aggghhhh - want to vent, but will try to keep it brief.
My Mum has a hard time - she's a carer for my Dad who's paralysed although they get 5 visits a day from SS and she still works.
As a result I always travel there to see them, about once a week, takes 1 hr 15 driving. I always take my two DDs aged 15mths and 4yrs.
It's been planned for ages that this week I'm going tomorrow and staying the night. I don't actually like doing this much - the DDs never sleep well there, it's totally exhausting. I'm totally snowed under with work stuff I should be doing at home.
But still, my Mum and Dad have hard lives etc I'm happy to do it to see them and for them to see the kids.
Tonight my Mum rings to say that she's going out to see friends tomorrow night but that 'that's fine isn't it?' I dutifully reply 'yes of course!' But actually I'm really pissed off. If she made the effort to travel 70miles to see me I would never arrange to meet friends - I mean isn't it just really rude? And odd???
She sees these friends every week - I often forgo seeing friends of mine to arrange visits to hers. I wish I could tell her how I feel but our relationship seems to work on the basis that everything is so much harder for her (and in truth, it probably is) that I cannot make any demands at all or voice anything other than support. If I do otherwise the hurt vibes I get are unbearable.
TBH it must be really hard for your mum living with a man who is paralysed, so I really wouldn't punish her for wanting to go out with her friends. She needs a chance to get out and have a breather. Go and be there for your dad and make your mum a nice cup of tea and have a chat when she gets back in.
It is really hard for her michglas and she is pretty amazing. But she does see these friends every week. She also travels to London to see friends for the day but never me. Probably because I always go to see her.
I don't mean to sound so harsh but honestly put yourself in her shoes, how hard her life must be. She works, she comes home to a man that isn't the same person she fell in love with - she really does deserve to have a life.
Fair enough - it's good to hear the opinions and it does put it in perspective. But I feel like I want her to be my Mum and offer support with the DDs but it's been a total role reversal since my Dad got ill to be honest. I'm a counsellor for all her angst and I don't have anyone to talk to myself. I grieve for my Dad too and how he's changed. I'm not a fucking saint and sometimes it's too much.
I don't blame her for wanting to get out at all and for wanting me to 'babysit' my Dad. But in 4yrs since having DD1 she has never baby sat the DDs so that me and DH could go out. We literally NEVER go out. A bit of give and take would be nice. I do love her though. And I know i don't really know what her life's been like for the last 20yrs since he got ill.