My son attends a church based youth club (in Italy). Outside of the summer it is five afternoons per week, during the summer it is morning to evening M-F and S-S afternoons. He loves it. I love it because I don't think i would be able to provide the sort of social opportunities he wants if we took it out of our home education equation. Which is another way of saying that just not going any more would be far from a preferred option if at all avoidable.
Unbeknown to me there were a couple of incidents involving one of the youth workers and 10\11 yo boys and girls. I literally just found this out late yesterday evening and the details I have are sketchy, but it sounds like on three occasions this youth worker attempted to molest a child (2F, 1M), in all cases it appears that thankfully somebody noticed him pulling the kids off into a toilet cubicle and were able to intervene and get the kids out before he managed to achieve his goal.
The priests banned him from the youth club, and the swimming pool that the youth club goes to (where one of the incidents took place) has also banned him. The parents of the kids involved went to see the youth club worker's parents, but did not take the matter to the authorities.
The problem seems to be that this person is hanging around just outside of the boundaries of both the youth club and swimming pool as well as making the occasional entry onto both grounds and having to be removed. so far without incident for any of the kids.
I don't want to make snap decisions in peado panic, I am aware that so far this is hearsay (although I don't think of the lady who told me as a hysterical gossip), but at the same time I don't want to underestimate the level of risk and fail to protect my son in the face of a real and inappropriately dealt with threat.
He is there today and all the kids will be going to the swimming pool this afternoon. All I have done so far is be very insistent about him going to the toilet when his friends are going, to stick in his group and gone over the usual stranger danger stuff, but not in any hyper super urgent "imminent threat" way because I really don't want to scare the crap out him and give him an overinflated sense of danger. Our hastily formed main plan is for DH to go swimming too this afternoon (which he often does so it wouldn't be a huge shocker for our son to see him there) just to keep an extra eye on things in a surreptitious manner.
But I'm churning here, worrying that I haven't done enough and feeling very uneasy, which is not usually the case when he is off there having a great time. Part of me didn't want to let him go today till I had more information and a more solid idea of a plan to help him protect himself in the outside event of something horrible happening. But the other part of me doesn't want to ruin the youth club for him and act out of panic in a void of information, potentially without grounds. Because as much as I trust the lady who told me, people make mistakes and wrong information through the grapevine is not unheard of.
Just to avoid leaving out anything pertinent, I'm an atheist, so I may be bringing some of my negative feelings about the way the church has handled child abuse to the table here. I really like both the priests running the club, neither of them give me an "off" vibe (unlike some others), but initially it was very hard for me to place my son in that environment because there was this lack of trust thing going on. Not sure if it is having a resurgence on the back of the information, or if it is exclusively the information that has upset the apple cart.
What would be a reasonable approach to this dealing with this info\situation to avoid either an over reaction, or an under reaction ?
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AIBU to not want to make snap decisions in peado panic ?
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fastweb · 15/06/2011 11:56
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