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To plead here for some advice

(42 Posts)
lilcherrypie Mon 04-Jul-11 15:42:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

craftynclothy Mon 04-Jul-11 15:49:32

Could you look for a job that was mainly nights/evenings/weekends so you don't need too much in the way of childcare? Make sure you don't sell yourself short - raising children gives you lots of skills employers are looking for (time management, organisation, communication)

Perhaps also your dh could look for jobs in other areas - surely running his own business he has lots of transferable skills?

Fingers crossed something turns up soon. Dh was almost made redundant a couple of years ago and I was a SAHM with a young baby and toddler and we have no family near by for free childcare and it all looked a bit bleak. Then a new role came up and one of the interviews he's gone to was successful (he ended up better off). I really hope that things turn round for you too.

WhoAteMySnickers Mon 04-Jul-11 15:51:05

I think you need to get some proper advice from the CAB, they'll be able to tell you what you are entitled to in terms of benefits, etc, and how to handle the situation. Please don't put your head in the sand, as much as I'm sure you want to.

IWantWine Mon 04-Jul-11 15:55:14

I am sorry if I am way off the mark here, but.... what qualifications do you have to have, or what standards do you have to meet to be a child minder? Could you do that?

IWantWine Mon 04-Jul-11 15:57:34

I am in dire straights here at home myself, financially, for a totally different reason. I managed to get a job as a carer and as I work locally to where I live I can do my calls on foot. If you could do that, it may be possible to get weekend and evening calls when your DH can be home to look after your DC.

Xiaoxiong Mon 04-Jul-11 15:59:43

On top of the good advice you'll get from others here, I'd say keep looking for work. This jumped out at me in your OP: I haven’t been offered any interviews and have been out of work for a few years now with the kids so might not be every employers first choice.

Make sure you don't give up, keep at it, apply for everything that comes up that could be even vaguely related and make sure you're in it for the long haul. It's tough out there and I have heard of people sending out hundreds of applications, getting one interview but getting that job. My SIL just went through job applications for primary school teaching - it took her a year of applying to EVERYTHING that came up and she only got 2 interviews out of dozens of applications but after one of those interviews she was offered the job.

It takes time and effort to get every application out there, proofread and tailored to the position but it only takes one of those applications to work out, it's 99% perspiration - you'll get there smile

Selks Mon 04-Jul-11 16:00:55

Before you make any decision about selling the house, go and see a debt adviser (a good one - through somewhere like CAB if possible; beware of companies posing as debt advice but wanting to sell products). Make this an absolute priority, and do it before you reach the end of your savings.
It may be that you can negotiate with the mortgage company to go 'interest only' or have a payment gap for a few months. There is a good chance that you'll be able to keep the house one way or another - don't be hasty in selling up.

GreenEyesandHam Mon 04-Jul-11 16:04:06

I'm sure you'll get lots of good, solid practical advise (of which I have none really) but just wanted to wish you luck. It must be a very worrying time.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 04-Jul-11 16:06:04

Hey, firstly, it is a 'real problem' - having food and shelter for your DCs is a mega priority, so don't feel like you shouldn't ask for help!!

One thing occurs: if you are in a desirable part of the country housing-wise, can you rent your house out and rent somewhere smaller for you lot?

Hardly an expert on this, but I understand that with the recent economic turmoil, lots more people are looking to rent as they are on short-term contracts, don't have equity for a mortgage etc. Have you explored this option?

You can find somewhere to rent quite quickly: I recently had to relocated in the South and found a place within 48 hours - my DSis1, in London, the same - so the rental market moves quite fast. Bet if your place is in a commuter belt you could rent it out.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 04-Jul-11 16:08:45

The other thing is, make a list of what expenses you absolutely, absolutely have to pay out each month. Then see if your getting a minimum-wage job at nights or similar would even come close to meeting them.

I am an academic, in a field where it takes simply ages to get a job because it's so competitive. Recently, I had a contract about to run out and just didn't know if I would get another one. I figured out that between DP's savings and my working 6 long night-shifts in a bar, I could, if necessary, save us from getting into debt.

A grim prospect, certainly, but it made me feel better to know that I could support myself if I really needed to this way.

aliceliddell Mon 04-Jul-11 16:11:21

Go to the CAB. Your building soc might let you take a break on the mortgage. You should be eligible for some benefits, not sure what. You need some practical advice. Don't panic, there are loads of people in your position. With the right advice you will make it through. Do it ASAP, you'll feel so much better once you have a plan.

feckwit Mon 04-Jul-11 16:11:28

If he has lost so many contracts and your salary is drastically down then you must be eligible for tax credits surely? You MUST apply for them as that would really help, that and child benefit. Nobody should be having to skip meals...

oohjarWhatsit Mon 04-Jul-11 16:11:51

you poor thing, what a nightmare sad

lilcherrypie Mon 04-Jul-11 16:49:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Mon 04-Jul-11 16:54:43

You mention that you have family but they don't live locally. Can you ask an understanding P or PIL if they can give you a bridging loan to keep you afloat for a couple of months whilst you're looking for a job?

oohjarWhatsit Mon 04-Jul-11 16:56:45

how about temping/agency work?

get in quick though because the uni/college people will all be looking soon as well sad

YellowDinosaur Mon 04-Jul-11 17:00:47

Please don't feel silly for asking for help about this. Honestly, being in your situation would absolutely terrify me. While you do have your health, a serious health problem is about the only thing for me that would be worse than worrying about losing your childrens home and worrying about how you are even going to feed them. Giving you a big un-mumsnet hug xxx

I have no personal advice I can give but I would second getting some proper practical advice from CAB. I would also ask why you can't tell anyone irl? Obviously I don't know your circumstances re family / friends but fastforward 20 years and imagine your dcs in this situation not feeling about to tell you. I am sure you would be horrified. Its not about telling people because you are tapping them up for money, its about asking for support from those who love and care for you who you would want to be able to support in the reverse situation.

Good luck xxx

dreamingbohemian Mon 04-Jul-11 17:05:08

I wish I could offer more advice, the only thing I can give is a bit of reassurance with Tax Credits -- I know a lot of people have had bad experiences, but we found them very easy to deal with, even though (for various reasons) in the last year our income varied hugely. We would just call up and explain the new circumstances, they would send us a new benefits letter, it was all pretty simple, so don't let the fear of bureaucracy scare you off. Just be sure to read the letters carefully.

Otherwise I second the advice to rent out your home, is that possible?

lilcherrypie Mon 04-Jul-11 17:55:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

M0naLisa Mon 04-Jul-11 18:01:48

i woulod get signed on, dont know about housing benefit for mortgage but im sure you can still apply for housing allowance c/tax allowance. Ring tax credits.

Terraviva Mon 04-Jul-11 18:16:40

Oh love, what an awful awful time for you and your family. Don't be scared about talking to your GP. Employers don't have access to your medical records so it won't impact your job search at all. Feeling down (a massive understatement I know) is completely normal reaction to an incredibly stressful situation.

Have a look at It has loads of great practical tips and tools for stretching your money.

Check here to see what benefits you're entitled too Checker

Terraviva Mon 04-Jul-11 18:17:34

That last link didn't work - again

Terraviva Mon 04-Jul-11 18:18:25

And again!!

Terraviva Mon 04-Jul-11 18:36:19

Talk to your bank / building society about the problems you're having. See if you can take a repayment holiday for a couple of months, or switch to just paying off the interest for a few months.

I'm not surprised it's putting your relationship under such strain. Your poor DH, this must be hitting him so hard and as you know you just have to keep reassuring him that he isn't a failure. Can you explain that you're applying to both part-time and full-time work because there are so few jobs out there, you want to cover all your bases? The process of finding a job takes time, and you might as well start the ball rolling now - not because you don't believe he's going to turn it round, but because the country is in a serious recession... something like that anyway?!

Best of luck - I know it's hard keeping your chin up when it feels like all is crumbling around you. If you and your DH keep working together as a team you'll get through it though. Keep letting him know how proud of him you are, because his pride is hurting so much. It's understandable, but it will cause more damage if he keeps letting it get in the way - ie, by not wanting you to look for full-time work. Hope I'm not talking out of turn and giving unwanted relationship advice when you're after more practical suggestions... It's just that I can just imagine how hard it must be if he's keeping a brave face in public, and letting that mask slip at home. It's not fair on you to be baring the brunt of all his frustrations, if he then won't let you contribute to finding a solution.

I know it's not the 'done' thing on MN, but have a {{{{{HUG}}}}} from me smile

Allinabinbag Mon 04-Jul-11 18:49:56

I think you need to get as much help as possible of a practical sort to see you through.

I would contact the mortgate company immediately and ask if there is a possibility of a mortgate holiday of a few months, or if you can drop to interest only for a short time. If you don't get work, I think you can get some interest payments for mortgages, however I think this is harder than getting housing benefit so I would seek advice from government benefits advisors and the CAB (I would not just go to the CAB, it can take ages to get an advisor, you sound a very together if desperate lady so start calling these people yourself)

I would also get child tax credits, on such a low income, you should be getting quite a bit. I think it's time for you to take control of this, I can understand your husband is really sinking, but you will feel a hell of a lot better if you can come up with a plan to survive this. YOu will get quite a lot of benefits, not a lot in terms of money, but enough for you to eat, there's no reason to be like this.

It can be very very hard to cope with this as a couple, and your husband sounds angry and frustrated and perhaps depressed about the fact he worked so hard and did so well and now has nothing. But try to focus on getting practical help and working out a plan together, that's the best way of helping your marriage survive.

You will be ok, children do adapt, mine had to move suddenly due to difficult financial circumstances but it was fine, and I now sleep a hell of a lot better at night than when paying a huge mortgage and watching us sinking. Hope it goes ok for you.

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