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AIBU?

to not go on holiday on Tuesday?

19 replies

Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 01:21

I've just come back from a 3 day break with my family, and it was awful.

My h did nothing to help anyone else, and was just selfishly thinking of himself.

My d (15) was rude, obnoxious, face like a sucked lemon, just picked a fight with anyone.

My ds (10) was trying to be peace maker, but in fairness all he said in the end was 'I'm glad to be going home later today'.

On Tuesday we are meant to be going away for a week - my h and d blame me and say it's my fault that they behave the way they did.

So AIBU to say fine I'll stay behind, and they go without me? The only one I feel for in this sorry mess is my son. If it wasn't for me I wouldn't even be asking here if I am being unreasonable, but I don't want him to feel torn.

OP posts:

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Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 01:22

Should have checked if it wasn't for him

OP posts:

ll31 · 10/07/2011 01:25

I think u should go, for ur son if no one else.. who will prob be upset if u don't go.. yep its easy offering advice when u know none of circs -he sounds lovely tho!

madhattershouse · 10/07/2011 01:26

YANBU sounds like d is being a true teenager and h can't deal with it. Peacemakers never have much fun at these moments.

Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 01:29

The prob is h and d use ds as the pawn - i.e. they behave atrociously and when I said on Saturday that's it, we are calling quits, they said 'oh you can't do that to ds that is so unfair on him'.

And they are right - he ends up being punished by their behaviour.

OK what I really want to do is leave my h and d at home, and take my ds on holiday.

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/07/2011 01:45

Where are you going, and does your dh have the tickets is it feasible for you to go with just your ds?

Also, how come you are being made responsible for your dh and dd's behaviour? Do you inciite, encourage, or turn a blind eye to, their unreasonableness?

kayah · 10/07/2011 02:04

Why don't you go and do outings with your son, without dh and dd?

Even if that means extra money for hiring separate car for that it can't be bad to be spending time with him and not with other two.

Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 02:10

Going abroad - I have all tickets booking is in my name.

I react to d's behaviour, i.e. when she is rude, I'll tell her off, if you ignore her verbal abuse she becomes physically abusive normally on her poor brother.

I request (politely) help from h other things like getting ready for the day out, he'll walk off and not do anything, so I don't do anything, my ds starts getting everything organised, when h comes back from strop, he then has a go at me not being ready, I say why should I get the stuff ready if he can't be bothered to help - placid ds picks up the bags and says 'it's fine I've got it all ready'.

It's awful.

I wish I could do the outings, but we are going AI, and I have no spare cash.

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adelaidegirl · 10/07/2011 03:34

Tell them they are not coming as a punishment for their recent behaviour and take your DS. Or just don't spend any time with them- go and do the included activities with your son and tell them they can come too if they are pleasant!

hairfullofsnakes · 10/07/2011 04:26

Your d physically attacks your ds?! Why?! I seriously think you and ds should leave her and husband behind and go on your own! Your poor ds! He sounds so so lovely! What do you do when your d attacks her poor brother?!

If you can't go on the holiday without them maybe just boycott it and go out on day trips with ds. Show your h and d that you have had enough of their stupid behaviour and you won't put up with it. Why is your h so unhelpful? Is this indicative of your marriage?

LaurieFairyCake · 10/07/2011 07:02

Unless you're going to stay and organise a divorce (which I would as your dh blames you and wants you not come on holiday and doesn't contribute to family life) then you have to go on holiday for ds's sake.

I suggest you go out for the day with him alone, and that everyone is responsible for bringing their own stuff. I also suggest you share a room with ds to prevent your daughter hitting him.

At some point you need to address your relationship with your daughter as it's clear you prefer ds.

wigglesrock · 10/07/2011 07:17

Your daughter is being 15, a face like a sucked lemon is what she's supposed to look like. My mum and dad took my sister and I away when we were 14 and 16 - fun times . I'm a bit confused as to what "organisation" you need for days out, your children aren't babies, do you not just chuck some suncream and water in a bag and go?

Is you daughter verbally abusive or is she just stroppy? and when you say physically abusive - is she thumping him, slapping him or giving him a quick kick up the bum when you're not looking. 10 year olds can be horribly obnoxious, and you do seem to speak of your daughter and son in quite different terms.

You do have my sympathy, my sister was a pain in the arse at that age and I was always placating/being a peacemaker but looking back I was very "worthy" and a tad pious.

exoticfruits · 10/07/2011 07:23

I would just plan with ds what you are going to do and get on with it each day-tell the other 2 they can join in if they want and leave it up to them.

ivykaty44 · 10/07/2011 07:31

sit them both down and talk about what went wrong on the holiday - but to start with tell them they can't just blame soemone else for their behaviour - after all it was their behaviour.

Talk about what you want form the holiday and what you think you can all do to enjoy the holiday.

Suggest before the talk they write a few notes down so they can coem to the talk fully prepared.

keep talking and keep communicating as to what you want and what you expect from each other.

Don't feel you all have to go out together in the days - your dd may be better staying in bed and you and ds going out doing your own thing and your dh doing soemthing else - don't conform to what you think you should do but do what will work for you as a family

Animation · 10/07/2011 08:20

Youe DH is an adult... but is being a child. I'm not sure what you can do about that. But that seems to be your first problem.

Your son acts more like the adult ...but he is a child.

Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 10:37

Physical to brother in as much as she'll push him over, give him a dead arm, swipe at him.

You hear an 'ouch' from him (he doesn't complain) I'll say to d 'walk this side, fine you are not talking to me, but just leave your brother alone' she'll storm off in another direction and my ds will respond 'it's alright mum it doesn't hurt that much.'

Yes I admit I like my ds a lot more than my d - I love them both dearly, but at this time she is making liking her very difficult to do, where as my s is very thoughtful and considerate to all.

I will sit down and have a chat with them both.

H says if I didn't talk to d all would be fine and it is my fault for even trying to engage being nice to her - seriously that's his solution, that I shouldn't communicate with her at all and then there would be no problem.

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HairyGrotter · 10/07/2011 10:42

I'd still go on holiday but just spend the time with DS and enjoy it. Explain to the others that when they are being unreasonable, you don't wish to be around them.

I was a HORROR as teenage daughter, face liked a sucked lemon didn't even come close to what I put my 'rents through, my mum used to say 'I love you, but I don't like you', and she would not engage with me when I was having a teenage moment.

Seriously, go spend some lush time with your on before he turns into a teenager.

Holidaystress · 10/07/2011 10:45

Oh don't tell me he will turn - is there anything I can do to prevent the inevitable???

Thank you all - I will go, I will enjoy myself, I will do stuff with ds, and if d and h chose to join us with fun then they can.

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Animation · 10/07/2011 10:57

With you daughter I personally think you need to take her on - you're too passive with her. Engage with her properly. She still needs you.

HerHissyness · 10/07/2011 11:17

Think you need to be sitting this pair down and read them the individual riot acts!

Your poor DS. Of course he will flip out at your D one day, and she will SO deserve it.

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