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AIBU?

To suggest sil not come and stay too

20 replies

BulstrodeTheApatosaurus · 15/07/2011 00:01

Hi!
Not sure if i am beimg unreaaonable as my sil often irritates me for no real definable reason. I think we are just wired differently. Sil & most of dh's family live about 5 hours drive from us. We see them about 3-4 times a year and Mil about 6-7. Sil has just had her second baby (lovely lovely) & my other sil has just had one too so we are planning to visit. When we visit we stay with the mil so she can see the two DSs & because she likes the company. Sil emailed me today to say 'let me know when you come & i will come & stay too'.
I do not want her to come and stay too as 1. She is an hour away so mil always sees her kids. 2. Mil dotes on her little boy and he is quite possessive of her & the house as he often comes to stay there for a few days with Mil 3.We no longer have a travel cot so i will have to go to the bother of packing & sorting additional child sleeping things instead of relying on Mil's things (bought after sil had her kids).
Basically i'd like my kids to have some time with their granny without their cousins being there & deal with the fighting and bitching of two two year olds over lego & cars.
Unreasonable... Ah probably... Bahhhhh

OP posts:

Report

springydaffs · 15/07/2011 00:05

No, not unreasonable - YANBU, in short.

You want your mummy to yourself. That's not unreasonable.

BulstrodeTheApatosaurus · 15/07/2011 00:06

Ahh is not my mother is dh's mother! Thank you though!

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Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:07

I agree with you, how annoying. Whatever can you do though.

springydaffs · 15/07/2011 00:11

oh. sorry. hmm not a lot you can do about it then

though, is MIL her MIL too? or her mum.

[go and read the OP springy]

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 00:13

I can sort of see both sides. Would it not be nice for the cousins to get to know each other too, and presumably she wants to see her brother too.

Could you arrange to go up a couple of days before she arrives, so you can get a bit of exclusive time with your MIL.

BulstrodeTheApatosaurus · 15/07/2011 00:13

Just glad someone read this! Is her mother & my Dh's mother. Sil is youngest so mil's favourite often to the great irritation of my dh.

OP posts:

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:15

Tell her the wrong date of your arrival. Get a day or two in first.

BulstrodeTheApatosaurus · 15/07/2011 00:22

I love you all!!
Have hatched plan with Dh. We will go doen one day before sil (possibly through deception) and let kids hae time with mil. Suggest sil comes later the next day and then leave the day after that.
So kids will only fight for a day & we will get the resident travel cot. Wahoo!

OP posts:

zipzap · 15/07/2011 00:29

Male sure that she doesn't try to come early too and think that she'll get there a day early so she can have the cot!

Can you spin a story to your mil so that she will make sure she doesn't come until you want her to? Or will she respect your wishes and not have sil there for whole visit if you say so?

Think youhave come up with a nice compromise, not sure I'd have been quite so charitable in the circumstance...

Gooseberrybushes · 15/07/2011 00:32

will your mil not melt when you say "oh the children want you all to themselves"? leverage here surely

snippywoo2 · 15/07/2011 01:12

What is it with people that they can not say what they want? Just tell your sil that you and dh want to spend a couple of days with mum/mil before she comes along because your kids would like to spend a couple of days on their own with their nan, as they don't see her very often. That's not unreasonable surely. No need for spin stories etc, it's a perfectly reasonable request and I'm sure your sil will understand although she sounds like she is really excited to see you all. I get the feeling that you think your mil is closer to your sil kids than yours and I can understand that as she doesn't see yours as much but I don't think you can blame her for that tbh. Sorry if Ive got the wrong end of the stick.

BulstrodeTheApatosaurus · 15/07/2011 01:54

Oh you're quite right but these are my in laws. Not aiming to upset anyone just to play at making everyone happy.

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/07/2011 04:01

Fuck the resident travel cot!

Scrape your pennies together, buy your own super-duper de luxe state of tthe art all whistles & bells travel cot, and let sil eat her little heart out.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 04:19

YANBU.
Don't let her know when you're coming.
Do mention to your MIL that you and your DSs are so looking forward to getting some time with her alone.

You don't need to keep your SIL happy by letting her barge in on your stay. If she is only an hour away then she doesn't need to come and stay, not really. She can come over while you're there, maybe stay overnight for convenience, allowing the cousins to get some time together - but that's all that's required, really.

Good luck! Hope soft-soaping the MIL works for you. :)

differentnameforthis · 15/07/2011 04:49

I'm not sure you can stop a daughter visiting her mother, tbh!

YABU to try. After all, it is as much her mum as it is your dh's.

ZonkedOut · 15/07/2011 05:31

I can understand your issues, but I also think that long term it would be nice for your DSs to get to know their cousins too, especially if they're about the same age
If your SIL does stay, try to make the most of it rather than resenting it.

And why not try to "book" the cot beforehand, on the grounds that you have a longer trip and can't spare the space, it shouldn't be just first come, first served.

Ozziegirly · 15/07/2011 06:08

I can totally sympathise - I am in a slightly similar situation. We live in Australia and both sets of parents live in the UK. My parents come over once a year for a month. This year we are having DS baptised and so both sets of parents are coinciding a visit with that (this was planned) but now DH's parents have announced that they are coming for 2 months, one of which totally overlaps with my parent's visit.

I know it's going to cause problems as I want some time for my DS (and me) to spend with my parents but my inlaws will want to come round every day (also kind of understandable as they have come all the way from the UK.

I get on with them all well, but just want to be able to have some time with my parents.

sigh

I just wish they had asked me when would be a good time to come as it could have worked so they had an overlap of about a week, which would have been nice and jolly instead of a whole month.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 06:28

Ozziegirly, where are you? Can you not persuade your ILs to go on a bit of a road-trip while your parents are here as well? 2m is an awfully long time to spend in one place. Have they booked already then? you can't get them to alter dates at all?

That would seriously tick me off as well (although no chance of it happening to me as MIL lives here and Dad is most unlikely to ever get over here from the UK, sadly)

Ozziegirly · 15/07/2011 06:38

Hi Thumbs. We're in Sydney. Yes, there is the possibility of them going away for a few days as MIL sister lives in Brisbane. They would think nothing of staying for 2 months though as to be brutally honest, where we live is a lot nicer than where they live! (only in terms of the fact that it's warm and sunny, in a nice city with loads of stuff to do and with their beloved grandchild).

I am a bit hacked off but I know that it's only done out of a genuine love and desire to see their grandchild and they probably didn't stop to think that I only get to see my parents once a year, twice if I'm lucky, and that I might want some time with them.

They arrived last year 2 1/2 weeks after DS was born, we were moving house and they would arrive every day, every day while DH was at work at a new job so couldn't take any time off.

So, on the bright side, at least it will be better than that.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 06:55

Ozzie, I think you're just going to have to be up-front and tell them. If they're well-meaning but thoughtless people, then they will probably agree to go off for a couple of weeks after the baptism, maybe up to Brisbane (which, lets face it, is generally warmer than Sydney and has some cool stuff too!) Then they come back for the last week with you and your parents (by which time you've had them for 2 weeks to yourself), get another "fix" of their DGS, and then bugger off home. Suggest it. Fairly forcefully.

Do they get on with your parents? not that that makes any real difference, it makes perfect sense to want time with your parents on your own.

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