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to expect DH to come home?

(10 Posts)
GiserableMitt Mon 15-Aug-11 12:04:43

He's been away over a month, although I have seen him in that time. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks, and the kids even longer.

I'm bored stiff at home and so are the kids. I live overseas, it's blisteringly hot, it's Ramadan so everything is closed (apart from supermarkets and some shops) and all bar one of my friends is overseas.

I've had a recent bereavement, can't sleep, have had a headache for weeks which the doctor I saw today diagnosed as stress-related and the kids are driving me crazy.

DH is many hours behind us and unreachable except in an emergency during his day so we don't get to speak a lot, we communicate mostly through emails.

I do have to admit to being a teensy bit pissed off that he's out every night until midnight at the earliest with the guys he's there with while I'm like a zombie because I CAN'T sleep, not because I'm out socialising. I know it doesn't really affect me but when he gets back he'll expect to crash for days because he's tired.

Upshot is he's supposed to be home on WEds. but told me a couple of days he might extend until sun to help some other guys out. Now it might be Fri but he's not sure.
I so want him home but would like him to figure this out for himself but as his work is soooo important to him I'm not sure he will.
AIBU to push him to come home (unless he's already delayed his flights back)?

minipie Mon 15-Aug-11 12:12:09

Does he know you are finding it difficult?

YANBU to let him know that you are really struggling and need his help. So he should take that into account when deciding how much the other guys really need him to stay.

GiserableMitt Mon 15-Aug-11 12:19:28

Yes, I was tears on the phone a few days ago. He knows how I feel and he knows the situation here.
I don't like to tell him to come home but I really would like him to weigh up where he should be, and hope the answer is home.

minipie Mon 15-Aug-11 13:13:14

I know exactly what you mean - you want him to make the decision himself rather than having to twist his arm into it. But tbh I think twisting his arm is better than not having him home at all. If I were you I would emphasise how miserable you are and how much it would mean if he came home - rather than "telling" him to come home IYSWIM. It's still arm twisting a bit but it leaves the final decision up to him. Tricky one.

mistressploppy Mon 15-Aug-11 13:18:51

It sounds like you're a very very understanding wife who is finally at the end of her rope. I don't think you'd be unreasonable at all to calmly explain that you're having a crap time and you'd really appreciate having him home asap.

I bet he doesn't really understand how hard it is for you - when you're away and all bound up with work and stuff, you forget. My DH goes away a fair bit too (although not for as long) and it's CRAP. You have my sympathy.

GiserableMitt Mon 15-Aug-11 13:26:59

We'll I'll just told him all the above, including that I do feel a bit pissed that I'm stuck looking at the same walls knwoing he's out having a great time.

and he's asked me to delay his flights home. so i guess i know where i stand.

mistressploppy Mon 15-Aug-11 13:35:38

Oh Giserable sad. Did he say why he felt he had to stay? Perhaps he is under pressure.

It's a horrible feeling, I'm so sorry.

GiserableMitt Mon 15-Aug-11 13:46:19

He always likes to do the right thing by work and not let them down. The words "Oh well, not too much longer, hang in there" made me want to puke.

But.....I've just tried to change his flights and been told it will cost a couple of hundred pounds to change so he's said no, he'll come home as originally planned. So while part of me is secretly happy he'll be home soon so I'd better get off my arse and get the housework done I'm also pretty angry that the deciding factor was cost and not my need for support.

mistressploppy Mon 15-Aug-11 13:48:22

That would make me angry too. Make sure you point this out to him as you hand him the kids and swan off on a jolly

GiserableMitt Mon 15-Aug-11 13:56:33

Oh yes.... wink

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