AIBU to think that if you are good enough friends to go on a stag/hen night, you should be invited to, at least, the wedding reception?

[PotterWatch]

It isn't my wedding, but someone I know so I know it isn't anything to do with me at all but I was just wondering, and this does seem pretty wrong to me.

If you have hen and stag nights that require travelling away for a night or 2, taking time off work and as you are invited on these nights, you assume you are good friends, is it unreasonable to think that these people would at the very least be invited to the wedding reception?

I am going btw as it is family but I was talking to another family member recently and it turns out that there is hardly any friends at all of the couple invited, I think 8 between them but there were nearly 80 between them at the stag and hen nights!

I guess I was just a bit surprised.

[redskyatnight]

I had lots of people at my hen night I didn't invite to my wedding. And equally I've gone to hen nights where I wasn't invited to the wedding. Granted these were not of the going away variety though. I think work friends/very casual friends/friends of friends can be invited to hen/stag dos where you wouldn't invite them to the wedding.

[KittyBump]

yanbu, it does seem odd to be invited to the run up to the wedding and not the wedding itself, but... 80 friends!! I don't have anywhere near 80 friends and if I did I couldn't afford to invite them all to my wedding so perhaps that is why they aren't invited.

[notso]

DH is always going on stag weekends and quite often we don't go to the weddings, sometimes the evening receptions.

What seems to happen with weddings is you have to invite loads of random relations who you never see over actual friends who you see all the time. DH invited lots of work and football friends to his stag, he gets on with them socially but not well enough to watch us say our vows, they are more the fun for a piss up kind of friends.

[InstantAtom]

YANBU. The wedding is the main occasion, not the stag/hen party. A bit like giving someone a starter and then going on to have dinner and pudding with your real friends.

[redexpat]

I dropped a friend because of this. Got an invite to the hen night which I declined but couldn't afford. Sent v apologetic mail explaining and got an email invitation to the church at 930pm the night before.

[stabiliser15]

YANBU. Always find it odd when this happens, especially given how much the friend expects to be spent on a hen/stag do.

[scarletfingernail]

YANBU DH was invited on and went on a 2 night weekender away for a stag do which cost a small fortune.

He paid the deposit and told the stag he'd go and we then got an evening reception invite. We were both a bit annoyed. Just felt a bit cheeky to ask people to spend a lot of money and time on a weekend away that they wouldn't be going on otherwise. If it had been a night out or a day out we wouldn't have minded. We were just annoyed that this massive deal had been made out of the stag do "would really love it if you could come, want all my mates there" etc and then we weren't even invited to the actual wedding. It was a big wedding btw.

I once went on a 3 night away hen do abroad which again cost a small fortune. Hardly any of the bride's friends went citing cost, even the bridesmaids. I was then really annoyed when my invitation to the wedding came through where I was invited all day and DH to the evening only. WTF? Again, another big wedding.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

I think that's very odd. The only situation that'd make sense would be if the couple had a very, very small wedding - my brother had about 12 people at his wedding and more before, but otherwise it just seems very rude to me!

[jeckadeck]

YANBU, I think its quite rude, in fact. I think quite a lot of people treat stag/hen dos as an excuse for self-indulgence/pampering/a giant piss-up at other people's expense. Its a recipe for huge resentment.