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Don't know what to do.

(3 Posts)
nowheretogo Thu 04-Aug-11 10:50:43

I have not lived with my DS10's birth father since DS was 1. Birth father has "always"been able to see DS when ever he wanted or when ever DS wanted to see him. The problem is he has never been reliable and very often let DS down. I have always been there for DS to help him through those times and have always made excuses up for his father by saying "he probably couldnt get away from work" etc(even though I REALLY want to slag him off-I never have). He rarely rings DS-sometimes its 5 months at a time. DS knows he has always been allowed to ring him whenever he wants. The problem is now DS is older he's obviously noticing more that his father hasn't been in contact much and ds gets so upset about it and wants to know why he isnt staying in contact.He did actually tell his father that he was really upset 2weeks ago on a phonecall that my ds had made to him,and his father somehow got out of answering him about that! I never believed it was my place to stop his father seeing him even though I know what a shit he is,because I knew he would never physically harm him.But looking back now,Im worried that I should of carried on with the solicitor and "making"his father have regular contact.I just didnt think it was realistic to keep using a solicitor and also why should I "make"him see ds if he doesnt want to?I wanted to make him see ds for the sake of ds-not for his father.DS loves his father and has always made that clear.The last time ds spoke to his father he asked if he would come and see him,his father said yes and i'll ring you tomorrow,that was 3 weeks ago and virtually every other day ds says he hasnt rang me yet.I have told ds he can ring him and leave a message or txt but he's saying no he wants to see how long his dad leaves it for.I'm so annoyed and want to ring his father and leave a shite message asking how he can do this to ds knowing how upset he was the last time he spoke to him.but I think its probably the wrong thing to do and if he wants to stay out of ds life maybe I should just leave things to run the course?Im completely at a loss and dont know what to do.I obviously want to protect ds but dont know how to go about it now.

bubblesincoffee Thu 04-Aug-11 10:57:28

How horrible for you both sad

I think the only thing you can do is send an email or a text, just saying that ds is expecting his call and you would both appreciate it if he could find the time today to ring him. And would he mind not mentioning the message you have sent so that ds doesn't know that his Mum had has to ask his Dad to call him.

I would want to ring and give him hell too, but you know it won't help, and it would be likely to make him take even longer to phone.

If you just ask him nicely, however much it makes you skin crawl, you will be doing the best by ds and protecting him from as much hurt as possible.

nowheretogo Thu 04-Aug-11 11:08:49

Thanks Bubbles,It always ends in me having to do the chasing.Sometimes it works but sometimes it doesnt.And it was actually 3 weeks ago that ds last spoke to him upset(I wrote 2 weeks).I just keep thinking this has gone on for 9 years and like I say ds is noticing alot more now and getting more upset over it.My friends have said I can't force him to see ds and ds is better off without him(because he cant be bothered to stay in contact|) but I just want whats best for ds obviously.I just can't get my head round at all how someone can do this to their child hearing how upset they are and being told by them that they want them in their live and they love them.I'm filling up again now,it's so hard to know what to do for the best.but i think i will take your advice and send a txt.can't make things any worse can it.

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