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To have told my friend that her behaviour was out of order?

(13 Posts)
AdrianMonk Sat 06-Aug-11 11:42:46

My friend is with an idiot of a partner - since they got together I've thought he was an idiot, and when she said is this normal behaviour I would say no it's because he's an idiot.

Anyway 5 years on she's now saying that he is an idiot and doesn't want to be with him. But she can't leave him as she doesn't want to hurt him.

She has now met a new man, and is going to commence an affair with him this week. I said to her that it was way out of order, and yes her partner is an idiot and nothing has changed on that fact, but he's still a human being, so she needs to leave him this weekend, and move on to new man, or shock horror be on her own.

The reason she doesn't want to leave now is in case it doesn't work out with new man, that to me is not a fair or right reason to not end first relationship.

Both men have young children, who both see her as in their father's lives (even the one who the affair (physical to commence this week, emotional been going on for months) is with).

Anyway she is now not speaking to me, as she wanted my backing to start the physical and I said no way, and no way was I helping to cover or anything.

AIBU to not be a friend in this instance as that is what she is accusing me of?

LineRunner Sat 06-Aug-11 11:46:56

I feel, to be blunt, that you are well off out of it.

Filibear Sat 06-Aug-11 11:47:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LDNmummy Sat 06-Aug-11 11:47:14

Maybe the reason she attracted an idiot partner in the first place is because she is a bit of an idiot herself?

I just feel sorry for the LO's involved.

LemonDifficult Sat 06-Aug-11 11:48:20

YANBU - stay away from now on!

Goodness she sounds awful. Avoid, avoid!

Mitmoo Sat 06-Aug-11 11:51:08

She's hopefully thinking about what you have said. Best not to get involved but be there for her when it all goes belly up.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Aug-11 11:53:49

If she asked for your advice and you gave it, that's fine.

But what she does with that advice is her own business.

She knows how you feel about it, so if you want to stay friends just ask her not to talk about it if you're uncomfortable.

Unless it's as LDN says and you're not bothered because she's a bit of an idiot herself.

bananasplitz Sat 06-Aug-11 11:54:05

whats it got to do with you?

LeoTheLateBloomer Sat 06-Aug-11 11:54:17

Stay well away. If you involve yourself you'll end up disliking and losing respect for her.

It sounds like she's going to do what she likes anyway. Chance are it will all end in tears and you need to make sure you can be there for her when that happens.

AdrianMonk Sat 06-Aug-11 11:57:53

She took me out to dinner last night, to get me on side.

It was a lovely meal grin.

She's not an idiot, she does have low self-esteem where men are concerned though.

We've know each other all our lives, and I am known for not doing pleasantries, i.e. I will say what I believe not what someone wants to hear.

Just think last night she wasn't expecting me to be anti her idea.

janelikesjam Sat 06-Aug-11 23:53:32

You could just say cooly (as you have) that you don't really agree with it and you don't want to be involved in it and leave it at that.

whether your friendship survives after that is something you don't have to think about now, just wait and see how things go. its not worth getting involved in her choice of partner. once you have said your piece once its best to forget about it and leave her to do what she wants.

she is busy with her lovers anyway and won't have much time to consider you ...

UselessForeskinHiddenSurgeon Sun 07-Aug-11 08:03:59

does she want a mate or just a yes man? show her your pimp arm and wait for the fallout.

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