AIBU to believe my darling offspring didn't do anything (much) wrong?

[namechangedbutnotatrollhonest]

Have namechanged for this as have been ranting incessantly may have mentioned it in real life and don't want to be identified.

So... took DS1 (nearly 5) and DS2 (1) to a local museum. They're in an "interactive" bit for preschoolers, pottering around exploring things, but the whole place is hideously overcrowded. All of a sudden what looks like an entire class of schoolkids turns up, at which point it becomes unbearable and we decide to leave.

I turn my back to wrestle DS2 into his pushchair, and when I turn back, another mother is making a bit of a scene, very loudly telling her daughter (aged 2 or 3) to stay away from DS1 because, "He's just vile".

She walks past me with her nose in the air (really ? I don't think I've ever actually seen someone do this before), and I say, "Oh my God ? what's happened?" I get a rant back about how my son's been "vile" to her daughter and we've ruined her entire day. But she doesn't actually tell me what he's done, so I ask again. She bends down and says, very angrily, to my son, "Tell your mummy what you did." He runs off in tears. I ask her again. She tells me he's "obviously vile" and I should have been supervising him. I'm not getting anywhere, plus I can't see my son, so I run after him. He's crying and I can't get any sense out of him.

She then corners me again and tells me he needs to apologise. I ask her again what he's done and again she tells me that he's "vile" and needs supervision, but will not tell me what she's accusing him of.

At this point I just decide to leave before I burst into tears.

All I've managed to get out of my son is that he'd made a den and he told the little girl not to come in. He says he didn't shout at her, and I think I believe him. I definitely don't think he did anything physical ? partly because he just doesn't do that sort of thing and partly because if he had then I'm sure the mother would have told me.

So what I'm getting at is ? AIBU to conclude this woman was just spoiling for a fight? I just can't imagine what my poor boy could have done. Lots of the parents at the museum were very stressed out and I saw two other incidents of people massively over-reacting to not very much. I think she was just taking out her bad day on us, possibly trying to pick a fight, and the last thing she expected was for me to be reasonable! Why else would she refuse to tell me what he'd done? AIBU?

[namechangedbutnotatrollhonest]

God that's long. And has a lot of random question marks that were meant to be dashes. Generally my punctuation and sense of proportion are a bit better than that.

[scurryfunge]

Don't waste any more energy on thinking it about it. She is clearly bonkers.

[diabolo]

She way far too over protective and clearly in need of something to make her relax a little.

Poor you, that sounds awful.

[TakeMeDrunkImHome]

You have answered your own question really. If he had actually done something then she would have said "this is what he did". To keep repeating "vile" with no reasons sounds like a crock of shite to me. Stupid woman. (Her that is, not you [grin))

[tallulahxhunny]

why didnt you stick up for yourself and your son and tell her she was being stupuid by not explaining what he did wrong, htf can you tell a child off if you dont know what he did? you should have been more assertive!

[xkatyx]

I personally would of lost my temper with her calling my child that! And also not telling me what he had done I would of Told her to tell me or p**s off.

But if she would of told me that would of been diffrent and I would of dealt with it according to what he had done .. I don't think you BU at all how are you supposed to know of she won't tell you.

[diabolo]

She was way too far.... etc etc (I haven't even had a drink yet!)

[Jofo]

Poor you, your poor son and I also feel sorry for her daughter as she is clearly completely off her rocker. Don't give it another thought as am sure your son did nothing wrong. She seems to have completely over reacted and caused stress all round. Hopefully your DS will soon forget about it.

[Yama]

Agree that you should have been more assertive. Someone called your son a name.

Either he was worse that you think he was or he deserved more defending.

Excluding people is not nice though so regardless of this woman's actions you should perhaps encourage him not to exclude anyone (especially smaller children).

[Jofo]

Also, good for you for not having a go at her in front of the children. Your DS would have been even distressed.

[namechangedbutnotatrollhonest]

God, I love Mumsnet. Thank you, everyone, for your extreme reasonableness.

tallulahxhunny - you're completely right, and that's why I'm beating myself up about it. It was just so bizarre. I couldn't stand up for him because I didn't know what he was meant to have done, so I couldn't deny it!

[SenoritaViva]

I think you got the wrong end of the stick, I think she MUST have been chanting 'I am vile'. It was so crowded I'm sure you misheard.

Since she couldn't substantiate it (i.e. your DS socked my daughter or whatever) I am sure he is telling the truth.

[bubblecoral]

The woman called a four year old child vile. More than once. What more evidence to you need to prove that she is clearly a vicious nasty bitch who is not worth the crap under your fingernails?

[Jofo]

even more distressed . Think my brain has gone walkabout!

[tallulahxhunny]

she sounds like a right cow don't beat yourself up, just try and be more assertive if it ever happens again (which i doubt it will)

jofo so its much better to let some random cow call you child names or make you feel embarrassed? pfft!

[drivemecrazy63]

wow I have no idea how you managed to be so calm on the exterior while wanting to clobber her one and give her a mouthful of expletives , Your a better woman than I am forget her shes history maybe she was part of the exibit she did a good job of making a spectacle of herself

[jugglingwiththreeshoes]

Just because your DS is a little bit older and bigger than her DD, she seems to think he's a bully. Maybe she has some issues, as she clearly didn't tell you what hers or her DD's were with your DS.
I doubt if much happened or she'd have told you what it was.
I don't like women who call children "vile"
Take no notice, and forget at earliest opportunity
And yes, I love mumsnet too

[exoticfruits]

Yes-just write her off as bonkers! If she can't clarify vile she couldn't really expect any response. The mind boggles as to exactly how a 5 yr old could be vile in public in a museum! Bonkers-forget it!

[ajandjjmum]

Very similar thing happened when DS was small - he made a den in the overgrown part of the school garden with a friend, and they told a younger boy it was their den and he couldn't come in.

From the mother's reaction, you'd have thought they'd threatened to knife him or something. Head teacher was involved etc. etc., but she just ended up making herself look very silly.

Don't worry about it. All kids can be monsters at times - part of the joy of having them.

[youarekidding]

Agree with all of the above. Why keep repeating he's vile? Surely even she gets that if you don't know what a child has done then you can't teach them a better way of doing it.

[snicker]

I think she had a bet with a friend to see who could say 'vile' the most to a stranger.

[namechangedbutnotatrollhonest]

Again, thank you, everyone. You know when you're in a situation so bizarre that you just think you must be missing something? I did mutter something about him not being vile but it was so completely pointless - she'd got herself into a situation where she couldn't back down. Anyway, DS has forgotten it all now, so I'm going to flounce off and drink a large amount of wine. Thank you.