mentioning me as a mutual association. I have never met the woman and as I now live in a totally different city am unlikely to. Am I being unreasonable to find this unsettling and creepy?

I know that social media is not real life exactly, but it is an integral part of my professional life and I feel as if she is deliberately targeting me in some weird way. AIBU? If I'm not, what should I do?

Thank you.

manicbmc Sat 20-Aug-11 01:39:31

She's using your good name erroneously - tell her to bugger off.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 20-Aug-11 03:32:48

YANBU; However, with regard to I know that I have nothing but pity for and maybe even residual fear of my ex Dispel those feelings now because if you entertain any feeling except indifference for your ex, you will be allowing him to have some kind of hold over you even if it is just the ability to unsettle you.

In what way is your ex's gf targeting your clients and mentioning yoru name? Is she sending them mail shots, implying that her company/enterprise is associated with yours, or endeavouring to trade on your name in any way, shape, or form, or attempting to acquire business by undercutting your fees?

In any event, IMO you should send her a missive couched in your best legalise - perhaps something along the lines of:
It has come to my attention that you are claming professional association with myself (if it's your company, insert name).
As there has been no professional association or business dealings whatsoever between us (our respective companies) I am writing to request that you desist forthwith from enjoining my name (insert company name if applicable) with that of your own/her company name.
If you fail to comply with this request I will have no alternative but to appraise my clients of your behaviour and seek legal advice.

Or words to that general effect - I'm sure you get the gist, keep it cool, calm, detached, and brief with no reference whatsoever to your common denominator.

And, of course, if appropriate occasion arises, mention discreetly in passing to your clients that you seem to have attracted the attention of a 'business stalker' from whose actions you can only assume that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - ho ho ho, ha ha ha - and regarding your comission/assignment are you looking to blah blah...

LolaRennt Sat 20-Aug-11 05:49:14

YANBU let her know she needs to stop or you will let others know her game.

CurrySpice Sat 20-Aug-11 06:04:05

I wouldn't be creeped out, I'd be furious!!

Do what Izzy said, she needs to stop now!

iscream Sat 20-Aug-11 07:36:20

Izzy is a smart person. I would follow her advise.

MorelliOrRanger Sat 20-Aug-11 09:32:28

Me too - that is one great letter Izzy.

OP - what a weirdo sad (her not you).

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Sat 20-Aug-11 10:01:20

That's a good letter.

Surely there must be some law against it? Although that would be a costly route!

PhilipJFry Sat 20-Aug-11 10:05:01

Izzy's letter sounds fantastic and spot on. You don't want your reputation suffering by association if she does shoddy work for others and they have you two linked in their mind.

ZillionChocolate Sat 20-Aug-11 10:15:15

Noooooooooooooo! Not "myself".

You may also want to insist that she corrects the misleading impression she has created.

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