Yesterday was my ds's christening, he is 4 months old. He is ebf and was quite a good sleeper up until a few weeks ago when he started waking every 2/3 hours. I do feel this is slowly improving again, but last week I had a horrible cold and was on my knees. Feel loads better now and so the broken night are much easier to handle - I have just accepted that this is the way he is for now and have my fingers crossed that things will get better...
Anyway, my bil and his gf have just had their 2 nd baby in the space of a year. They are in their v early 20s, Neither baby was planned but they seem to have taken parenthood in their stride and have even said how "easy" they are finding it! I admire them really, as easy isn't exactly how I would describe the last 4 months although I am very much enjoying motherhood.
Anyway, bil's dd2 is 4 weeks old, and the first thing that mil said to me yesterday was that she is sleeping through the night. I think, well good for her, but how is it helpful to tell me this in such an accusatory way- I felt that she was implying that we are not doing as good a job as ds is nowhere near sleeping though. Our niece is ff from birth which I know might or might not be a factor. And then all day at the christening yesterday people kept coming up to me saying "ooh, you're still having to feed him through the night, you know a bottle wouldn't do any harm...etc etc", so I know mil had been telling them all, painting me as some kind of martyr who has chosen to do it the hard way, and I really just want her to back off!
Just needed to vent! Aibu? And any advice?
AIBU?
To be upset at mil for this...?
Moulesfrites · 30/05/2011 10:20
Yes YABU, it is just conversation. There isn't a lot else you can tell people about a baby of that age, other than whether s/he is breast of formula fed, sleeps through the night or not, and cries a lot or is contented. It is annoying that people seem to need to give advice in all circumstances, even if they have never met you or your baby before, but get used to it because it's not going to stop for another 18+ years!
Your MIL may unconsciously or consciously approve of the way BIL's dd2 is being raised as the 'perfect' 1950s baby, because that was almost certainly how she was taught to raise her own children and the benchmark of success was guzzling gallons of formula and virtually never waking up. Don't take it personally. You are doing a good job
You don't sound oversensitive to me, but very sensible .
In a few months there will be something else MIL will be comparing between them. As Oddboots says, use some stock phrases and ignore politely.
People that have only had easy sleepers just don't realise that it's part of the normal spectrum.
DD has had the same sleeping pattern as me when I was a baby. I was FF, DD was BF. Luckily my mum had all kinds of sleepers so I was always aware it's just a luck thing. MIL had two that slept through at 6 weeks and is still convinced that there's something wrong with DD and that we should get her checked out 
. It comes from worry but it's bloody annoying.
Same way there are plenty of people who can't accepts that some babies have easier more content temperaments and others are more high needs. Then come on here and get all judgey when other people say they find it hard.
With MIL we just don't speak about sleep anymore, or BF, or even solid food (DD is rather petite). She is 14 months now, but she'll get there and so will you.
I actually tried a bottle of formula in the evening because everyone was going on and on about how it would help with sleep. It hasnt made one jot of difference apart from the fact that I know exactly how much he has had, he is still fed once or twice through the night.
People think they know best, just smile through gritted teeth and make uh-huh noises 
I agree, 4 months was a rubbish age for both of my EBF babies. It does get easier! No problem venting here, that's one of the best things about MN in my opinion - the chance to have a bit of a rant so that you can nod and smile at people in RL. :)
You might also like to know that my 3-BFs-a-night 8 month-old baby was looked after by my Mum for 3 nights, and woke up like clockwork for 3 bottles of formula. So it wasn't the magic solution to a good night's sleep that my SIL always droned on about (with the implication that I was an idiot for not knowing that an evening bottle was a complete solution for a poor sleeper, and also that I was some kind of lentil-weaving martyr for BFing past 6 weeks )
You're being a bit sensitive but having said that, you're sleep deprived and not been well so totally understand that comments like this are unhelpful. My mum and also MIL are both guilty of "Oh, DD is having a tantrum? You/DP never behaved that way, ever". "Oh DD wont eat vegetables this week? Never had that problem with my DC."
Ignore it. My DD was sleeping through at 5 weeks old. I was as pleased as anything. It didn't last and her sleep pattern has changed alot over the last 3 years of her life. Good periods and not so good periods. FF might be a factor. HV told me it often is. You're doing nothing wrong at all,neither are your BIL and his partner.Too bad your MIL sees it as some kind of competion.
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