hi, my DD (3) has SN, and her nursery seem to be letting her get away with things, like not sharing, taking turns or other social skills, because a) they like a quiet life, (she'll tantrum if she's told no), and b) she's "a character" and they're "all fond of her". I believe that she will learn these things with consistency and perseverance, and ATM they don't seem to be supporting what we do at home with her, as a result we are struggling with her behaviour at home because she has not consistency. I also believe that in being like this with her will make the other children resent her because she is treated differently and gets away with even the most basic things. AIBU to be annoyed by this and think that they are not doing her any favours? Or am I over reacting?
Giyadas no I haven't, I only found out today for sure when I went in and stayed to observe and spoke to slylyquizzed the staff. I was talking to 1 member of staff and dd was in another area with another worker.
DD tends to the affectionate over friendly side iykwim, but I'm sure there's a point where they have to be "professional".
Think it's too close to end of term now to say/do anything now. Definitely will in September when we have a meeting.
flisspaps I know that they have to provide her with the same opportunities, and to do this they have to use signalong with her so she can fully understand the rules. Or put them in a way that she can understand.
But to not at least try to get her to follow the rules, for whatever reason, has really irked me.
bubblesincoffee example- all children playing out, rule of only 4 kids on the climbing frame at one time, 4 children on climbing frame, and others waiting, dd goes over and gets on, they take another child off, saying just let dd have a go. They didn't do this for any other child. Just dd.
And whilst there's a point of, "Yeah I'm really pleased she's getting a go," I was slightly annoyed that they are making the other children resentful of her. And dd is learning she always gets what she wants.
They are not doing her any favours at all, the nursery my friends AS boy went to did this and as a result he learned no social skills at all and remained non verbal, he had a rude shock when he transferred to reception, he did learnt o speak but his social skills were about 2 years behind by then and he has never caught up. He still has no friends.
Your DD might be slow to learn social skills but she must be taught.
Hmm, flisspaps, I like that idea. Will go write it down so I don't forget by September. Can I use that argument if I am also asking them to treat her differently (use signalong)? Although IMO they should use that with all children.
What I'm trying to say I suppose is that it's not about what you actually think (they're not teaching her to go by the rules which is causing issues with her behaviour at home), it's about wording your complaint/concerns in a way which will get them to think about and change what they're doing.
This is because what affects you at home isn't necessarily going to make them change their ways. But something which might appear to contravene the setting's Equality Policy or Disability Policy (they'll have something along those lines) just might
As a mum of two with ASD and SN I will say put the rules in place now whilst they're small enough to handle, I know many parents who's lives are ruled by kids who simply haven't been told no just because it's easier at the time.