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AIBU?

to be upset with my colleagues?

15 replies

cinnamonbun · 15/06/2011 14:43

I work part-time in an office, I'm in two days a week. Yesterday the other three people in my team (we all sit near each other) went for lunch without asking if I wanted to join them. There was an awkward moment while I was queuing at the canteen and they were all sitting there having their lunch. Then in the afternoon, all of a sudden they all get up at the same time and head for a coffee. Obviously they'd all sent an email to each other (again not inviting me). I felt quite upset the whole day and I know it's maybe childish but I left without saying goodbye. The thing is that we normally all get on and I can honestly say that I have done nothing to deserve this. Two of the guys can be quite gossipy and even bitchy sometimes but still. It doesn't feel good to be excluded like that.

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mossip · 15/06/2011 14:49

Cinnamon - this is very typical office behaviour. I don't really have any advice to give you, but just to say it's pathetically childish of them and try not to get upset.

MackerelOfFact · 15/06/2011 14:52

It's horrible when this happens, I know how crap it makes you feel to be intentionally excluded. I assume you work full days on the days you're in, therefore are entitled to a full lunch hour, breaks etc?

I guess they probably just feel more chummy with each other since they work together (I assume) 5 days a week. But they're still being petty and rude to not invite you. YANBU to be upset. Maybe organise something yourself and invite them along, rather than wait to be invited? That's if you want to continue to have anything to do with them (which you should really).

SenoritaViva · 15/06/2011 14:52

As mossip said, try not to worry about it. As you are part time you might have missed something that they are all bitching about that doesn't really affect you.

Try not to take it personally, even though that can be difficult.

PinotGrigiosKittens · 15/06/2011 14:55

Oh I'm so sorry. I know how much it can hurt. Try to remember they must be pretty insecure to feel the need for pack mentality like that. And groups like that most often implode anyway.

Ignore and take the High Road. The view is better from there, cinnamon. Promise.

ohhappyday · 15/06/2011 15:03

Absolutely appalling behaviour agree thought that this is pretty much it country wide when it comes to offices. Agree with Pinot hold your head up, don't whatever you do let them see that it bothers you. Be extra nice, sit back and watch the fall out.

WhoAteMySnickers · 15/06/2011 15:07

It's shit. Didn't they invite you to join them when you turned up in the canteen? I hate stuff like this at work, especially when it's a small group, it makes it even more obvious and awkward if just one person is excluded. I know it's difficult but try not to let it get to you.

M0naLisa · 15/06/2011 15:11

:( i know that feeling, ,when i was working full time everyone was fine with me, including me etc etc then when i dropped to 3 days a week when i was in it was like i wasnt thre - ignoring me, ''forgetting'' to ask if i wanted a cuppa, etc etc on the last day i worked there, no one asked me if i wanted any dinner, because they had been told that i had handed my notice in, yeah they were busy buut tough shit, the job was making me ill. Wehn i handed my notice into my manager she didnt say a word to me all day, left at dinner and didnt say bye, the other manager (of diff dept but in same office) said My manager didnt want me to work my week and that i could go now if i wanted. But i had work to do so finished that and left 2 hours early.

Weeks after i left i get a text from ex manager asking me how i was and to call in and see them for a catch up now when i call in they are all lovely.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 15/06/2011 15:15

Childish pricks grown men acting like this!?

Take your lunch to your desk and go on mumsnet. Or, join a partly empty table with another dept and strike u a conversation with some other colleagues?

cinnamonbun · 15/06/2011 15:19

Thanks all for your kind words. MonaLisa, I don't blame you for giving notice! I'm working from home today, then I'm going on holiday so thankfully I don't have to see the sh*theads for a couple of weeks...

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redwineformethanks · 15/06/2011 15:26

In my last office a new colleague felt ignored because we chatted within our team and didn't really include her. We were mortified when it was pointed out that we had hurt her feelings. We hadn't really thought to invite her just because we didn't really know her, no harm intended. Try not to take it too personally, but just stay friendly and you will probably be included in time

risingstar · 15/06/2011 15:38

monalisa- i recently left my job after 13 years. The head of dept that i worked with for 10 years didnt even say goodbye to me.

i have to say though that actually walking away was the happiest day of my life.

OurPlanetNeptune · 15/06/2011 15:43

Mona this behaviour says more about them that it does about you. I know that it is little comfort, but it is true. It is childish and unnecessary of them. Chin up and get on with it, you don't need them.

cinnamonbun · 15/06/2011 15:52

Thing is, I had problems at the same workplace shortly after I started. At the time there were only three of us in the team and the other two (one of whom is still working in the team) were talking in Spanish all the time and I wasn't able to join in. When I kindly pointed out that it would be nice if they could speak English at least some of the time and that I felt excluded, they started bitching about me to other people in the office (I actually heard them do it twice) and were giggling and putting on a show when they spoke English a couple of times after that. I felt so awful I nearly quit but the girl left shortly afterwards and my relationship with the guy improved. Looks like I'm back at square one now though.

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mossip · 15/06/2011 21:16

I think this history tells you that it's not you, it's them. Try and see your job for what it is. Some jobs you make great friends, others you don't. But at the end of the day it's only a job and one you will do your best at. Try to be professional and be the consistently nice person that you are, and eventually you will win through. My DH always tells me to play the long game - and it's never failed.

TidyDancer · 15/06/2011 21:26

Oh I hate bitchy offices like this. YANBU and they are vile. I'm sorry you're feeling down about it, they really shouldn't be treating you like this. :(

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