aibu to be gutted?(22 Posts)
I recently moved away from my home town, and miss my family terribly.
Family are having a get together tomorrow, which I was intending on going back down for, and have been really looking forward to.
However, I had to go to the doctors yesterday as I've been feeling dizzy and sick, and he diagnosed labyrthnitis, which is basically an inflamed inner ear which might have been caused by a viral infection, or a cold, or something similar.
Now, someone in my family is a few months pregnant. Obviously I don't want to do anything to put her or the baby at risk, so I asked my doctor about it - he said it wasn't contagious, and in any case, there was no evidence that it was harmful for the baby if mum caught it.
I let the pregnant family member know to see what she said - she said as it's not contagious totally fine.
However, another member of the family has said they think I should stay away to be on the safe side, and I now feel like I can't go, as I don't want people to look at me badly and think I'm putting anyone at risk by going.
I am sooo gutted, I am actually in fits of tears. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I am not wanted and that it is really unfair as the DOCTOR said it was fine, and everything I've looked at online said it is fine, and pregnant family member said it is fine, but I can't go now because I know there will be at least 1 person there thinking I am being selfish and that I shouldn't be there.
YANBU - it ISNT contagious and you should go!!!!! Dont let some one elses ignorance ruin your plans - Go (if you feel well enough)
Doc says it's not contagious, pregnant lady fine with it - nobody else's business. Go!
agreed, if doc has cleared you as no risk, the mum-to-be is cool, it's no-one else's business!
You poor thing! Sounds horrible.
During one of my most 'up yours' moments, I'd go regardless of this other family member. Make a point of fussing over pregnant lady and letting everyone see that she knows you're not contagious.
But I know, like you, I'd be constantly wondering who in the room would rather I wasn't there.
And, to be honest, do you really want to travel while you're feeling so rough?
Why not arrange another weekend, soon, where you can go and get to be the centre of attention because you missed out on this ocassion. Invite all the family over to your folks' (or wherever you're staying) and say how sad you were that you missed the ocassion at end of June.
Yes, Labrynthitis is horrid, and probably compounding your homesickness too. If GP and pregnant person say yes, then go and enjoy being in the bosom of your family.
[get well soon]
much sympathy, if you are up to it you should go it is not contagious. I had it when dd2 was a baby and it was the most horrible illness ever, hope you feel better soon.
Thanks everyone. Feeling very hard done by right now, but I do think it is partly because I am so homesick, and was so looking forward to seeing everyone.
With regards to going anyway... I would find it very difficult as family member in question is of an older generation to me and the pregnant family member, and I would feel disrespectful by going against what they have said, if that makes sense?
As for arranging to see them another time, yes, I will be able to see them over the summer, but it is hard to get everyone together all at one time, and this is a bit of a celebration rather than a general get together.
I guess I feel like I am missing out on lots of family stuff because I've moved, and now I have to miss out the one time I CAN make something, because people are being overly cautious...
Hmm see the issue but totally think you should go. Older family friend is just being plain unreasonable. No need to pander to unreasonable views just because they might take offence.
Could you pretend that you asked the pg lady and the doctor AFTER the older generation lady had expressed her view?
You could say something along the lines of "Oh well yes Aunt Mildred I know you said stay away, but then I asked the doctor and Mrs Pregnant, and they both said it was fine, so naturally I presumed you wouldn't have an issue with me coming in those circumstances. <winning smile>"
Maybe... Will talk to DP and Mum about it later. Mum has already said I should do what I think is right, but understands my concerns re other family members...
Just feel like whatever I do will be the wrong decision here. sniff
At least I can walk without wanting to be sick today. Progress.
Could you get the pregnant person to explain to the older family member that she's absolutely fine with it and happy that there's not risk to her or the baby (or anyone else at the party)?
which tabs did the GP give you? I had stematil which took about 2-3 days to really kick in and stop the nausea
because people are being overly cautious...
One older generation family member may being overly cautious but others are not, and are probably longing to see you just as much as you are pining to see them.
Act on mini's diplomatic suggestion, and flash the unreasonable one a winning
You poor thing - I've had it twice and it really knocks you sideways doesn't it - sometimes literally!
I agree with everyone else - it is not contagious so there is no reason for you to miss out, however do be careful travelling long distances as it may well make you feel a lot worse!
Another alternative is just to pretend it's completely cleared up and you went back to the doctor this evening and they gave you the all clear. White lie... (As long as the pg woman knows the truth of course)
I agree you should go if you can manage it. You can always say "I was worried too about Mrs Pregnant, but I've checked with the doctor and it's fine. Surprising isn't it". Even if you don't say it to your interfering relative, I'd say it to other people whilst she's in ear shot.
I think you should definitely go if you feel up to it. Ignore the ignorant opinion of whoever it was that said that to you, and have a lovely time.
But you can go.
Why are you respecting the wishes of someone you know is blatantly wrong.
I understand respect for the older generation, but that doesn't mean that they can use misinformation to dictate what you do.
I think it would be very weak of you not to go because of this, and it would be unfair on the people that are presumably looking forward to seeing you. Don't their feelings count?
Could you not ask pregnant lady to have a word with whoever it is who is saying you shouldn't go? As she has no objections then it seems totally outrageous for this other family member (you don't say how this person is related to you so not sure if its close enough that you can't afford to alienate them) to be unilaterally deciding you should stay away going against medical advice. To be honest if it was me I'd probably go anyway and hang what they think, and I think you'd be well within your rights to do so, but if maintaining good relations is important then a public go-ahead from pregnant lady might help... could you ask her to do a bit of diplomacy?
I have decided that I am going to go, and if anyone mentions anything I will explain that I specifically asked my doctor if it would be okay, and he said it would be fine.
Thanks again for making me brave!
I've had it numerous time and it's not infectious
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