AIBU to tell DD to put some trousers on

[depob]

Off to Tesco on her own DD (11) in school gym shorts. 'Why do I have to wear trousers' (eye rolling). I just opened my mouth and this is what came out: 'Because you'll get pervy blokes staring at you'. She was aghast but the more I think about it the more sure I am it is what I really think. Sad I know especially in these slutwalk times...

[MrsReasonable]

Yes, YABU. Why should your daughter's clothing be dictated by how it will theoretically affect males? PATRIARCHY! (might have spent too long browsing Feminism section )

[CheerfulYank]

Are they just regular shorts? If they're not skintight leopard booty shorts, then I think YABU.

[lesley33]

Depends. If they are sexy small shorts, then YANBU. If by gym shorts you mean ordinary shorts then yes YABU.

Yes a pervy man may look at her legs, or may not. But if someone is going to fancy an 11 year old, then whether she wears trousers or shorts isn't going to affect this. You may also have scared her with what you said.

I do understand where you are coming from. The thought of an adult looking sexually at our DD when she is only 11 is a horrible one. But I think you need to try and conquer your fear on this one and let your DD enjoy her childhood without being unnecessarily restricted in what she wears.

[BadaBingBang]

If they are short shorts YANBU. They don't look good on anyone, and some are not much bigger than wonder woman's underpants. Even worse when combined with tights.

[CheerfulYank]

Yes, pervs will perv regardless of attire, unfortunately. But booty shorts on a child are wrong regardless. If they're just regular shorts, however...

[olibeansmummy]

YABU what do you expect her to wear on hot days?

[proudfoot]

YABU

[Eowyn]

You have my sympathy, my DD is 11 wants to wear microscopic shorts on her very long legs, & trying to explain why it's not a good idea is a nightmare as she really doesn't get the sexual stuff. Just wants to look the way she sees other girls looking.

[gethelp]

I find 'because I bloody well said so' said in firm voice works. You don't have to explain everything, how else will you get your kids to think you're being unreasonable?

[icooksocks]

I'm with gethelp. "Because I bloody well said so" would have been my answer too.

[EldritchCleavage]

My mother's answer would have been 'Because it's not appropriate' with no further explanation. That's the tack I'm going to take, when the time comes.

[depob]

They are just ordinary blue school shorts - but she is quite well-developed for her age and my instinct was that pervy looks would be an unpleasant experience for her - as Eowyn says, 'she doesn't get the sexy stuff' I mean she has no idea really. OTOH why shouldn't she wear whatever she wants? I am finding this really tricky to find a good way through.
I don't like 'because I said so' because that is evading the issue - and I feel it really is an issue, she needs some awareness that there are men out there who might not behave the way she expects, and they could potentially be a threat - to her confidence if nothing else.

[lesley33]

I would let her wear the shorts but have a conversation at some time about how some men are paedophiles - maybe you have already talked about this with her? You don't have to go into details just let her know some men are like this and to talk to you if anything happens that she feels uncomfortable with, including men looking.

Could also use it to talk to her about the dangers of looking older than she is.

But not to let her wear ordinary school shorts is tbh a bit OTT. You risk making her over aware of this issue.

[depob]

The consensus seems to be IABU...hmm I'll think on. Thanks to all for your posts, it's been really helpful.